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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Parents of children with ASD - was I being unreasonable?

118 replies

CalmaChamelion · 09/05/2019 17:35

I was collecting DD from nursery. Walked back to the car park and started slowly backing the car out. See a tiny flash behind my car and put the brakes on. Get out and one of DDs nursery friends is literally stood two inches from the back of my car.

Mum stood ten feet away talking to another nursery mum. I’ll admit now I was a bit shook I’d nearly ran her kid over so I shouted over “are you being bloody serious I’ve just nearly knocked him over”.

She walks over and says “it’s not his fault he has autism and doesn’t recognise danger”. I said to her “well he’s 4 most 4 year olds don’t, and I wasn’t shouting at him I was shouting at you, watch your kid instead of gabbing with your bloody mate”

She shouted back “didn’t you hear me he has autism can’t you read?!!!” (He had a badge on saying Autism is my superpower).

She then said come on DS away from the silly lady. And walked off with him.

I’m still going over this an hour later in my head. I know I shouldn’t have snapped at her but I was so close to hitting him!

OP posts:

dannydyerismydad · 09/05/2019 19:15

The silly woman of course should have been holding onto him.

But when bad stuff happens or nearly happens we often react defensively.

Hopefully she realises now she was in the wrong and shouldn't have blamed you for her oversight.

BishopBrennansArse · 09/05/2019 19:16

I'm autistic. My kids are autistic. My 14 year old is still not safe in car parks so he doesn't leave my sight.

On what planet is it ok to just not watch your kids if they have no danger awareness anyway?

BBQsAreSooooOverrated · 09/05/2019 19:21

I have a 6yo DD with ASD, she wears reins when out and about as she will suddenly dart off even when holding hands. The mum should have been watching the DC at 4yo ASD or not.

PQ77 · 09/05/2019 19:25

Don’t feel bad. I am mum to an autistic child and there is no way I’d let him out of my grasp in a car park. And he’s a high functioning 9 yr old!

AuchAyeTheNo · 09/05/2019 19:26

She’s an idiot. My DD has autism and even at 8 years old I’m ridiculously close to her near cars busy roads etc.

I love the fact that autism is now being brought into the open and starting to be accepted, what pisses me off is the parents who use it as an excuse for their bad parenting!!

flameycakes · 09/05/2019 19:32

Mum to 3 asd sons, his mum should have been vigilant as you would with any child x and how were you supposed to see his flipping badge anyway, she sounds absolutely ridiculous x

tor8181 · 09/05/2019 19:34

her fault for not looking after him

i still got to watch my 6ft 1 14 y old as he has no sense(why we have a blue badge)

i hate people who put their kids in these tshirts or badges

InTheHeatofLisbon · 09/05/2019 19:36

I love the fact that autism is now being brought into the open and starting to be accepted, what pisses me off is the parents who use it as an excuse for their bad parenting!!

This! It's the reason we still face the discipline bullshit, like we can punish the autism out of ourselves or our children. Because people are shit and blame it on autism to avoid facing their own inadequacy.

Abbazed · 09/05/2019 19:43

My eldest is severely autistic and isn't aware of dangers. I'm always with him.

Abbazed · 09/05/2019 19:43

Tor I also think the t-shirts are naff

ALemonyPea · 09/05/2019 19:47

I fail to see how op is at fault? She stopped her car when she was aware of the child, that's what a cautious driver does. I assume the yelling at the mother was out of shock. The mum was way more negligent than the Op.

I have a child with autism, he is nearly 14, he has no sense of danger so I always make sure he walks next to me and is within grabbing distance from any reversing cars.

I also park in P&C spaces if I can, as can't get a blue badge for him in my city, they don't issue them for autism.

PickAChew · 09/05/2019 19:52

The stupid, irresponsible woman should have been holding his hand or had him on reins, if he has no sense of danger. Both of mine are autistic. DS1 had to hold my hand or hold onto DS2's buggy. DS2 had reins or went in a SN buggy until he was about 7. He's now a teenager and I still hold his arm or hand, most of the time.

BlackeyedGruesome · 09/05/2019 19:58

Four year olds can also be too short to see in mirrors if directly behind the car. Not a chance in hell if you are looking in the opposite mirror when they cross the gap between cars.

I still supervise my 12 year old. She nearly walked in front of a car recently in a car park.

If they are poorer at safety you need to keep a closer eye on them.

Four year olds need supervision whatever.

BlackeyedGruesome · 09/05/2019 20:02

There is a parent who lets her pre school kid run off and wander about in the carpark near school. An accident waiting to happen.

Whereisthegin1978 · 09/05/2019 20:08

Autism or not - at 4 years old she should have been more aware of her child.

Merryoldgoat · 09/05/2019 20:13

My DS has Autism, understands danger, isn’t a runner and can be trusted not to run into the path of a car.

The woman’s son’s autism is irrelevant. She knows her child and therefore needs to watch him if he’s a risk to himself.

RuggerHug · 09/05/2019 21:17

Honestly if she'd screamed back at you at 'how did you nearly hit him, weren't you looking etc' I'd have some sympathy for her because I'd say it was panic at sheer relief you didn't hit him but based on what she did say...Nope.

Yanbu.

IntoTheDeep · 09/05/2019 22:11

I don’t think OP was at fault. The other mum should absolutely have been watching her child in the car park. All the more so if his autism means that he’s less aware of danger.

My youngest DC is too short to be seen through a rear window if he’s standing close to a car. If it was a larger car e.g. a 4x4 then he’d not be seen through the windscreen either if he was close to the car. He’s too young to have any road sense as well.
And while drivers should of course be doing their best to be aware of pedestrians etc, you can’t reasonably expect a driver to be able to stop for a child if that child isn’t visible through the windows. Parents shouldn’t let small children wander around unsupervised in car parks at all.

I’d second the point about reversing into parking spaces where possible though. You’ve generally got much better visibility if you drive out of the space forwards.

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