Wedding vows renewal not for that reason.

[Burlea]

I don't know if this is the right place to post.
Last night we were given an invitation to a wedding renewal from very good friends. They have decided to do this because both are in remission from cancer.
They want to celebrate with friends and family as it has been a big fight to get well.
Also there was another couple that we all have only known for about 2 years. They were also given an invite and she said 'ok who's had the affair'. You could've
cut the air with a knife.(they knew about the cancer but maybe not realise that is why they are doing it).
Why do people automatically think that is the reason you renew vows.

My DH and I always thought we would do a vow renewal or at least have a party for our 10th anniversary. Thankfully when it came down to spending the money DH wanted us to go away. It's only in recent years I've come to realise people see this sort of thing as evidence of adultery.

I think if we were ever go do it now it would be a private affair and just something for us.

'think if we were ever go do it now it would be a private affair and just something for us.'

How refreshing to hear

The person who asked about an affair is a twat.

I hope your friends have a lovely renewal.

My dad & step mum renewed their vows a year and a half ago because my dad had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and they wanted to reaffirm their love for each other and have a big party with their friends and family while my dad was fit enough.

Oh I'd forgotten, my mum & step dad had their marriage blessed in church too on their 10th anniversary which I thought was lovely. They both turned 60 that year as well so had a big party for that as a 3 in 1 type thing.

@Kennehora
What does it say? That when we said 'til death us do part', we meant it?

I am guessing you are also one of those that says "I told you I love you, I don't need to keep telling you. I'll let you know if it changes!"

I tell my husband morning and night (and other random times) that I love him. By your logic and many others on MN. - If I tell him in the evening after I've told him in the morning, does that mean sometime during the day I fell OUT of love with him. It must do right? If I've said it once, why do I need to say it again? We both remember the first time, surely it's "tacky" to say it repeatedly?!

And to those people that are saying "just throw a big party" - what's the difference between throwing a big party and having some speeches about the couple and by the couple and them saying their vows again to each other surrounded by friends and family. If it means something to the couple, what does it matter?! If people don't want to "be dragged to all the wedding fandango!" (@BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail) they won't.

As I said in my previous post, our renewal will be witnessed by a very small group of friends and family who are all aware of my reasons and will be cheering us on and not for one second thinking either of us had an affair. Yes, my first vows stand, but I want to feel alive when I say them this time and I want my precious husband to know I really mean them. I am not redoing my vows, they are not broken, I am saying them again and reaffirming them. It's a silly notion to think something has to be broken for it to be re-iterated, like "I love you".

I’m sorry to read about your dad, kaytee87. I’m glad they had a lovely day. 💐

I wouldn't have said it but I might have thought it, although maybe not in regards to your friends' situation. Why the need (more generally) to renew vows unless the marriage needs resetting (ie post affair). Its pointless attention seeking nonsense in my opinion. You got married, now you are married. Its as simple as that. I also think cheating with joint social media accounts!

I agree, PurpleDaisies.

LOL @ Hollow 'you could speak klingon'.

Sorry @FryTime, but there is no logic in your argument. The two scenarios just don't compare.

The problem for me is when couples expect other people to buy into it. My DH's close friend and his wife are planning something similar. I find the whole thing a bit icky and I really don't want to go but it will give offence if I decline.

Don't mistake me, it's a lovely thing that people want to reaffirm their commitment to one another but why make it a performance?

I find the whole thing a bit icky and I really don't want to go but it will give offence if I decline.

Get a spine! Just make up some excuse. Stop enabling this sort of attention-seeking. I agree with you about the whole production with audience. Cringe!

Of course you can decline without causing offence. I've turned down many invites for events that don't appeal or I don't agree with. It's an invite, not a summons.

I don't see the need to renew vows if they haven't been broken. To me you only need to say them once

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss and @ItalianEarthernware I would decline like a shot in other circumstances believe me, no lack of spine here! 😁

However in this case I feel it might be politic to approach it slightly differently for the sake of others. I expect I'll find I am unavoidably committed elsewhere...