To get miffed that DH invites DSS to tea every night?

[dragonstitcher]

I don't say anything because it's not worth the battle, but it does piss me off. DSS is nearly 20yo, he finished college a couple of months ago and is going to Uni in Sept. He stays at home (his mums house) all day long watching TV or playing on the PS2 when he should be looking for a summer job and DH invites him to tea every night and picks him up on the way home from work, so that he doesn't have to feed himself. We are a low income family, I get child benefit and child Tax credit for my kids but not for stepsons and I find it hard to feed everyone on a limited budget. Not only that but stepsons mum complains that she is having to throw away food that isn't getting eaten. Sometimes she sends it over here so that it gets used.

A few times a week is reasonable, but every bloomin night isn't, I feel.

I understand that DH is trying to see as much of him before he goes to uni, so it makes me feel unreasonable for feeling this way. Roll on Sept. BTW nearly 18yo SS fends for himself on junk.

That's horrible SpiderBaby, no wonder this thread pushes your buttons. I don't think dragonstitcher is the same though - she doesn't want her dss to bugger off altogether, she just wants to know whether he is coming or going, as t'were.

That's terrible, Spiderbaby - not letting you use the toilet. You shouldn't need an invitation for that. She sounds like v strange woman. Did you know Kenneth Williams (comedian, now dead) wouldn't let even dear friends use his loo?

Dragon, you could always start cooking something SS doesn't really like. Or you could rearrange the dinner chores so that everyone chips in. A table setting, pand scrubbing, genrela cleaning up, shopping for the food rota, perhaps. If SS has to put a bit of work into it the whole thing might well become a bit less appealing to him.

I get the impression that you are brassed off with being the family slave more than you don't want your SS company.

I wonder why he wouldnt let them use the toilet?!

I do laugh about the weeing in the garden though as I know she would have been mortified (more so than her resentment of me using their loo) but I really had no choice, unless I wanted to wet myself! I really didnt laugh at the time though

but kerry-presumably if he lived there then the op would have a greater budget for shopping! if she was anything like my parents then she would be making him pay his way.also if he lived there then she would know that he was always going to be there!
if he lived there she would have trained to help out with the chores involved in making a meal.

as it is the ip is being treated like a cafe!

trained him

I think the OP is away making dinner for her DSS.

I bet you didn't laugh at the time, what a mean person she must be. It' not nice feeling like an unwanted presence in your own family.

I don't really get that vibe from dragonstitcher's posts though, I think it's more the lack of consideration about arrangements, from her dh and the dss, that's winding her up.

Good point Eleusis.

I take your point greensleevs, you are right and i am wrong. It is bloody hard though when you have had such a shitty upbringing to try and detach from that and see that someone means a totally differne t thing

Not acceptable to constantly have another mouth to feed without warning. I would be livid at being put to the extra work except.... I just wouldn't. I would tell my husband he is cooking.

Incidentally no I dont anymore and my relationship with my father is also severed

why is the idea of a 20 year old paying his way??

He is an adult! he's not a child! once you have left education and are still at home you should give your mum some money towards your food and phone bills etc! especially if it's a household with a lowincome.

where's custy? she'll agree with me!

SpiderBaby (((((((most uncharacteristic hug)))))) it is bloody hard. I usually steer clear of threads like this these days. Your stepmother sounds like a real piece of work.

If he is bringing him for tea every night, and it has been going on for a while, then it is a regular extra mouth to feed that you should be able to plan for, and he shouldn't have to ask each night. It is his child. But I would ask your husband for more money towards the household budget.

I was contributing to the household budget and cooking my own meals at 17, let alone 19.

Didn't mean I wasn't part of the family, just that I had the sense to realise that money was tight. I was old enough to live away from home. so I saw it as only fair that I paid mum & dad instead of a landlord.

Kerry - just out of interest, are you a step-parent?

She isn't going to say anything. She's stated that in her OP.

I used to have a friend that was a step-parent and I gave her all sorts of advice on how to be perfect etc. When I became a step-parent myself I went and apologised for taking the moral high ground for all those years.

The role of a step-parent seems to be the only one where you are expected to be perfect in a way that no wife/daughter etc is. Impossible standards are set and it;s just not helpful. All step-parents are doing their best in often difficult circumstances.