To feel fed up of wiping my 11 year olds bum?

[8feet12paws2fins]

Ok so fed up is definitely the wrong word. More disheartened and perhaps frustrated! 11 year old ds has dexterity issues, which he is having an assessment for amongst other issues. There are quite a few things he can’t do but the bum wiping is the biggest issue. He always has a go but he just ends up in more of a mess! He is an ‘adult sized’ child, with adult sized poos lol I love my kids and would do anything for them but am I awful for wanting to cry sometimes when I’m sat eating my dinner and I get a shout from upstairs ‘can you come and check my bum’ and I just know it will be a big smelly mess that awaits. I feel awful even saying it. Probably just tired and emotional today

If he’s sitting sideways, his bum cheeks may actually be close together. Therefore the poo will be running down both of them on the way out before even attempting to wipe. This may be why he’s getting in such a mess. Encourage him to sit correctly and use a stool to rest his feet. This will mean he’s sitting in the correct sitting position.

I don't understand how anyone can clean themselves properly with just dry loo paper! I'd get him some babywipes (dispose of them in a sanitary bag instead of flushing) they clean better than toilet wipes and are bigger.

You can also get a long handled loo paper holder (designed for people with disabilities who struggle to reach).

Or teach him to wash the way the majority of the world washes (UK excluded) with water! He gets the worst of it off with paper, then pours water from a jug (or use a shower hose if it's long enough) between legs, using the other hand to clean. Preferably with a squirt of soap in the cleaning hand. A small watering can works too.

A spray bidet doesnt take up any room,it's like a little mini shower head. My MIL has one in an absolutely tiny seperate under the stairs loo. It can be plumbed into the pipes that go to the sink. www.victorianplumbing.co.uk/modern-douche-shower-spray-kit-with-wall-bracket-hose-chrome?campaign=googlebase&pagetype=shopping&gclsrc=aw.ds&&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIn6Wqle6O4gIVlYjVCh2TngsFEAQYASABEgILxfD_BwE. If he wipes, sprays,then uses a cloth or babywipe,he should definitely gwt the worst off. Worst case scenario, you could spray and he could wipe, still a bit less intrusive for him now that he's older.

Aww, you are a good mum and definitely not unreasonable! Would flushable wet wipes help? A mirror?

Shower or bidet

Hello,

Just wanted to confirm that the OP's a long-term member of the site and is clearly going through a crappy time here (pun intended - sorry if it's misplaced!)

We know we've had problems in the past with trolls who like to post about topics like this, but please always just hit the report button rather than airing any doubts on the thread itself. Troll hunting is not only against our Talk Guidelines, but also pretty upsetting for the OP.

We can see you're getting lots of good advice and support here too so we'll dip out now. Sending good wishes, and a your way, 8feet12paws2fins.

Going through a crappy time
Definitely not misplaced! I promise I’m not miserable and can take a joke! Just having a moan about the situation! Thanks @jomumsnet

@8feet12paws2fins

This is my local service, if you Google (or ask at gp?) you should be able to find out if there is something similar near you. My DS is still pretty useless at buttering etc but we've cracked the bottom wiping (good job since he's now 16 😂)

The link would have helped www.leedscommunityhealthcare.nhs.uk/our-services-a-z/integrated-childrens-additional-needs-service-i-can4/childrens-occupational-therapy/

My Ds(14) is physically disabled. We have a Bio Bidet fitted in our downstairs loo. it washes and dries him. I'd recommend one. Still have to do it when on holiday though!

In S E Asia toilets have built in bidets and air dryers.
Probably not cheap but all you need to do is remain seated and press a button.
They might be available here.
I think they are made in Japan.

Agree that sitting sideways on loo won't help, as he'll be in the wrong position.

Can you work on that - Eg buy a new, 'special' loo seat that may encourage him to face forward. Or consider step stool or squatty potty to aid positioning.

Yes, it's a thing

@confuzzlediddled
I’ve had a quick look and it doesn’t appear there is that service in my area. The whole thing for my local authority was pretty basic actually so I think I need to have a deeper look in to it. Thanks
@fireyunicorn
Having looked in to it because of this thread, it really isn’t something within our limited budget. Thank you though

I was like this when my ds was 11. He had to have masses of movicol daily and go daily so it was never ending.

We tried everything!

Luckily he did eventually get it and by about 13 had sussed it!

Now if I could just teach to to tie shoelaces ......

Get some flannels,. Or cut up old towels
He wipes with roll.
Then he wets the flannel washes his bum, and chucks it in a nappy bin. You can then just wash then and dry to reuse.

Is he constipated, because it seems there is too much poo?

Do you have a shower OP? Personally at 11 I’d advise him if he needs help to clean then he can shower and use his very own cleaning sponge/flannel etc... (is wash them daily)

You can buy these () on amazon.

Yes we have a shower and a bath (shower over bath). As I say any sink/washing facility is in a separate room to the toilet so any wet flannels etc would either have to be taken in before hand or he would have to shuffle out of the toilet and in to the bathroom.
is he constipated
He goes regularly, at least once a day, sometimes twice. If a person is constipated they either don’t go at all or have bypass faeces which is what seeps around the poo (I look after complex care adults for my job)

Ahh the lovely sound of 'I've done a poo' from upstairs when you are sat at the dinner table.

I have a 11 year old that needs help too, what is worse though, is his bad or none attempts because it just dries hard.

You have my sympathies, I need to get something sorted really.

Oh and I am not even thinking about shoe laces, school in September bans velcro shoes.

Someone mentioned giving more fibre to make things more solid - this is the exact opposite of what will happen. Fibre softens the stool, he needs less fibre to get a harder stool.

Op, havd you thought of keeping something like a measuring jug/ watering can by the toilet. So he can fill it with water and use it? Ive seen this in plenty of muslim houses where they wash after using the loo.

Something like this

I thought it was just me...I'm relieved I'm not alone. Not my thread obviously but thanks everyone for the ideas x

@moonrises yes ds starts highschool in September and I’m not sure that they are allowed Velcro either. The shoe criteria seems ridiculously specific.

@wizzywig
I honestly don’t think he would have the ability to correctly angle a jug or anything else and tip water in the correct area, it would probably just end up all over the floor.