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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister's Wedding

104 replies

Redditreject · 10/05/2019 16:45

This is my first time but I have been around long enough to know that this topic has been done to death.
I have never had a cross word with my sister. She has been with her partner for five years, everything is fine. He is a lovely man whose first wife left him. My sister has a good relationship with his daughter. There is no drama that you read about on here. The child's mother is accommodating and all is good.
I struggled with fertility and had countless IVF cycles before adopting my child who is six; I then became pregnant naturally and also have a two year old born within weeks of my sister's baby.
I had great aspirations for the kids growing up together but she went back to work and her child is in nursery.
I see my sister in town for lunch and at my mum's but rarely as a family.
My father is now really ill and my sister is getting married because of it. Lots of planning is going on for a small 'classy' wedding. Small venue where ceremony and reception will take place. Her step -daughter is her maid of honour and her own child will be there but a friend's daughter will be there to take her home if it all becomes too much.
Well you have guessed it; my two are not invited. I am devastated...I know it's not my day and I have been married (twice) but I am so upset. This will be the last big event where my dad will be there. My mum has spoken to her and she feels that she wants her step-daughter and her own baby to be 'centre-stage.'
I am really shocked. There's nothing I can do is there? My husband is really angry about it.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 10/05/2019 16:49

Sadly, no, there's nothing you can do. It's a shame your sister has made this choice. I'm sorry you're so upset.

Samcro · 10/05/2019 16:50

you can not go.

JuniFora · 10/05/2019 16:52

The bride and groom are bringing their own kids, as they should. That doesn't make it a child friendly wedding for everybody else. You've no right to be angry. This is their wedding. It's about them and their kids. Not you and yours.

Boom45 · 10/05/2019 16:55

I understand why you're hurt, i would be too, but there is only really 2 things that can happen here. You can accept her choice and enjoy the evening with your dad and your sister or you can complain and possibly ruin a perfectly good relationship with your sister during a really difficult time for your family.
It's shitty but is it worth a family falling out right now?

ANewDawn10 · 10/05/2019 16:56

No way I would be attending and you would be justified in doing so. That's pretty unforgivable. Well clearly she isnt that close to you or see your kids as close family.
My sister changed her wedding date to accommodate the birth of my ds. Just to put it into perspective. That's what close family does.
She should be ashamed of herself and this is on her.
I honestly wouldnt have anything to do with her after this.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 10/05/2019 16:57

We wanted a child free wedding but compromised at family children only,yanbu I'd be hurt too.

HolesinTheSoles · 10/05/2019 16:58

YANBU. I'm sorry but that's just rubbish. Yes your sister is entitled to randomly exclude close family members from her wedding but she is not entitled to do so without repercussions. It would be fine not to include kids of the wider family or friends but nieces and nephews being excluded is just cruel.

Drogosnextwife · 10/05/2019 16:59

If you read the OP you will see that the wedding is happening so suddenly because this may be the last family event with the OP's DF, so of course she wants her children to be there, and her reason for not wanting other kids there is quite frankly shit.
I usually agree that it's the bride and groom's wedding and they get to chose but I would feel exactly the same as you OP. I actually don't know if I would go. Have your own party and don't invite her kids ( not really because that would be petty, and would cause a massive fall out. I would certainly feel like doing it though)

Nonnymum · 10/05/2019 17:01

It's very sad, and to be honest I don't get the no children at weddings trend, to me weddings are about bringing families together and children are part of that but each to their own and I'm afraid there isn't anything you can do about it, if that is your sister's choice. Will you be able to go if the children are not invited? Will you be able to get child care?

Clockwatchers · 10/05/2019 17:01

It is your choice.

I wouldn't go if it was my family but you need to make your own decision.

No family photos for your Dad if the children are not there which seems odd.

GPatz · 10/05/2019 17:01

It's their choice to have a child free wedding and therefore if it is not possible for anyone to attend because of childcare issues, they have to accept that gracefully.

GabriellaMontez · 10/05/2019 17:02

That's a shit reason. Does she have other reasons? Money? Space?

I'm.not sure if be able to accept that.

Mayalready · 10/05/2019 17:02

Sounds like her gesture of making sure df is there just for show imo. Your df would surely love all his dcg around him on a special day...

Alienspaceship · 10/05/2019 17:03

Just attend the ceremony then go home to your children.

VanessaShanessaJenkins · 10/05/2019 17:08

I don't understand the whole centre stage thing at weddings. It's a wedding, not a play!
It's not like extra children take away from those already attending, just that they get to join in too. The children would probably quite like their cousins to play with during what for them will be a long boring day too but if she's made up her mind that her wedding is some sort of performance which has characters in there isn't much you can do to change her mind on the cast!

GPatz · 10/05/2019 17:09

Juniflora

OP knows that it's her sister's wedding and it's not about her. This sentence is rolled out on every single one of these wedding threads. Be original.

Butterymuffin · 10/05/2019 17:11

There's nothing 'classy' about not inviting your niece and nephew to a small family wedding that will be the last such occasion for one family member. Your sister is being selfish. Has anyone told her this?

NoSauce · 10/05/2019 17:11

That’s rubbish OP. She wants her two to be centre stage? Well they will be, doesn’t mean your two dc shouldn’t be there. I think it’s pretty cruel of her actually.

Ironymaiden · 10/05/2019 17:12

You’re being unreasonable did your sister dictate who you invited to your weddings?

churchthecat · 10/05/2019 17:14

How old are yours?

InTheEndgameNow · 10/05/2019 17:18

I'm sorry, that's awful. Is your Dad able to have a word on your behalf?

FizzBuzzBangWoof · 10/05/2019 17:22

I would feel exactly the same as you but I would suck it up and go anyway (assuming I had someone who would look after my DC)

If you have no childcare options then you really have no option but to decline her invite

Littletabbyocelot · 10/05/2019 17:22

I'd be really upset in your shoes BUT even if she has forgotten, this is about your dad. If you can swallow it down and focus on spending that time with him, I would. Maybe do something special with him and your dc.

Bluntness100 · 10/05/2019 17:23

Op is this a child free wedding apart from her own kids? So it's not just yours who are not invited? It's all kids other than hers?

seven201 · 10/05/2019 17:23

I think your sister is being unreasonable but you shouldn't let it ruin your relationship forever.

I had a rush wedding after my Mum was given months to live. I let my parents whoever they wanted and lots of people came just to say goodbye to my mum probably. It's very hurtful that your sister is being selfish, but please don't let it ruin your relationship, it's just not worth it.