To get the rage when my kids bash into my body repeatedly.

[bordellosboheme]

My youngest who is 3 is the worst offender. Often it involved whacking me in the knees or body slamming me on his way past, but often even the gentlest brushes past me start to give me the rage after a while. I enjoy being in work as I can guarantee I will not be bashed into for a whole day. AIBU?

I walked mine to school for years. For years they walked into me repeatedly. It did my SWEDE IN. Now I am not allowed to hug them. Effing teenagers. I look forward to smirking if they have kids.

Both of mine are like this. I have personal space issues generally never mind when I get hurt. I’m firm and it means I’m left alone more than DH but it still happens, my youngest is seven and can be very clingy, she often used my boobs to elbow her body up. Eldest has adhd and was only still while sleeping, hugs are short and I couldn’t have her sleep with me as she moved so much until sleeping deeply. She head butted the most. She also makes loud noises randomly until the medication kicks in.

I have similar to fibromyalgia- a poke in the arm or kick to the leg is so painful and lingers for ages. I tense up a lot if I think I’ll be touched accidentally or too hard, this causes muscles to spasm and all over, deep aching. DH picks up the slack, he can handle it more, and I’ve gone back to work which is bliss in comparison, although I get so pissed off when adults elbow me or lean on me on public transport- how do other fibromyalgia type people deal with this?

Oh and the arm pulling when holding hands! Seven year old still does it despite being told off or let go of. I start really hurting and I find walking slow painful anyway.

DH would sidle in from work at the end of the day with his hands cupped protectively over his crotch. My DD used to launch herself along the hall.
‘Daddy!’
and cannon straight into him with her head directly at ball-height!
She’s 5ft 9 now (sigh!)

Omg....then they can't even walk PAST you without giving you space, so of course trip over your feet, the feet that have been the same size and location the entire time they have been alive, but noooooo, they trip over them because how dare I extend past the vertical. Then it's tears, and I have to hug them.

I get nervous when they want to walk past me now.

YANBU, drives me insane. DD is 4 and enjoys very physical play. I thought for a while she was just being aggressive but she genuinely loves to play that way, like a tiger cub... She has a little boy buddy at kita (daycare) who is the same and I watch them slam into each other, push each other around and kick each other giggling wildly. She tries to recreate the same with me and it's so annoying, I wince when I see her barrelling towards me with that look on her face. I feel I'm constantly bracing myself for impact!

I have thought of another. When 11 month old tries to stand up by pushing their hands right into my bladder first thing in the morning.

Also when trying to carry the 2.5 year old, he won't put his legs around my waist, he just tries to wrap them around my leg. Then I can't walk and have to put him down, then he is hysterical that he is being put down and won't let go, almost toppling me over while I have 11 month old either in a sling or in my arms.

@Nonononon maybe no one answered because we were all in too much pain to type - as the kids had been particularly bad at stomping on us and poking us in the eye etc that day

@ordinarygirl “When he bumps heads with other children, they cry, and it leaves a mark on them, but his rock-like dome is unblemished.”

PMSL! You should write professionally!

We co sleep and 19mo insists on waking me every morning by standing on my head, kicking me in the back or full on jumping with all his 98th centile weight on my stomach. I literally feel like crying some mornings. It's like he opens his eyes and launches into an immediate attack shouting 'mummy!' Also 8yo rubs her feet on me constantly on the sofa and I just cant.

Oh thank God it’s not just me. I thought I was just being a horrible grumpy old bag, but I am already dreading the summer holidays.
Summer holidays = 7 weeks of walking round with someone stepping on the back of my flip flops every other step. Raaaage.

What is it that you do that is so effective in curtailing this behaviour or could it be that children, particularly young ones express themselves differently

Teach the children around me to have respect for others? I realise all children are different, funnily enough. I've experienced working with them for many years. But I don't see bashing into people as "expressing themselves". As I've said, I'm disabled and have chronic pain. Children doing this to me could have serious consequences, so they're taught not to. It's simple, no?

And I do have a sense of humour, when things are funny. I don't find it funny 🤷🏼‍♂️

My 6 and 4 year old DSs body-slam me, hang off me and generally plaster themselves to me at any opportunity. Also laughing at the few posters who think this is something changeable, given how constant it is. The really infuriating, hurtful stuff, yes, sort of - DS1 went through a phase of slapping me really hard on the arse EVERY TIME he walked past. When increasingly sharp, ‘Stop it. STOP IT. STOP. IT.’ didn’t work I completely lost my shit and screamed in his face. It 95% stopped him but he still inexplicably raises his hand as he walks past and sometimes starts to swing, completely without thinking and usually catches himself at the last second and occasionally turns it into a pat which still makes me flinch. I have no idea what it is that makes them, or any of our DCs, do it. Mine were both koala/Velcro babies and wouldn’t be put down so maybe this is how their need for contact manifests as children. I am also rather tactile defensive so their constant need for touch sets my teeth on edge but I don’t want them to grow up as non-demonstrative as I am so do my best to put up with the affectionate stuff.

DS2 is the charger described by many above - without warning has to run head first into my or DH’s stomach (why, why, whyyyy?!). Or drapes himself over my shoulder like a stole while I’m trying to put his shoes on. Or grabs hold of my hoodie strings or clothes for a swing. No amount of stern words or physical removal stops him. I’ve taken to actively swerving or ducking his charges/hanging/grabbing and not feeling terribly sorry if he bumps himself in the hope that he’ll take the hint.

The little toddlers and babies I get it. But the 3/4/5/6 year olds biting and hitting. I am a little bit aghast. No hitting is no hitting. The idea of a small child repeatedly smacking me in the bottom in a way that hurts for their own entertainment is beyond my comprehension. I would go ape shit the very first time it happened.
The trampling all over you, stroking the face constantly (hello ds2) and all the rest I get. But the physical violence from older kids is baffling.

Oh god I can still feel the pain of ds2’s cannonball head impacting with my eyebrow. Ow!

My aunt once spectacularly lost the plot with her children as they used to do the tapping of the shoulder to get her attention. I think their hair blew back with the force of her vocal explosion.

It’s not entertainment though, Potol. It’s like an almost subconscious sensory need they have to fulfil. DS1 truly did it without thinking every time he walked past and it took a lot to get him to become conscious of what he was doing. He looks horrified when he catches himself doing it now (fear of DefCon 4 in his face again, probably), but the very fact that he has to catch himself shows it’s wasn’t a calculated act for entertainment. Let me be clear, they must be made aware of it, but don’t assume it comes from a place of sadistic pleasure or violence.

But they don’t do it to other people? Does he do it at school to his teacher? Does he even do it to his father?

My DD likes Little Big Planet but she's crap at the higher levels so she gets me to do the hard bits for her and I have to get her to sit on the other sofa because I'm constantly tensed against a random flailing hand or foot making contact while I'm trying to do a hard bit.

And that way that, right, we have a five bedroom, 3 storey house. But wherever I sit down - upstairs room, kitchen table, bloody toilet - within 3 minutes everyone in the house will be standing less than 1m away from me. It's like they need to huddle for warmth or something.

YANBU! DS (2) kicks my boobs when we're in bed. Or rather, uses them to push himself away. I get cross then and feel bad because he's laughing and just being silly and doesn't mean to hurt me. But it really hurts! He also accidentally headbutts me and pulls my hair.

Can I also add spitting when talking to the mix? So, even when I'm getting a rare moment of a non-touching chat with my kid, I still get the flinching joy of excited kid-talk spraying in my face.

And then, the thrusting of things to about two inches from my bare eyeball to look at, cue me having to rear back about two feet far enough to focus on the thing.

My 8 year old is awful for this. Always hanging off me and every time I shout at her but she still does it. Climbing on me, yanking my arm. I tell her how much it hurts but she doesn't care. The more I shout the more obsessed she is with touching me. She used to do it to every other female adult as well, so embarrassing when she used to rub her rainbows leaders tummy or cuddle her friends parents. Her younger brother is a bit more "normal" and doesn't seem so obsessed with being desperately physical but still likes cuddles.

DD2 has dyspraxia and zero concept of personal space and spatial awareness (she tries to "help" me find suitable car parking spaces when I'm driving and thinks a family car fits in a 10 cm gap bless her). There are days when living with a wonderful cuddly child who resembles a bull in a china shop with about 9000 pointy elbows and the ability to find your foot to tread on it from miles away does get me worn down (and bruised!)

I do gently remind her about personal space now she's older and I fully reserve the right to go "ooow pointy bits!" when she cuddles me and acquires 9000 elbows all digging in at once.

I get it. My dd will. Not. Sit. Fucking. Still. She wriggles around all day. Sits on my lap, slides off, climbs back up standing on my toes in the process, pulls my hair while doing this. Then slides back off, goes on the other side of the sofa, kicks me while doing that and after a while I think FUCK GET OFF ME OMG. I have regularly asked her to please stop climbing all over me except she's 21 months and doesn't quite get it.

But they don’t do it to other people? Does he do it at school to his teacher? Does he even do it to his father?

Both definitely do similar to their father but not other people because most of us, even children, will naturally change their personal boundaries and sensory needs according to their surroundings. The way you lie in bed with your DP, for example, versus the way you would lie in bed if made to sleep in the same bed as a friend or acquaintance.

Children are developing and modulating their sensory systems all the time. Some DCs clearly need a pounding to work all this out - it’s not purely behavioural, although this obviously has to play a part to also develop an awareness of social acceptability.

As extreme examples in children, behaviours like rocking, head-pounding, hand-flapping and faeces-smearing are the signs of disordered sensory processing systems in children with sensory processing disorders or ASD. It is actually all part of the same thing as our clingy, cuddling-as-a-contact-sport slightly older neuro-typical DCs.

(I am an OT so hopefully not talking completely out my arse!)

I also appear to have a ridiculously sensitive scalp, which was something I never had before having dd, and I now scream OWWW when she pulls it because it's just so awful