DP dropped our baby

[DinosaurShoes]

I am absolutely fuming and feel very off about my DP's reaction and wanted some perspective.

We have an 18 week old. It's been a tough start to parenthood with DC having a lot of health problems but we are getting there. However, sleep hasn't really featured much in our lives lately.

At around half one this morning, baby was awake so DP got up to pick them up. He sort of half falls and drops DC. Queue DC screaming even more and me jumping up to pick up DC and check they were okay. DP just sits there, doesn't move to pick up DC or ask if they are okay.

I start to feed DC who settles once getting fed and then ask DP why the hell he didn't react. He says he was in shock. My response is that after 5 minutes he should at least have asked if DC was okay or said something but he hadn't and that it wouldn't matter how much shock I was in, I'd pick up DC straight away.

DP then got very shouty and just said "well I guess I'm just a shit dad then" and expected me to say otherwise and make him feel better. I refused as I was busy with DC so he got more shouty so I told him I'm not the one he should be angry with and he went back to sleep.

So, AIBU to be a bit worried about his lack of reaction? Honestly he didn't seem to care at all. There wasn't any sign of concern. It's like I'd told him I'd fed the cat, but actually he'd react more to that by saying something. I'm suddenly really concerned about his lack of care about DC.

I'm sure it was an accident, it's the lack of concern or care that's getting to me. It just feels so off and like he doesn't care about our DC. Thank you if you made it to the end. Sorry if this was rambling on, I'm a bit shocked still.

@Emu99 I was in hospital! Don't you dare blame me! When I found her she had been alone 3 hours. I rang police immediately. Please see my previous reply

@lablablab Please see my previous reply

@ScatteredMama82 A lack of concern for baby's welfare would always raise an eyebrow of SS.

Ss would laugh at you for reporting this. Mummy you're living up to your username

Coincidentally, I am currently sat next to my best friend who is a child protection social worker (currently on mat leave with a baby the same age as the OP’s).
She said social services would absolutely not get involved in any way, shape or form in this incident.

Omg poor bloke. He probably felt like shit. Petrified and full of guilt. God help you if you were to make a mistake or have an accident

Poor guy, I know when my DH had a near miss with DD he beat himself up for days. He didn’t initially say a lot but through little comments in the following weeks you could tell it hit him. It’s a hard enough thing to acknowledge without someone saying/shouting the obvious. Remember it might be you at some point, think how you might feel if he thought you didn’t care.

Babies get dropped accidentally by loving parents more than you realise . It’s 3 am , sleep deprivations etc

It’s a really hard time so go easy on BOTH of you

Just saw you sent a text, nice one OP. We all flare up, especially when tired and in shock. Sounds like you’re both doing a great job, I hope I don’t sound patronising when I say look after each other, it can be such a tester in a relationship.

I'm glad to read your update, OP.

It will defuse the situation and let your DP know that you do understand and don't think he's a shit dad.

Looking after a baby is such hard work.

There is a whole thread on here somewhere about parents having mishaps with babies and small children. I cant remember if I added to it so I may hunt for it shortly and link.
But every single parent I know has had this kind of accident. Every single parent I know! That's a lot of people.

Mummy, forgive us all if we are utterly flabbergasted at what you have told us, and perhaps are a bit the fact you age even remotely comparing this with your situation.

You should astonishing poor judgement in your partner. He left his new born baby alone for 3 hours. Short of him having a lobotomy, I can not believe his action was totally unexpected or out of character.

OP, glad to hear all well

@Soubriquet oh your poor dh must have felt terrible about that :(

I often read about things like this and the implied criticism from some and my thought is always the same, Anyone saying they've never had a whoops moment with a baby is either fibbing outright or having a mental block! Mo OH, 72, tells everyone that he fell out of his pram at about 6 months because he wasn't strapped in and prams were much higher then!

When our baby was 9 days old, DH got up with him, took him downstairs and slipped on the stairs. It was an accident and I laid no blame at his door. Could have happened to me just as easily. We were sleep deprived and it was no ones fault, just one of those things. Baby was absolutely fine (we got him checked over). We were both shocked at the time but people do react differently.

mummy Op partner accidentally dropped their baby .You are comparing your ex dp to Op .One act was deliberate the other a sleep deprived dad .Stop talking utter rubbish .God in your eyes all sleep deprived parents deserve a ss visit .

Let it go OP. He probably feels like shit and I imagine he didn't ask if baby was okay because he could visibly see and hear that he/she was okay.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1736329-To-ask-if-any-of-you-have-dropped-your-children

So you know your not alone, and so your partner knows too.

Oh my gosh Dinosaur your baby is beautiful 😍😍

@MummyParanoia101 I am not blaming you but your partner has something seriously wrong with himself then if he's leaving a baby on it's own like that, no excuse for it what so ever on his behalf. (3hours is still ridiculously too long for a 5 week old to be alone not that they should be for one second anyway)

Sorry about your DC, however YABU, there is no time limit to shock, people react differently and your expectation that he ought to have reacted like you is unreasonable. He probably felt shitty about it and you had to run salt in the wound. Understandable you are upset but he didn't drop DC deliberately.

Freezing is a very normal and natural reaction to a crisis.

Yes. My DH and I witnessed something quite shocking and violent last week that could have been a danger to us both. We were a little bit trapped where we were, and my reaction to it was more immediate fright and hiding than DH's was. We both stayed where we were rather than running away.

I was quite frantic about how he'd put himself in further danger in his reaction (he could have been killed). He later said that he was in a state of shock about his failure to react with the right and sensible reaction more than the event itself.

We were both on edge, there were no recriminations to be had.

Thank you so much @Treefloof that thread has made me feel much better and I'll show DP when he's home!

And thank you for the baby compliments, I feel very lucky!

Don't worry, DP is forgiven and it will be a joke one day. Thank you for giving me the perspective I needed.

Op your baby is gorgeous. I dropped ds when he was 4 weeks old. I was lying on the couch and he was asleep on my chest. I woke up to his cry when he hit the floor. Thankfully it’s a low couch and he wasn’t hurt but I woke Dh to tell him and I cried my eyes out. Dh was so calm about it. He didn’t say anything except reassure me that ds was fine.

I got such a fright. It took me a long time to be able to admit to anyone that I had done it. I felt like the worst mother in the world.
I bet your Dh feels the same.

Don't worry, DP is forgiven and it will be a joke one day
It certainly will.
You both have had a terrible shock, I am glad baby is ok, they're very precious, thankfully bouncy to.