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AIBU?

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Original poster

Parents of children with ASD - was I being unreasonable?

118 replies

CalmaChamelion · 09/05/2019 17:35

I was collecting DD from nursery. Walked back to the car park and started slowly backing the car out. See a tiny flash behind my car and put the brakes on. Get out and one of DDs nursery friends is literally stood two inches from the back of my car.

Mum stood ten feet away talking to another nursery mum. I’ll admit now I was a bit shook I’d nearly ran her kid over so I shouted over “are you being bloody serious I’ve just nearly knocked him over”.

She walks over and says “it’s not his fault he has autism and doesn’t recognise danger”. I said to her “well he’s 4 most 4 year olds don’t, and I wasn’t shouting at him I was shouting at you, watch your kid instead of gabbing with your bloody mate”

She shouted back “didn’t you hear me he has autism can’t you read?!!!” (He had a badge on saying Autism is my superpower).

She then said come on DS away from the silly lady. And walked off with him.

I’m still going over this an hour later in my head. I know I shouldn’t have snapped at her but I was so close to hitting him!

OP posts:
Zakana · 09/05/2019 17:49

Autism or not, it’s a parents job and indeed duty, to hold the hand of a 4 year old, particularly when near cars etc, and I would not have been so polite and reasonable as you OP! If hand holding for some reason is impossible, put them on reins, mine were both on reins and learnt very quickly to walk without if they didn’t want to be on a lead lol! Stating that the kid had a badge with autism on it does not detract from her crap and rather lacking parenting, it just amplifies it IMO. Don’t give it another moments thought YANBU.

RozHuntleysStump · 09/05/2019 17:49

I have autistic kids. Unfortunately there are parents who will use autism as an excuse for everything.

GreenEggsHamandChips · 09/05/2019 17:51

Oh im not saying the mum was right or wrong.

But the OP had a near miss and shouting at someone else doesnt achieve anything.

Ill add Why were you backing out? Of a car parking space? Back in next time, its safer.

Kaddm · 09/05/2019 17:51

I have a ds with asd
She sounds fucking mad
I was holding my ds hand in that scenario til he was about 12. He now gets it! Reversing cars are always a hazard in car parks.

RubberTreePlant · 09/05/2019 17:52

She sounds unhinged.

MumUnderTheMoon · 09/05/2019 17:52

It doesn't matter that the child is autistic. It's actually particularly neglectful on her side of things because she should be even more aware of him. I'd have shouted at her too. She's an idiot.

TreadingThePrimrosePath · 09/05/2019 17:52

Two of mine are on the spectrum, and DS was a runner with no sense of danger. The fact he’s made it to 26 so far was entirely due to my amazing awareness of his location, being fast off the blocks when necessary, and a sturdy pair of reins until he was around 3. If you know your child is vulnerable, that’s your responsibility.
It was her excuse for being a crap parent.

Alwaysgrey · 09/05/2019 17:52

She’s nuts. I have two kids with autism and even at 6 and 8 I watch them closely. The youngest especially as has no sense of danger.

RubberTreePlant · 09/05/2019 17:53

IME parents of young DC with autism are hyper vigilant.

RubberTreePlant · 09/05/2019 17:55

A quiet word with the nursery manager might be in order, not to cast blame, but to prevent a tragedy.

Jayblue · 09/05/2019 17:55

Backing out of a parking space is a perfectly legal manoeuvre. The OP is clearly a safe driver as she spotted the child.

youarenotkiddingme · 09/05/2019 17:56

I have an autistic child.

If I choose not to watch him and he nearly gets run over in no way is it the fault of the driver.
In the same way it wouldn't be the drivers fault if he was NT.

She's lucky you are a good driver and vigilant.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 09/05/2019 17:57

3 autistic kids, I'm autistic. She's a dick. A neglectful, entitled, arrogant dick. Fucking no point buying the child a badge if she isn't going to keep an eye on him in a car park!!!!

I cannot be arsed with professional martyrs who think a diagnosis means they get to check out of parenting and wring their hands relentlessly for attention. Twats.

OP you did nothing wrong, I'm just glad you were vigilant which is more than his bloody mother managed!!!

Drogosnextwife · 09/05/2019 17:59

Entitled, negligent mother 🤷

YouSayPotatoesISayVodka · 09/05/2019 18:00

As the mother of a child with ASD I’m with you on this- she’s a fucking idiot. My son has no sense of danger and a close call like this would have frightened me. I don’t blame you for shouting at the mum at all!

gamerchick · 09/05/2019 18:00

Mine still has no sense of danger at 12. If anything autism is more of a reason to be hyper alert.

You can say something like that to her if she mentions it to you again. She's being a dick.

FriarTuck · 09/05/2019 18:04

Why were you backing out? Of a car parking space? Back in next time, its safer.
Not if there's a child standing there when you're backing in! Parents should supervise their children at all times. I have autism but I'm pretty sure a car running over me because I stood behind it would do plenty of damage. Trust me, it's not that much of a sodding superpower.

Bugsymalonemumof2 · 09/05/2019 18:06

My autism 4 year old has zero sense of danger so I hold on to her for dear life in a carpal whether she likes it or not. If they can't do it then a parent should do it for them

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/05/2019 18:07

I get the meme and probably fun if you’re 4 to wear the badge but how were you supposed to read his badge whilst driving - X-ray vision? And what does that have to do with anything? Stupid woman.

bookwormnerd · 09/05/2019 18:07

I have a 4 year old with asd. I hold his hand when out and about to keep him safe. He wouldn't understand the danger. She needs to keep him safe and autism is not an excuse. It makes you more vigilant. Children shouldn't be running about where there are cars anyway.

Ratatatouille · 09/05/2019 18:08

But the OP had a near miss and shouting at someone else doesnt achieve anything.

I imagine OP was shaken up and hopefully it will have jolted some sense into the other parent, even though she didn't have the grace to accept responsibility at the time.

Ill add Why were you backing out? Of a car parking space? Back in next time, its safer

100% agree with this. Yes it's perfectly legal to back out as one PP has said but that's beside the point. Backing in is far, far safer and I'm always surprised so many people don't do it. Every year there are fatalities and injuries that could be prevented if people backed into parking spaces.

Coquohvan · 09/05/2019 18:09

100% mums fault. His disability has nothing at all to do with her explaination. The mum is the adult she should have been paying attention to her child not neglecting him by ignoring him where cars are and carrying on her conversation blind to her child’s movements.
Does she think his badge has special forces and puts a shield around him. Bad parenting.
You’d have gotten a fright so glad your a observant driver OP.

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 09/05/2019 18:10

She’s a fucking idiot. I couldn’t/wouldn’t take my eye off my child with ASD for a millisecond in a car park.

TriciaH87 · 09/05/2019 18:10

I would have said yes he has autism he also has a stupid mother if she can't watch her child carefully in a car park knowing cars will move and knowing he doesn't have a sense of danger. Autism may be a valid reason for him but it's clear his mother doesn't give a s**t.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 09/05/2019 18:11

But the OP had a near miss and shouting at someone else doesnt achieve anything.

I was halfway across the road, with 2 of mine (holding their hands) when a dad parked on double yellows shot backwards without looking and came bloody close to hitting DD.

Better believe I fucking shouted at him!