To feel fed up of wiping my 11 year olds bum?

[8feet12paws2fins]

Ok so fed up is definitely the wrong word. More disheartened and perhaps frustrated! 11 year old ds has dexterity issues, which he is having an assessment for amongst other issues. There are quite a few things he can’t do but the bum wiping is the biggest issue. He always has a go but he just ends up in more of a mess! He is an ‘adult sized’ child, with adult sized poos lol I love my kids and would do anything for them but am I awful for wanting to cry sometimes when I’m sat eating my dinner and I get a shout from upstairs ‘can you come and check my bum’ and I just know it will be a big smelly mess that awaits. I feel awful even saying it. Probably just tired and emotional today

I am imagining a jug of water and not sure whether to laugh or cry, because it really would just go everywhere.

RE shoes OT gave me fake laces when I was younger (also dyspraxic) - I cant for the life of me remember how they worked but you put them on slip ons or Velcro and they looked like normal lace ups ... I didn’t learn to tie a bow until I was 25 !!

www.amazon.co.uk/INMAKER-Elastic-Silicone-Oxford-Brogues/dp/B01LN0RB8Y/ref=sr_1_3_sspa?s=gateway&keywords=shoe%2Blaces%2Bno%2Btie&th=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1557427086&sr=8-3-spons

Shoe laces are an easier problem to solve!

100% get him using wetwipes. Hope they help!

I lived in Far East for a couple of decades. They do t really do poo paper instead they have a little jet water squirted next tobthe loo. Could you try that ?

Op you have my sympathies.
This morning I had a delightful call of, "mama I have poo in sock..."
Oh joy.

Ds is nearly 9 and was only out of nappies last year, he has had a lot of gastro issues and needs medication to poo. As a result his poo is fairly explosive. This combined with his sensory issues and co ordination and dexterity problems make for a work in progress as far as wiping goes!

Unfortunately OT have been bloody useless. Things that seem to be helping are ....
Practising reaching behind by exercises involving passing a ball behind body
Using senset cleaning foam on toilet paper (otherwise we end up with 100s of pooey wipes!)
Putting feet on low stool when pooing

We've still got a long way to go, and he still needs support at school with wiping. Things like bidets and showers after would cause him a lot of difficulties sensory wise so I'm not sure they would help him, but I am hoping he'll get there in the end.

I would offer a hand hold but after reading the above, you probably don't won't to hold it!!

No advice. But lots of love to you op. You sound like you have much more patience and kindness than I would.
Good luck

I feel your pain @8feet12paws2fins, just wanted to say you're not alone, mines younger than yours and we not remotely close to independent toileting so I can utterly understand what you're going through, just wanted to send 💐 and whatever else you need to help keep sane! There's so little support for parents like us!

We used Cheeky Wipes (essentially just little flannels) when DDs were babies - they were so much better at cleaning poo than baby wipes. They come with a clean and dirty box - essentially just lock n lock tubs, the clean one with fresh water and essential oils (if you like). They now sell them as “reusable toilet paper” too.

You could do something similar, and more cheaply, with flannels and tubs - then he wouldn’t need to go to bathroom to wet the flannels.

My son is 7, nearly 8 and I have the same issue with my son OP, so you have my sympathy. He has SEN and hypermobility. I think his hypermobility affects his bowel habits and he often gets constipated. That makes it harder as the motions don't always come out cleanly. He gets himself in a right mess so I always have to check him. He also struggles to wipe himself. I too often sit down for dinner and get the call to check his bum.

It doesn't matter if school allow Velcro etc.

If there is a disability the have to make reasonable adjustments via equality act. There is no justifiable reason not to allow Velcro and its doesn't cost them!

I’m know it sounds like a cliche when I say this but it really is nice to know that so many people are going through similar things (not nice that we all are but nice that we are in it together so to speak). Thanks for all of the advice, hand holds and hugs and sympathy, I appreciate it all! As I mentioned previously I do complex care with adults and when I’m at work I feel like a fraud for getting down and frustrated at times with our situation, which seems to pale in comparison to the situations I see there. We are all only human though and as much as we love our kids, it can be trying sometimes! Just hoping for answers after all these years! Kicking myself for letting people pass him from pillar to post for so long! to everyone in similar situations.

Ask for an OT assessment they came out for my gran who has issues with wiping herself. They installed a bio bidet it’s been a lifesaver for her.

I’ve been reading with interest as my 16 year old, who is severely autistic and I suspect dyspraxia, has recently developed similar issues having been ok for several years. Those of you who’ve mentioned the biobidet - would this be able to be operated by someone with severe learning difficulties? Or does anyone have ideas for repositioning someone who is sitting too far back on the loo? I almost feel as if we need a cushion like arrangement to make him sit forward. Sorry to hijack OP!

sorry to hijack
No problem at all, this thread has lots of advice so it seems like a good place to come if you’re looking for some. Hope someone can help.

Do gave a google of a shattaf. I've been to houses where there is a bidet hose within the toilet bowl that might be easier if dexterity is a problem. Takes a bit of getting used to with the high pressure but cleans everything and is environmentally friendly.

Sitting sideways will make an absolutely huge difference unfortunately.

It will spread everywhere.

If you sit straight on, but not squished up, there's a certain way of sitting so theoretically it should all come straight out. It's to do with butt cheek placement.

I know you've probably already done this ad infinitum but teaching him in very very basic steps exactly what to do again.

Folding the loo roll into pre-set shapes that are easier.

Might that help?

I think the key may be making sure it doesn't get everywhere in the first place, so not being squished. Good luck with it. It sounds really difficult.

Does he scrunch paper or fold? Have you tried getting himto go in morning? Could be he's holding it till he gets home and that's making it stick to his bum. Can he squat over a bowl or bucket, even in the bath.