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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents of children with ASD - was I being unreasonable?

118 replies

CalmaChamelion · 09/05/2019 17:35

I was collecting DD from nursery. Walked back to the car park and started slowly backing the car out. See a tiny flash behind my car and put the brakes on. Get out and one of DDs nursery friends is literally stood two inches from the back of my car.

Mum stood ten feet away talking to another nursery mum. I’ll admit now I was a bit shook I’d nearly ran her kid over so I shouted over “are you being bloody serious I’ve just nearly knocked him over”.

She walks over and says “it’s not his fault he has autism and doesn’t recognise danger”. I said to her “well he’s 4 most 4 year olds don’t, and I wasn’t shouting at him I was shouting at you, watch your kid instead of gabbing with your bloody mate”

She shouted back “didn’t you hear me he has autism can’t you read?!!!” (He had a badge on saying Autism is my superpower).

She then said come on DS away from the silly lady. And walked off with him.

I’m still going over this an hour later in my head. I know I shouldn’t have snapped at her but I was so close to hitting him!

OP posts:
Original poster
CalmaChamelion · 09/05/2019 17:36

Autism or not, surely it’s her job to watch he isn’t running around in a car park ffs

OP posts:
user1496259972 · 09/05/2019 17:38

Jesus, my asd has no sense of danger so I have to watch her like a hawk! She was totally in the wrong. Using his asd as an excuse for her crap parenting Angry

FreeTedHastings · 09/05/2019 17:38

I have two autistic kids. I didn't know they were autistic at four but I sure as hell held on to their hands in the carpark!

She's a loon.

NC4Now · 09/05/2019 17:38

I don’t think either of you showered yourselves in glory, but yes she should be watching her kid.

Nanny0gg · 09/05/2019 17:39

She was at fault not you. No badge will prevent you being run over!

GreenEggsHamandChips · 09/05/2019 17:39

Its your job not to hit a child who runs out in the road. Cant see how shouting at someone else changes that

Pipandmum · 09/05/2019 17:40

He’s her son. She is responsible for him. And autism aside what nursery aged child would be able to judge a car backing out? Any parent would have a hand on their child in a high traffic area.

Original poster
CalmaChamelion · 09/05/2019 17:40

@GreenEggsHamandChips, equally it’s her job to hold his hand if he’s a runner?

OP posts:
Empathy56 · 09/05/2019 17:41

If her child doesn't recognise danger then surely all the more reason she should be keeping her eye on him at all times! I don't think you were being unreasonable at all.It might make her be a bit more careful in the future.

ltk · 09/05/2019 17:41

Yes, it is her job to watch him. Doubly so if he has a particular issue with courting danger.

And you know this, but do not yell at other parents. You could have taken a moment to calm down, then explain what nearly happened.

Good attention to your driving, by the way. The child was lucky you noticed him.

HomeMadeMadness · 09/05/2019 17:41

The fact that he has ASD makes it less excusable that she wasn't watching him. She knew full well that he wouldn't recognise the danger of the cars in the car park so she needs to be extra vigilant.

Ratatatouille · 09/05/2019 17:42

Its your job not to hit a child who runs out in the road

It's a parent's job to supervise their children. Allowing a 4 year old to wander around a car park unsupervised, ASD or not, is negligent.

OwlBeThere · 09/05/2019 17:42

YANBU op as the parent of 2 kids with ASD and two without, none of them at 4 would have been roaming free in a fucking car park. She got pissy because she knows she was to blame. Don’t give it anymore headspace

Siameasy · 09/05/2019 17:42

Surely since he’s autistic and has even less sense of danger than average she should have hold of him
Are we meant to be checking badges whilst driving now?!
And as for “it’s not his fault” - ffs

NorksofPlenty · 09/05/2019 17:42

If he doesn’t recognise danger then surely she should be watching him even more closely on a car park, she’s right it wasn’t his fault, it was hers and she shouldn’t use his ASD to excuse her poor parenting. In my experience of one child with and one without ASD, at 4 years old not recognising danger and needing to be closely supervised in a car park is universal! Yanbu

FoxFoxSierra · 09/05/2019 17:43

She's a fucking idiot! It has nothing to do with autism, you watch your kids around cars especially if you know they have no sense of danger. Thank god you were driving carefully!

Sirzy · 09/05/2019 17:43

Ds is 9. Because of his autism he has very little road sense if he isn’t in his wheelchair he is right next to me - most likely holding my hand but certainly in grabbing distance.

Hairyheadphones · 09/05/2019 17:43

YANBU. No four year old should be walking around a car park without an adult right next to them. The fact the mother knows he has no sense of danger means she should watch him even more closely.

DaisiesAreOurSilver · 09/05/2019 17:43

Dreadful woman.

Geminijes · 09/05/2019 17:43

Her son may not recognise danger but surely she can and should have been watching him, more so, if he's autistic.
I feel sorry for the little boy having a mother who doesn't seem to care for her child.

Gatehouse77 · 09/05/2019 17:44

Nope, at 4 years old autism is an excuse for slack parenting in this circumstance.

Original poster
CalmaChamelion · 09/05/2019 17:46

Right. I just wanted to check. I’m going to stop thinking about it but dreading seeing her next week now Blush

OP posts:
LoudBatPerson · 09/05/2019 17:47

My eldest daughter has ASD, she is also a runner (less now than when you get hit it does still happen and she is 15).

Even now I have to keep a very close eye and when she was four she would have some kind of physical link to me at all times.

You noticed and stopped before hitting the child, so you did what you are responsible for as a driver.

However many drivers are not so good with their observations, so the mum should be glad you where on top of the obvs.

I have always kept a very close eye on all my children when they were that age, but knowing my DDs lack of danger awareness and forward planning, I always kept a physical link anywhere near cars.

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 09/05/2019 17:48

My 5 year old with asd has no sense of danger, that's why I keep him on reins so he
Isn't a danger to himself or others. Unfortunately some parents seem to think asd excuses everything

BollocksToBrexit · 09/05/2019 17:48

Both my kids have autism and both of them had zero understanding of danger at that age. So I'd watch them like a hawk and DS was always on a restraint as he was a bloody fast runner.

So I don't think this little boys autism has anything to do with it. The accident nearly happened because his mother took her eye off the ball. As for the badge, great if you're stood talking to him, but it's not going to stop a car reversing over him.

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