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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel fed up of wiping my 11 year olds bum?

118 replies

8feet12paws2fins · 09/05/2019 16:00

Ok so fed up is definitely the wrong word. More disheartened and perhaps frustrated! 11 year old ds has dexterity issues, which he is having an assessment for amongst other issues. There are quite a few things he can’t do but the bum wiping is the biggest issue. He always has a go but he just ends up in more of a mess! He is an ‘adult sized’ child, with adult sized poos lol I love my kids and would do anything for them but am I awful for wanting to cry sometimes when I’m sat eating my dinner and I get a shout from upstairs ‘can you come and check my bum’ and I just know it will be a big smelly mess that awaits. I feel awful even saying it. Probably just tired and emotional today Blush

OP posts:
Waveysnail · 09/05/2019 16:01

Some days are just rubbish. Flowers

Disfordarkchocolate · 09/05/2019 16:03

Is there any equipment you can get for this, people with dexterity issues don't always live with someone.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/05/2019 16:05

Course you’re not awful! Sounds difficult for all of you. Does he have an easier time with wet wipes? DSS doesn’t have dexterity difficulties but for a while he found bum wiping too boring to do properly and found the wet ones much easier.

gamerchick · 09/05/2019 16:08

Has he tried wet wipes (to put in a bag obviously)? He might have a better time.

I hear you though, I thought I was condemned to life of wiping my youngests bum. Thankfully by 12 he had nailed it.

Original poster
8feet12paws2fins · 09/05/2019 16:11

Thanks wavey
is there any equipment you can get for this
I actually don’t know, as stupid as it sounds, I haven’t looked in to it. Just sort of accepted our fate but I know it can’t continue forever. I’m wondering if people use bidets or ‘have a wash’ each time?!

does he have an easier time with wet wipes

As much as people will recoil in horror we have toilet wipes available which is what I usually clean him up with, he’s tried using them but uses several and is still nowhere near clean, not good for the toilet, drains, or anything else actually lol

OP posts:
CloudRusting · 09/05/2019 16:11

I would agree with trying baby wipes if you haven’t already. He is likely to find it much easier. Don’t flush though!

TheQueef · 09/05/2019 16:12

Cheap nappy bin for the wipes.

CloudRusting · 09/05/2019 16:12

Don’t flush toilet wipes even though they say they are flushable, they will clog your drains or turn into a fatberg.

Really, try actual baby wipes. They are bigger and stronger.

mrsm43s · 09/05/2019 16:13

I'd second wet wipes, or a wet flannel. TBH at 11 he should be aiming for independence in this area if its at all possible, so I would say that even him jumping in the shower for a quick wash after a poo is a better option that you going and wiping for him. Obviously that's assuming he doesn't have other difficulties that mean he will never be able to manage his own personal care.

BarbarianMum · 09/05/2019 16:15

YANBU

I suggest you move away from him "having a go". Tell him to keep wiping til he is sure he's clean (used wipes in a bag then in bin) then you check him. He needs to wipe til it wipes comes away clean. Poor dexterity may mean he needs more wipes then average but he should still be able to get there with practise.

wengie · 09/05/2019 16:16

Do you have a shower you could try and encourage him to shower after to get himself cleaned up?

StCharlotte · 09/05/2019 16:18

Oh Lord, you poor thing. And poor lad. I think "fed up" is very restrained in the circumstances.

I wonder if he could try different "techniques" - sitting down if he normally does it standing up, or vice versa? Wiping forward (which I know is a no-no for us females but is it the same for boys/men? I'm trying not to picture it.)? Taking it really slowly?

Does his Dad help too?

qwertyskirty · 09/05/2019 16:18

Bidet? You can get handheld sort of electronic water squirting things - less hassle than a shower and relatively easy to use.... And shouldn't disperse the poo any further than toilet roll would...

wengie · 09/05/2019 16:19

When he calls you stand next to him and direct him on how to do it. He will get used to it eventually and you can slowly take a step back.

TheMaddHugger · 09/05/2019 16:19

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GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/05/2019 16:20

I think you're perfectly entitled to feel fed up! Another vote for encouraging him to keep wiping until he is clean. Could you use mirrors to help him see what he's doing?

SkintAsASkintThing · 09/05/2019 16:21

Op. You can get aids that help with this. You can even have a bidet thing attached to your loo and there are portable ones too.

Wiping his arse just isn't practical long term, have a look round at some of the cheaper aids and go from there.

Sexnotgender · 09/05/2019 16:22

Have you thought about reusable wipes?

I use cheeky wipes for my baby and they are SO much better than disposable at cleaning as well as being better environmentally!

The starter kit comes with 2 boxes, one fresh and one dirty. Dirty one has a little net bag that you just pop the wipes in then wash so no touching dirty wipes.

He’s old enough to take responsibility for that.

Maybe a slightly expensive solution but I can imagine your frustration.

DownWentTheFlag · 09/05/2019 16:24

There are aids you can buy on Amazon for this sort of thing. Like an extendable arm which holds the toilet paper for you.

pappajonessecretchild · 09/05/2019 16:24

try and limit the damage, get him to flush the poop away before calling you, and make sure the window is always a jar! i would reccomend you get an o.t. referral, the might have a few tricks you havent thought of. my sympathy is with you, my 11 yr old, dyspraxic, hypermobile boy has soiled himself on the beach and in the middle of blackpool town. this was not in the baby manual!

bluebluezoo · 09/05/2019 16:24

Do you have a hand held shower?

Strip to waist, poo, rinse off bum with shower.

That or install a bidet :)

Original poster
8feet12paws2fins · 09/05/2019 16:25

We have tried different techniques, standing/sitting/leaning Hmm and none have been effective. I suppose we could try the whole ‘just use as many wipes as it takes to get clean’ but it seems really wasteful and I still don’t know if he would end up fully clean. Sometimes I say ‘please have another go’ because (sorry tmi) but sometimes his bum cheeks are literally full of poo. His dexterity issues seem to leave him unable to get ‘in’ there and also he seems to wipe anything he does manage to get to, up the top of his bum and even when he re-wipes it doesn’t remotely remove any of the stuff at the top! I don’t think he can hold his hand in an effective position or even grasp the toilet paper in the correct way.

OP posts:
BlueSkiesLies · 09/05/2019 16:26

Can he shower from the waist down after a poo? Or use a bidet if you have one? Or wet wipes? Or some kind of wiping aid?!?

FloofenHoofen · 09/05/2019 16:28

So what does he do when he's at school?