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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

7 DHs from adjacent houses cycling all weekend (again)!

458 replies

ballisticcyclistic · 11/05/2019 07:19

I’m sitting here with ice on my ankle because yesterday I twisted it during a ridiculous situation where I had to take 4 special wheels to the garage for DH’s car and he’d loaded these in my car at 5am. I couldn’t park in the garage forecourt as no space, so I had to park up the road. Then I couldn’t lift the bloody things out of the back of my car, so I just pulled two out and tried to roll them along, but the road was on an incline and the wheels took on a will of their own, like wagon wheels rolling off, One was veering into the road so I had to chase it like a lunatic and I caught the edge of my wedge sandals and twisted my ankle which is still very swollen. So that was yesterday afternoon.

DH complained to the garage that it was unacceptable that nobody they’d helped me, but he has since apologised so I’ll just put behind me, but there are repercussions now for this weekend.

We live on a street where we actually get on with lots of neighbours (rare for London) but this is mainly led by the DHs who are all cycling fanatics. This weekend they are all off to the midlands for some famous ride I’ve never heard of. There are seven of them going.

Now normally I’d be glad of the peace, but today I have -

  • Landscape gardeners coming around 8am
  • The flooring man coming at 9am
  • I need to leave at 9.30am to get DS (14) to his tutor, 20 min drive away, so I won’t be back until 12
  • DD (11) needs to be at a party for 1.30pm which a good 40 min drive, but could be more like 2 hours because they’ve closed Hammersmith Bridge and Putney and Chiswick Bridges are rammed. Also, I can’t walk to the tube and this DD has a broken toe as well
  • One DS in the midst of GCSEs and will need support / someone to practise French with / test him etc. He is working very hard, but sometimes just needs calming down or distraction. Other DS also has end of year exams starting on Mon and he needs a fair bit if input due to dyslexia.
  • 2 new kittens who I have to watch in case they get out due to gardeners leaving doors open
  • Plumbers coming at some point in the afternoon

AIBU to be a bit miffed? Of course, I know DH can’t cancel the ride now, but I feel aggravated and it’s only 7am!

OP posts:
Eustasiavye · 11/05/2019 08:29

I want to know why you are due to g his hobbies out.
Do you work?
Is that why you do the ferrying about?
Let you kids get on with what they can.
I agree about taxis, letting ds revise alone and leaving the workmen to it.

croprotationinthe13thcentury · 11/05/2019 08:31

Your DH sounds deeply self absorbed.
Also, all cyclists are cunts. It’s a pretty well known and scientifically established fact.

plattercake · 11/05/2019 08:32

I'm not surprised you are pissed off. Regardless of what was agreed before, if you are now injured (helping him out) and so you need his help, then he should cancel. Shit happens, he's a big boy. Does he care about the fun things you will miss out on doing because you are injured? of course not, I bet he didn't even think of it, if there even are any after you have run around after everyone else.

eg, For instance, on another day last week, he needed me to take one for s service +++ you running lots of errands or him

Do you get paid a wage for being his personal assistant? There's being a team and helping each other out but he's taking the piss but you are letting him.

I agree that many cyclists can be really selfish with their time. The long distances is not an excuse though, its just normal greed. A reasonable attitude is to take equal leisure time and then each does what they want within that time. Not one person having more just because they want more and will make up spurious reasons to justify it.

Lordamighty · 11/05/2019 08:36

Stop assisting with the hobby stuff. There is no way he should have expected you to take those tyres to the garage but you shouldn’t have agreed to do it. Make him take his own cars in for service. Unfortunately you are aiding his selfish behaviour.

diddl · 11/05/2019 08:37

"Do you work? If you do then all a bit unreasonable."

It's not necessarily reasonable even if Op doesn't work though is it?

Jammybunz · 11/05/2019 08:38

Bloody cyclists.

Helspopje · 11/05/2019 08:38

Fwiw I’m not a selfish swear word person

Cycling in the middle year’s is a popular hobby (there’s a nick name - MAMILs) and one that should be encouraged assuming it is done with knowledge and respect for the whole family’s needs. Doo many mid years people get flabby and out of shape and accrue all the health risks associated.

I qualified for the worlds in my specialty event do cycle pretty hard. My husband is even faster than me. We do

  1. Cycle everywhere - work/school run/kids hobbies and classes
  2. Do sprint training on the nearest big hill on the way home
  3. Turbo train to suffer feat at night
  4. Do our weight training pre dawn or in the evening
  5. Training rides start at 6am on the weekend so we’re back just after breakfast to muck in with the kids
  6. Coordinate all events entry way in advance and put it on a shared calendar. If it’s not on the calendar, you can’t go.

It works
It just involves not being a dick about it - like everything in life

FWIW we both have big jobs and work FT and have 3 kids aged 2 to 8

Quartz2208 · 11/05/2019 08:40

I dont think its reasonable even if she doesnt work

If she doesnt work (or works less) than yes the household and child admin is a fair trade off to enable him to work long hours.

Doing admin relating to his car hobby because its clear its beneath him to do it - Nope that is never reasonable

justarandomtricycle · 11/05/2019 08:41

I'd cancel or change the non-essential stuff, please don't drive if you can't walk on it very much, and tell him he owes you one next weekend for leaving you alone to hobble around letting people in, herding cats etc.

Use taxis for ferrying kids if you can, if you can't, cancel and tell DH it's fine to go on his play date and he should enjoy it, but he is absolutely on the hook for making up for it next weekend. Don't start an argument or take any shit, just state the fact.

We don't allow ourselves to cancel things when it's DCs but sometimes we really should - I think this is one of those times.

Nogoodusername · 11/05/2019 08:41

May be missing the point - but why didn’t DH take his tyres back to the garage? Then you wouldn’t have hurt your foot!

UnaCorda · 11/05/2019 08:45

Also I dislike cyclists and would never date one. Selfish twats on the roads and in their personal life's. Yes I know I am making a big judgment here haha.

Well I would never date someone who thinks the plural of life is "life's" but we can all be ridiculously judgmental, can't we haha?

RussianSpamBot · 11/05/2019 08:47

I don't think it's this specific ride and weekend that's the problem OP, it's everything else.

JustDanceAddict · 11/05/2019 08:48
  1. Call in favours for party lifts.
  2. Your 14 yr old can get himself to tutor surely on the tube. Prob too late to cancel in terms of not getting money back.
  3. You can let in tradesmen - put cats in a room with their stuff for an hour or so.
  4. You shouldn’t not be helping your dh w his car hobby - that’s up to him
To sort. I’d knock that on head ASAP.
FancyAPint · 11/05/2019 08:51

Why would you arrange all this stuff on a wk end he was away? Use Uber.

Re the cars - if you aren't working and the children are at school then that is quite reasonable that you should, alternatively if you can afford to 'collect cars' then you could afford to hire someone to take it to the garage. You sound like a princess or snowflake IMO. Typical Chiswick Mum by the sounds of it....

PositiveVibez · 11/05/2019 08:52

- 2 new kittens who I have to watch in case they get out due to gardeners leaving doors open

Not really a task. Just put them in a room until the door is shut.

Plumbers coming at some point in the afternoon

Just open the door to them.

I think your husband is a bit selfish for leaving you with your ankle, but you do seem to be creating a list of 'tasks' for yourself which don't exist.

What time is your husband home? Can the French testing wait until he's home.

Why if you leave the house at 9.30 for a 20 minute drive, will you not be home until midday?

All seems a bit drama llama.

I hope you get some leisure time tomorrow

Cyclists are selfish mofo's it seems.

OhFFSMary · 11/05/2019 08:53

I meant the taking tyres to the garage in the week - personally, if she doesn’t work and dh can’t take them because he is at work, then I think that’s ok. The weekend situation is tricky but boils down to giving two kids lifts to places. If he’s out every weekend cycling then that is completely unreasonable but If it is mainly a few big events and as OP said she is usually just glad of the peace then this is just a busy day.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 11/05/2019 08:56

Also, all cyclists are cunts. It’s a pretty well known and scientifically established fact

Can’t beat a middle class weekend cyclist thread Grin

W0rriedMum · 11/05/2019 08:57

Kittens in your son's room while the workmen are there
GCSE son will be fine for one afternoon to study without help!
Party DC - beg a lift from other parents, v common in London
Tutored DC - no workaround there..

I'd hate my DH to miss out on a treat trip with others. It's good for mental health and switching off, presuming it's not every weekend.

I'd put on my magician hat and crack on as above.

saladfingers · 11/05/2019 08:58

I think it's lovely that you get on so well with so many of your neighbours, can't you ask them for help?

Urbanvoltaire · 11/05/2019 08:58

Too much drama going on with both of your lives, you both need to tone it down, why arrange so much on a weekend?

London family life can be just too busy but some parents thrive and feed off of it. It's not a competition to be the busiest. Trust me, I live in SW London, I mingle in your tribe. It's time to take a step back.

For the next 6 weekends arrange nothing on a Sat and one family activity on a Sunday. See how it all feels after that.

justarandomtricycle · 11/05/2019 09:01

Also,allcyclists are cunts. It’s a pretty well known and scientifically established fact.

I'm a cyclist and I take issue with the way you started that sentence with the word also.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 11/05/2019 09:02

Do you get paid a wage for being his personal assistant? There's being a team and helping each other out but he's taking the piss but you are letting him

Presumably the DH is paying for the household as it's only mentioned that he works. With the chidren being at school all day of course the OP should be doing other things.

MuffingtonClay · 11/05/2019 09:04

Do you have any interest in these cars he collects? If not then you need to tell him point blank that you are not going to enable that hobby- your story about the hassle caused when he “needed” you to take one for a service is ridiculous. “Needed” my arse. Don’t be a doormat!

Twillow · 11/05/2019 09:04

No suggestions just tickled me at how brilliant you are to be able to organise and mentally juggle all that. I expect your DH as most would be unable to do much more of one of those things in a day without your support.
I do hope you get time off in lieu!

Charley50 · 11/05/2019 09:05

"Most of the problems are a sign that you have a pretty nice lifestyle tbh so look on the bright side !"
What she said.

  1. Why didn't you wear trainers instead of wedges.
  2. Can't DS11 get the tube themselves? Or an Uber? You can afford it.
  3. Lots of people in London get on with their neighbours, so why perpetuate the myth of unfriendly London?
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