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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

7 DHs from adjacent houses cycling all weekend (again)!

458 replies

ballisticcyclistic · 11/05/2019 07:19

I’m sitting here with ice on my ankle because yesterday I twisted it during a ridiculous situation where I had to take 4 special wheels to the garage for DH’s car and he’d loaded these in my car at 5am. I couldn’t park in the garage forecourt as no space, so I had to park up the road. Then I couldn’t lift the bloody things out of the back of my car, so I just pulled two out and tried to roll them along, but the road was on an incline and the wheels took on a will of their own, like wagon wheels rolling off, One was veering into the road so I had to chase it like a lunatic and I caught the edge of my wedge sandals and twisted my ankle which is still very swollen. So that was yesterday afternoon.

DH complained to the garage that it was unacceptable that nobody they’d helped me, but he has since apologised so I’ll just put behind me, but there are repercussions now for this weekend.

We live on a street where we actually get on with lots of neighbours (rare for London) but this is mainly led by the DHs who are all cycling fanatics. This weekend they are all off to the midlands for some famous ride I’ve never heard of. There are seven of them going.

Now normally I’d be glad of the peace, but today I have -

  • Landscape gardeners coming around 8am
  • The flooring man coming at 9am
  • I need to leave at 9.30am to get DS (14) to his tutor, 20 min drive away, so I won’t be back until 12
  • DD (11) needs to be at a party for 1.30pm which a good 40 min drive, but could be more like 2 hours because they’ve closed Hammersmith Bridge and Putney and Chiswick Bridges are rammed. Also, I can’t walk to the tube and this DD has a broken toe as well
  • One DS in the midst of GCSEs and will need support / someone to practise French with / test him etc. He is working very hard, but sometimes just needs calming down or distraction. Other DS also has end of year exams starting on Mon and he needs a fair bit if input due to dyslexia.
  • 2 new kittens who I have to watch in case they get out due to gardeners leaving doors open
  • Plumbers coming at some point in the afternoon

AIBU to be a bit miffed? Of course, I know DH can’t cancel the ride now, but I feel aggravated and it’s only 7am!

OP posts:
Skittlesss · 11/05/2019 07:38

This is not just about the ankle though is it - the title (again) says it all.

floraloctopus · 11/05/2019 07:41

I'd be --telling- asking him to cancel the ride.

if he refuses then itching powder in his cycling shorts might be an option you'd like to explore.

Teateaandmoretea · 11/05/2019 07:41

Actually the velo is tomorrow so he could have just gone this evening and got one of the others to register on his behalf. That is unreasonable imo, I'm doing it too fwiw but it's one day not two. So yes he's totally unreasonable to fuck off all day today.

MustardScreams · 11/05/2019 07:42

When do you get to go abroad for a week? Or go do whatever you want for a weekend? Because if you don’t then it is ridiculously one sided and I’d be rather unhappy.

Original poster
ballisticcyclistic · 11/05/2019 07:45

Yes it is that Velo race and he booked it a while ago. I know this is all first world problems, I’m just sick of hearing about bikes and cars and associated drama.
I’m going to see if another mum could take DD to the party. Sorry to moan. It would just be nice if he was here this weekend to help one DS revise because I can feel split in two sometimes. He did tell me about this ride, but he does so many things like this, I don’t really pay attention.

OP posts:
Teateaandmoretea · 11/05/2019 07:45

Why doesn't he just go this evening?

FenellaMaxwell · 11/05/2019 07:46

This all sounds a bit “my diamond shoes are too tight”. Surely if the race has been booked for so long, you’ve had ample time to rearrange the gardeners and flooring people etc if you so chose? 90% of that, you have absolutely no need of your ankle for- the gardeners, flooring man, some GCSE practice, plumbers and kittens don’t require you to do anything with your ankle at all. Shove your DS in an Uber, arrange a ride share for your DD and stop moaning!

dogsdinnerlady · 11/05/2019 07:48

First world problems?

diddl · 11/05/2019 07:49

Why didn't he take the wheels himself?

Can the 14yr old take the 11yr old to the party?

If not it sounds as if the 11yr old can't go to that & the 14yr old can't go to the tutor.

LotsToThinkOf · 11/05/2019 07:49

Your DH sounds very self involved - you hurt your ankle taking his wheels to the garage but he complained to the garage that they didn’t help you! Wheels are heavy yet he left you to manage on your own? He should have gone and you could have helped. Failing that, did you ask the garage to help you when you got there?

Of course he should cancel the ride, life circumstances come first. Saying that, you’ve packed a lot into a weekend where you all knew he’d be busy. Something tells me he’d have organised that ride even if the other stuff was planned first through.

Of course he should cancel, you’ve hurt yourself.

ImNotHappyaboutitPauline · 11/05/2019 07:50

I sympathize re the ankle, I really do, but I think you've made today sound more than it is. I mean you're not actually doing the garden or laying the floor yourself, those are just a matter of letting them in. It also sounds like these would have been arranged after knowing about this weekend.

The other stuff... Well, as pps said see if dd can get a lift with someone else. At 14 can DS make his own way to or from (or both) his tutor session? French practice can be left til tomorrow. As pp said you could have cancelled or rearranged some of this stuff and just had a day vegging out.

londonrach · 11/05/2019 07:52

Op...cancel everything you can, dd goes with another parent or not at all. You cant drive. Parents help each other so im sure someone would help as one off with good reason. Dh shoułd cancel but sounds planned for ages. Suggest you and the seven others wifes, girlfriends etc get together and go out one day leaving children jobs with husbands..

MsJaneAusten · 11/05/2019 07:52

Presumably he booked the Velo before gardener, decorator, party etc were booked? It doesn’t seem fair to be cross with him for something booked months ago (& discussed?) Who booked all the other stuff for today?

AuntieStella · 11/05/2019 07:52

Presumably the stuff was all booked in full knowledge that he's be awayn(as thus is a race you enter months in advance). It's not like he's suddenly dipping out.

It's OP's injury which is the new factor.

But if you booked a minicab/Uber for the party, or cadged a lift for her, I think the rest should all fall into place.

GabrielleNelson · 11/05/2019 07:53

We live in London and don't have a car, so fortunately never got into the business of driving children and teenagers all over the place. At 14 surely it's possible for your son to make his way to the tutor's by public transport? In a taxi or minicab or Uber if you really can't trust him to use public transport unsupervised, I suppose.

bengalcat · 11/05/2019 07:54

Sounds as though you lot should have a girls weekend in a spa somewhere sometime . But for today crack on - can some of your brood make their own way on public transport ? Kittens will be fine left to their own devices and as someone else suggested putting them in a room somewhere with a litter box away from men tramping around would be a good idea .

Outanabout · 11/05/2019 07:56

HRTFT, just laughing at the idea of agreeing to take tyres anywhere for anyone, and even more so at trying to roll them to garage.

AnneOfAvonlea · 11/05/2019 07:56

Just stop doing so much stuff when he isnt around.

Make the trades things wait until he can help you with it.

Get other parents to help with lift shares.

Help your kid with his gcses.

MuffingtonClay · 11/05/2019 07:58

Send 14 year old DS to the tutor and back by Uber. Wouldn’t you just be sitting around during his session anyway?
Is anyone else going to the same party, can you car pool with another parent?

The image of you chasing a runaway wheel down the street in wedge sandals is quite funny. Did the garage guys refuse to help or did you not ask them?

Quartz2208 · 11/05/2019 07:59

Yes the thing that comes out is he complained to the garage that speaks volumes about a man used to getting his own way and never thinking about others

Not only is he a selfish cyclist but he got you to do his tyres. I suspect he does very little but is in charge. This situation I think has merely brought everything into sharp perspective what kind of man he is

MrsMoastyToasty · 11/05/2019 07:59

Just what I was thinking Gabrielle... around here kids have to catch the bus from the city to our small town 5 miles away from age 11 to get to school.

SoWhyDontYouKillMe · 11/05/2019 08:01

I hate this attitude that you can never do a hobby or anything fun because there is work to be done even at the weekends. Life is short. As long as you’re getting equal down time I think you should give him a break.

Original poster
ballisticcyclistic · 11/05/2019 08:03

I don’t expect him to cancel the ride at all - it’s not that. I don’t know, it’s just the whole thing. He has started “collecting” certain cars which is fine, his prerogative, but a lot of the admin and running around related to them seem to fall to me. For instance, on another day last week, he needed me to take one for s service. Because of the bridges, it took 1.5 hrs to do a 30 min journey (admittedly I did get a bit lost). Then I couldn’t just wait there because of the school run, so, I had to get an Uber to the school and then home. Then going back to collect his car, the traffic was so bad (and they closed at 6) so I parked and walked, ending up on a really lonely towpath and I just felt like I’d been traipsing all day and I could do without the extra car-related tasks being spring on me as urgent.

OP posts:
SoWhyDontYouKillMe · 11/05/2019 08:04

Why don’t you just tell him no?

LizzieSiddal · 11/05/2019 08:04

Just stop doing so much stuff when he isnt around.

Make the trades things wait until he can help you with it.

Get other parents to help with lift shares.

Help your kid with his gcses.

Agree with all of this, especially the first one. It’s not your responsibility to sort four children out in your own. There’s a limit to how many places you can be in on one day.

And as far as the tyres are concerned he should have done that himself!

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