To get miffed that DH invites DSS to tea every night?

[dragonstitcher]

I don't say anything because it's not worth the battle, but it does piss me off. DSS is nearly 20yo, he finished college a couple of months ago and is going to Uni in Sept. He stays at home (his mums house) all day long watching TV or playing on the PS2 when he should be looking for a summer job and DH invites him to tea every night and picks him up on the way home from work, so that he doesn't have to feed himself. We are a low income family, I get child benefit and child Tax credit for my kids but not for stepsons and I find it hard to feed everyone on a limited budget. Not only that but stepsons mum complains that she is having to throw away food that isn't getting eaten. Sometimes she sends it over here so that it gets used.

A few times a week is reasonable, but every bloomin night isn't, I feel.

I understand that DH is trying to see as much of him before he goes to uni, so it makes me feel unreasonable for feeling this way. Roll on Sept. BTW nearly 18yo SS fends for himself on junk.

There are mothers on this forum older than this 'boy'. Should they go to their mother's every night and demand that they are fed?

No. No different because he's male, he's not younger because he has not yet procreated. Make him help you.

he isnt being demanding to be fed. His dad is inviting him

Spiderbaby, he doesn't need to be fed at all, he has a meal made for him at his mother's house, he just doesn't bother going home to eat it.

It's ok saying "Teenagers are self absorbed" but he's 19, not 14. He's an adult. I was not allowed to be that selfish at 19.

if i turned up at MY mum's house every night expecting to be fed then i would have to give her money for my keep. did none of you have to give your mum housekeeping when yu were18/19/20 and living at home?

Christ, at 19 I was cooking my own damn tea. Come to that, why isn't his dad doing the cooking?

No, my parents aren't divorced, my father is dead.

It's still not just his dad's house. It's his step-mothers house too. And his step-brohters/sisters. And hte dsses'.

It's a house and a home - not an hotel.

but his dad is inviting him

They don't need it - they have a mother cooking for them at home, and quite frankly they should be cooking for her by now.

Spider, I am sure your mother's behaviour would be admirable, if you were rude and selfish enough to park yourself on her regularly when not invited or expected.

Dragonstitcher is behaving admirably; we are discussing her feelings not her behaviour.

I was cooking my own tea 19 and left home at 17 but i dont see what relevance it has to the argument his dad invites him for dinner and his stepmother resents cooking for him despite the fact his dad has asked him

anger aimed at the wrong person

This is not about the step-son really. He is turning up and getting a free meal, so he's not going to stop that. It's about his dad and his relationships with his partner and his son.

The dad should consult the lady of the house before he invites any one. Most men would do this, ime.

why cant the dad cook?

The lady and the person doing the bloody cooking and washing up!!!

well i personally would demand a dishwasher

Who's angry?

If the dad wants to have ad hoc meals with his son, make his dad go to the shop, buy and prepare the meal, and clear up afterwards. Problem solved.

That's always a priority when on a low income

SpiderBaby, are your parents divorced?

yes they are

Mine too. It sucked. Do you think you might be projecting some of your own feelings on to this situation? I know I would be, that's why I haven't posted on it.

Just a thought.

When you left home and cooked for yourself is indeed totally irrelevant and no one asked you for that information.

Stepmother resents not being consulted. It is her house too. Who goes to all the trouble to feed dss? She does. What trouble does the invitation put dh to? None, other than picking ds up on the way home.

The child here happens to be 20 years old! I would recommend feeding you and your own children a big meal at lunchtime a couple of times a week them just offering sandwiches which he can get himself. Or do an activity near to tea time which necessitates picking up a bag of chips on the way back (an example food police-it could be any type of food. You are not being unreasonable-you may raise an eyebrow if it was your birth 20 year old son. Its not teaching him anything about how to feed for himself! Good luck x

well i most probably am projecting some of my own feeling onto the thread especially as my stepmother wouldnt even let me use the toilet at their house when i was absolutely desperate once (when passing)

I actually pissed in their back garden

i ams ure it went down a treat

maybe you should ask your dh how his ex wife must be feeling? she must be missing her boy if he is out for dinner every night.

say to your husband that it's not fair on her to have him every night.arrange 3 regular nights when he comes so you know he will be there and tell dh he needs to give you more money if you are having an extra mouth to feed on those nights.

Dishwasher irrelevant to argument too; still has to be stacked. Reduces but does not eliminate the work of clearing up.

oh but a dishwasher makes it so much easier