To feel fed up of wiping my 11 year olds bum?

[8feet12paws2fins]

Ok so fed up is definitely the wrong word. More disheartened and perhaps frustrated! 11 year old ds has dexterity issues, which he is having an assessment for amongst other issues. There are quite a few things he can’t do but the bum wiping is the biggest issue. He always has a go but he just ends up in more of a mess! He is an ‘adult sized’ child, with adult sized poos lol I love my kids and would do anything for them but am I awful for wanting to cry sometimes when I’m sat eating my dinner and I get a shout from upstairs ‘can you come and check my bum’ and I just know it will be a big smelly mess that awaits. I feel awful even saying it. Probably just tired and emotional today

Look on Amazon for an extendable arm which holds the toilet paper.

You can buy a plastic bidet insert that fits into the toilet bowl.
He can have a basic clean up with toilet roll, then stick the bidet bowl in the loo, fill it with a jug of warm water and a squirt of baby bath stuff then sit in it and just use his hands to finish off.
As long as he washes his hands properly afterwards it should be fine.
I bought one for MIL when she couldn't manage to wipe.
We used dark coloured flannels to dry with, then put them straight into napisan.
I got it from one of those catalogues that sells disability aids.

www.nrshealthcare.co.uk/bathroom-aids/toilet-aids/portable-bidets-wipers-accessories/bidet-bowl?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI8YyHo-KO4gIVhEPTCh2-bAxFEAAYASAAEgLuLvD_BwE

I love mother nature and I do care about the environment but suggesting to wash soiled wipes in the washing machine is a bit too much. One thing is from a baby and another thing is from a child on solids.

We have one of the hand held 'portable bidets' - I would not recommend. If your son struggles with paper/wipes, he'll struggle to get the bidet at the correct angle while simultaneously pressing the button. The water goes everywhere and makes a massive mess.

Can you encourage him to use a sort of 'grabbing' motion with the tissue/wipe, rather than smearing it? If he's got a lot of poo left on his bum then this will stop him from wiping it up his back.

My DC (nearly 10) is fairly uncoordinated and can be wiping for a-g-e-s. Like 30 plus minutes. I only get asked to check about once a month - I just shout encouraging things up the stairs instead!

You can definitely get aids that help with this, such as this one: www.nrshealthcare.co.uk/bathroom-aids/toilet-aids/portable-bidets-wipers-accessories/buckingham-easywipe-bottom-wiper

Never had to use one myself, but had an interview for the company I've linked to about 3 years ago and had to familiarise myself with what they sell. Didn't realise it would come in handy on an anonymous forum at some point!

OP, my DS is 10 and he still calls me to check on his bottom He isn't embarrassed either

Hope you aren’t the poo troll

Someone actually trolls about poo? I wish I was trolling but it’s serious and actually affects all of our lives as dramatic as that sounds!

We don’t have the room at all for a bidet. Our bathroom is tiny, a bath, a sink and toilet all next to each other with a small amount of room to stand (seriously).
I’ve tried directing him how to do it.
Yes his dad does also do the wiping duties when he is not at work.
I think it has all come to a head as well because he is now going through puberty and it feels like a pivotal point in his life. I feel sorry for myself yes but I feel more sorry for him! Poor lad, having to get help with basic things at an age where most want more independence.

pappajones he is also hyper mobile. We don’t have an OT yet. Have had problems since birth but was passed from pillar to post. Had chromosome testing etc but now finally we have a multi disciplinary appointment so fingers crossed we get somewhere.

Could you look into getting a bidet installed to give him some independence and dignity?

My son has sn and is 8 , I have to do this for him but he does try ..
if I were you I would tell him to flush before you come so you aren't faced with the poo as well as the bum ( my son does this for me )
And get him to wipe first then you wipe .. I use one wet wipe and flush so it's not so messy ..
There is no reason why he can't do those things if my son with sn can .

It's so tough having to work round challenges that are not typical.
DO you have an OT you can talk to? They will have lots of solutions, depending on his particular issue - gripping the paper, manipulating his arm and wrist etc, or not using enough pressure.

There are a lot of different sites that have different techniques that he might be able to one that helps him, totally advise you vetting them first though, some are not geared towards health needs!

There are inexpensive aids like these

www.completecareshop.co.uk/toileting-aids/bottom-wipers/

Or have a google of japanese toilet seats that have bidet built in. They are a few hundred pounds but are decreasing in price as they become more available.

It's well worth trying to find a solution now for both of you. As he gets older he may start to feel self conscious and it could impact on his confidence and things like sleep overs/school trips etc.

I hope you find something that works for you soon.

There are lots of

You can get a bigger attachment for the toilet, out has a button on the side that you can push for a jet of water. Would that be usable for DS?

*button not bigger!

Couldn't you have him take a shower after he uses the toilet? Wouldn't that be easier for everyone?

I broke both of my arms a few years ago, I had a the Buckingham bottom wiper that’s linked up thread. I managed with a broken wrist and dislocated elbow.

Also get him to sit so that his cheeks are spread rather than closed ifyswim

Again, it’s may be that I’m tired and emotional today but I find it quite upsetting that a second person has suggested that I’m a troll!! I can assure you I can think of plenty of better things to do for fun and kicks than make a post about wiping someone’s arse for gods sake!
Just because I haven’t looked in to a device/aid/equipment it doesn’t mean I’m a troll!
Also I’ve NEVER been given advice about it despite doctors and others knowing the situation. As I said, we are waiting on a multi disciplinary appointment for multiple things and shock horror - sometimes people just don’t get the help they require. Doesn’t make me a troll!

a mini bidet might fit www.amazon.com.au/Vinteky-Handheld-Attachment-Adjustable-Pressure/dp/B07BBPW8ST/?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Get him a step stool for the actual pooing.. if it's all in his butt cheeks then probably he isn't sitting very well either..he's either leaning back too far or hasn't his legs far enough apart. (My adult youngest has special needs and issues with this..that and he keeps pulling the entire loo seat off the bowl somehow ) He needs to sit better so his poo is dropping straight down.

After that I'd say it's time to practise.. get cheap disposable gloves from a pound shop and wipes and a bin for the wipes and he keeps going til it's clean.. honestly it' the only way forward. My son is hypermobile, autistic and dyspraxic but there came a time when I was wiping a hairy ass..and that's when we really stepped up the practice.
Now and then yes there are not nice pants but he has got much better!

There was a thread last week with people talking about using water instead of loo roll. A lady was having a loo hose fitter on her toilet, apparently it's what is used in some other countries and supposed to be much cleaner. Quite a few posters had them.

Might help?

So glad it's not just me 🤦🏽‍♀️

A bidet might be a good solution. Alternatively a Japanese toilet.

There are special toilets for closomats available for disabled people who can’t wipe. They wash and dry you.

OP, you’re not a troll, I’ve been exactly where you are, I get it.

Hang in there OP, 💐
My DD has diagnosed additional needs, including Sensory and dexterity issues, so I know where you’re coming from. Practice, patience, and step by step instruction REALLY helps.

She was late to toilet train and I was in despair that she’d never wipe her bum so I went right back to basics. Finding ways to fold and hold the paper (because if you have dexterity issues it’s NOT THAT SIMPLE). Describe how bum feels and what they should be aiming for, I,m not even kidding, had to explain to my DD how far round, behind and under to go as she just wasn’t aware. And wiping from bottom to top NOT side to side😩 practice when it’s not necessary, in bath or whatever, practice, talk about it, keep the routine consistent to include fluid down, flush, wash hands oh and getting dressed, I remember leaving that obvious step out and my DD waddled around the bathroom till I realised why 😂Reminders for the “courtesy flush” if she’s used half a roll of loo paper, to avoid clogging loo 😱🤣

Omg, seriously it messed with my sanity something chronic BUT we are getting there (11yrs) She can nearly manage it now but might still yell for me to come “check” she’s done it right.

It’ll get better👍Xx

Try with cloth wipes or cheap flannels, damp but not wet, easier to hold, get inbetween the cheeks and have a bit of drag across the bottom area, wet wipes can be a bit slidey.

Bucket with a lid next to the loo and he can pop them in there when done. Wash in the machine, it’s really fine, we had cloth nappies and the washing machine is very effective at getting them clean and cleaning it’s self.

Buy a dark colour