7 DHs from adjacent houses cycling all weekend (again)!

[ballisticcyclistic]

I’m sitting here with ice on my ankle because yesterday I twisted it during a ridiculous situation where I had to take 4 special wheels to the garage for DH’s car and he’d loaded these in my car at 5am. I couldn’t park in the garage forecourt as no space, so I had to park up the road. Then I couldn’t lift the bloody things out of the back of my car, so I just pulled two out and tried to roll them along, but the road was on an incline and the wheels took on a will of their own, like wagon wheels rolling off, One was veering into the road so I had to chase it like a lunatic and I caught the edge of my wedge sandals and twisted my ankle which is still very swollen. So that was yesterday afternoon.

DH complained to the garage that it was unacceptable that nobody they’d helped me, but he has since apologised so I’ll just put behind me, but there are repercussions now for this weekend.

We live on a street where we actually get on with lots of neighbours (rare for London) but this is mainly led by the DHs who are all cycling fanatics. This weekend they are all off to the midlands for some famous ride I’ve never heard of. There are seven of them going.

Now normally I’d be glad of the peace, but today I have -

• Landscape gardeners coming around 8am
• The flooring man coming at 9am
• I need to leave at 9.30am to get DS (14) to his tutor, 20 min drive away, so I won’t be back until 12
• DD (11) needs to be at a party for 1.30pm which a good 40 min drive, but could be more like 2 hours because they’ve closed Hammersmith Bridge and Putney and Chiswick Bridges are rammed. Also, I can’t walk to the tube and this DD has a broken toe as well
• One DS in the midst of GCSEs and will need support / someone to practise French with / test him etc. He is working very hard, but sometimes just needs calming down or distraction. Other DS also has end of year exams starting on Mon and he needs a fair bit if input due to dyslexia.
• 2 new kittens who I have to watch in case they get out due to gardeners leaving doors open
• Plumbers coming at some point in the afternoon

AIBU to be a bit miffed? Of course, I know DH can’t cancel the ride now, but I feel aggravated and it’s only 7am!

He has started “collecting” certain cars which is fine, his prerogative, but a lot of the admin and running around related to them seem to fall to me."

Why? Because you let it?

The giro starts today so he will be glued to that for a good few weeks.....

Sorry I was just dealing with the gardeners, but what DH has done is got them to come round today and left it to me to discuss what’s they will be doing. He didn’t tell me until yesterday, they’re not regular gardeners, it’s a whole landscape job and he hasn’t discussed this with me. He has gone to karate and then he’ll be loading the bikes and then he”ll go to Birmingham. They’re going early to hang out at someone’s “country house” and talk bikes. I thought we were holding back on getting the garden done this because of other commitments, but it seems not,

It is probably the Velo in Birmingham/Coventry. We are completely trapped in tomorrow due to this ridiculous race. We only had notice last weekend.

You not being Unreasonable, and take a sick day off. It sounds like you have a 7 day a week unofficial PA role, everyone is entitled to a sick day, everyone needs a day off in a while.

Make the kids get an Uber if they really need to go out or get them to help you. They can let the gardener, Plummer in etc. Prop yourself up on the sofa with an icepack, movie, pizza.

A nice lifestyle does not mean you have to the dogsbody who soldiers on all the time.

Was it his karate lesson or one of the dcs?

Acytullay the karate aside he’s completely taking the piss with you.
It sounds like he’s got form and this weekend is the last straw.

List every single you’ve had to deal with this weekend.
Present it to him and ask for a serious discussion on how he sees you and the weekends in general.

Ha, UrbanVoltaire. You nailed it with:

London family life can be just too busy but some parents thrive and feed off of it. It's not a competition to be the busiest. Trust me, I live in SW London, I mingle in your tribe. It's time to take a step back.

We're in SW London too and my DH was supposed to be doing VeloBirmingham with friends this week. He cancelled on Thu because I'm 21 weeks pregnant with various complications making me feel pretty ropey and he decided it wasn't fair to leave me doing solo parenting for our 5yo all weekend. He's a bit sad about it but it was entirely his idea and his choice, and he isn't moping. Not all MAMILs are selfish horrors.

ARE YOU BOOKING THE UBER!!!????

Are you happy being treated like his PA, him allocating you tasks to get his hobby stuff sorted??? It would be a ‘No chance’ from me.
He should be sorting his own hobby stuff, why should you be doing all the grunt work, lugging tyre round for him. He had the cheek to try and bollock the garage for not helping you too!
He’s got you doing all the wife work, while he swans off with 7 mates for a lovely day cycling. Cyclists, need I say more.

You can’t go anywhere with a swollen ankle.
Cancel the bloody party and private tuition for today.
Can’t the DS who is practising French stay in a room just for a few hours with the kittens if you have other jobs. He’s 15/16?
And you can help with his practice tomorrow?

Get your Lycra obsessed DH to give you a weekend free at some point and see how he manages.

Is this real? Why would he book a landscaper to come and give a quote on a Saturday if he was not going to be in to talk to them anyway? Why not have them come during the week, since you don’t work? Most trades don’t particularly want to come out at the weekend anyway.

Well my input is that I get heartily sick of people from your part of London who organise their lives like this. Yes, shit that I know people in RL like this. Otherwise I would be suspecting a touch of made up brag. The number of children does stretch credibility but hey no twins.

It is ridiculous bad management of your life. The constant stealth brag wrapped up in the long list of non essential chores and responsibilities just backfires with me. That only you can do them because, twinkly laugh, hubby has work (city based pointless job) or a time consuming hobby. I just wonder why you cannot manage you life better and why you let your husband behave like a selfish dick. I pity marriages like this. But more than that I pity those of us who have to try an organise friendship groups around you. It is a pain in the ass. So I will say what I can never say on WhatsApp.

At least some of trades could all have been rearranged yesterday or indeed weeks ago when you realised that the day was already over committed and your husband was away. A 14 year old needs to be able to travel around London on their own , so just let them. A teenager can revise on their own, yes even french. An Uber for the 11 year old if none of your neighbours or friends want to help. I understand why on this, I stopped helping people like you and your husband years ago due to the level of unnecessary fuckwittage and disruption you inflict on other friends. Kittens in a room with the door closed. The plumber won’t show anyway.

Rant over, needless to say these people give me a headache. Yes organise your lives badly but stop fucking telling everyone about it. None of it is necessary.

And I don’t have a problem with someone doing a competitive sport. Even with children it is doable and need not be selfish.

What does your DH contribute to the home - looks like everything is on you?

I'd guess a high salary. There is no mention of the OP working during the week, which is why she is the one taking the car for a service etc., so why are the flooring guy and the gardener and plumber all booked for today?

Sounds as though you lot should have a girls weekend in a spa somewhere sometime .

Why do so many people think that having a massage is the best/most interesting thing women can do when they have some time to themselves?

Your either a complete doormat who can't say no. or this is a load of bollox.

Seems your DH 'rules the roost' though and you pander around accommodating all his whims.

So, OP, are you taking any of the very simple advice and solutions offered here?

You do sound somewhat like your husband's underling OP. I hope you will get some ideas from this thread as to how to change things from now on.

Interesting first post Op

Stop being so available and accommodating. He is taking the piss because you let him. And why the hell do you drive a 14 year old around. I loathe driving in London. I can’t wait until the kids are old enough to sort their own shit out and get on a bus by themselves. I did it all myself from secondary school onwards and benefit from being self motivated and independent. It does them good.

Ok I am adding my voice to the masses.

1. You are not your DH's PA stop it

1. Your 14 yr old, assuming no SEN needs to be allowed to be independent and grow up a bit.

• DD (11) needs to be at a party for 1.30pm which a good 40 min drive, but could be more like 2 hours Also, I can’t walk to the tube and this DD has a broken toe as well - Cancel the party or organise a lift

• One DS in the midst of GCSEs and will need support / someone to practise French with / test him etc. He is working very hard, but sometimes just needs calming down or distraction. Other DS also has end of year exams starting on Mon and he needs a fair bit if input due to dyslexia. The french test, at GCSE level he should be revising on his own and just throw chocolate at him now and again or listen to him vent with your feet up

• 2 new kittens who I have to watch in case they get out due to gardeners leaving doors open Nope, chuck them in a cat carrier and leave them alone

• Plumbers coming at some point in the afternoon Is this when you are at your DD's party? Or some other time this afternoon? Regardless, point them at the problem and ignore until you need to pay them

So you have a 16yr old ds, 14 yr old ds, 11yo dd, another ds who has dyslexia, 2 kittens (Why??) and a DH who has a very important job and treats you like a doormat.

You need to get everyone together and shout for attention because none of your posts mention what they do for you.

Stop managing their lives and let them get on with things for themselves or you will burn yourself out.

I see this everywhere

It's all those modern dads opting out of family life, as it's too much hard work

Your day does sound totally crackers Really? Sounds like a usual Saturday for most people.

@Ellisandra I completely agree with you, I love the factvthat my DH hates watching sport on TV all weekend and is always doing something - cycling, the gym, out walking, pottering in the shed... Much better to have an active 50 something than be married to someone whose life is ruled by watching the footy like the partners of some of my friends.

There is always a reason not to cancel. Perhaps he should start to look at it from another perspective.

And how were you posting at 9;30 when you were supposed to be driving the DS to tutoring?

I think he should cancel the ride