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Original poster

Wedding vows renewal not for that reason.

139 replies

Burlea · 09/05/2019 09:15

I don't know if this is the right place to post.
Last night we were given an invitation to a wedding renewal from very good friends. They have decided to do this because both are in remission from cancer.
They want to celebrate with friends and family as it has been a big fight to get well.
Also there was another couple that we all have only known for about 2 years. They were also given an invite and she said 'ok who's had the affair'. You could've
cut the air with a knife.(they knew about the cancer but maybe not realise that is why they are doing it).
Why do people automatically think that is the reason you renew vows.

OP posts:
bamboofibre · 09/05/2019 17:48

Then just have a party, Fry. Having a whole production over it is a bit, well, a lot of people do think, 'right, who broke the vows?'

Purpleartichoke · 09/05/2019 17:50

This surprises me. DH and I have thought about doing a vow renewal. We just really love one another. We could just have an anniversary party, but a party with vow renewal just seems romantic.

S1naidSucks · 09/05/2019 17:50

There are some ignorant, judgmental dipsticks on here.

I’m so sorry for all that have and are going through CammieKennaway.

My DH and I got married away from home because of family circumstances, so we never had a traditional wedding. We used to talk about having a wedding reaffirmation on our 25th anniversary and a party afterwards. When he was diagnosed with terminal cancer he asked me if we could do it, as we’d never make our 25th together. If any judgmental wanker thought one of us had an affair, they wouldn’t be the kind of person I’d have any respect for. We had a wonderful day, with happiness as well as many tears.

Whoops75 · 09/05/2019 17:51

Nothing to stop anyone saying vows with their partner.

The need for an audience is the issue.

Hollowvictory · 09/05/2019 17:53

The original vows don't wear out. There's no expiry date on them.
Why do t your pals just have a great party?

Biancadelrioisback · 09/05/2019 17:53

So I posted this on another thread but goes here too!

I was an events manager / planner for over 10 years and I've done and seen many vow renewals for many different reasons.
Often, the couple were older and had a vow renewal because they couldn't have their dream wedding the first time around. Sometimes due to financial reasons, sometimes due to family politics, pressures and "tradition". Those who were forced into a huge wedding because parents of the bride were paying and wanted to invite all their friends to showoff, or similarly forced into a small wedding, somewhere they didn't like, wearing a dress they didn't love, because what they really wanted wasn't as available as it would be now (destination weddings etc).

Couples who had vow renewals, some may have cheated. Some did it for the same reasons as your friends. Some missed planning something and wanted to do it again. Some were bored. Some just didn't feel loved.

TBF, on here, any frills, niceties and celebrations you have in your life, makes you ridiculous or grabby and you should be humbled that people don't laugh in your face for being pathetic. Heaven forbid you try and do something the way you want.

MsChookandtheelvesofFahFah · 09/05/2019 17:57

I only realised they were a thing when I watched Dawn and Pete have one in Gavin and Stacey. Even then I thought it was something they'd dreamt up Blush

bamboofibre · 09/05/2019 18:02

Well, obviously it's not just 'on here' because the OP relates an incident that happened in real life. It's cringe and twee and sappy.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 09/05/2019 18:05

People say it because they have either little imagination or are cunts. To be honest I wouldn't even think it let alone say it, but then DH and I had spoken about celebrating him recovering from cancer by renewing our vows and going to Vegas alone to do so. I think the wording renewal isn't entirely accurate. It isn't so much remaking a promise already made, but reaffirming that you still feel the same way and (in some cases) have come through a really tough time and want to publically mark your gratitude for your spouse.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 09/05/2019 18:06

I’ve never seen the point in vow renewals. Surely ‘til death do us part’ never runs out? But I would not automatically assume there had been an affair. Having said that I only know of two couples who have done this... both divorced shorty afterwards....

TriciaH87 · 09/05/2019 18:13

Friend of mine renewed theirs. Nothing to do with affair was just because she lost a huge amount of weight and wanted to have new photos. Renewed vows after 10 years.

Dillydallyingthrough · 09/05/2019 18:14

Like PP I hadn't heard of the affair link to renewing vows.

Been to 2 renewals no affairs in either - first it was the 25th anniversary and they had been 'forced' into marriage when the DW found out she was pregnant at 17. It had been a tiny affair - not how either party wanted their wedding. The second was when it was confirmed my late BF would pass from ovarian cancer - she wanted one day were all her family and friends were together and as a romantic gesture for her DH (I'm really glad she did it, it was a lovely day although emotional).

If I was married I can see how I may want to do it after many years, just as a way of strengthening what was said.....but as I'm not married (and have no plans) I'm not sure if that's how I would feel!

Dillydallyingthrough · 09/05/2019 18:17

Also agree with AndNoneForGretchenWieners
I view them as reaffirming the vows rather renewing them.

NotReadyForThisX2 · 09/05/2019 18:33

My grandparents renewed their vows on their 25th wedding anniversary. No affairs that I know of. But they'd eloped to marry as neither parents approved, my grandma was Irish Catholic my grandad from NI and Protestant.
They did it because, my grandma said it took her 25 years to convince him to say the vows in church. Although I think it was technically a marriage blessing, is that slightly different?
She also said it was easy to say the vows first time, they were young and madly in love. The second time she said them really knowing what they meant and how difficult marriage can be.

iolaus · 09/05/2019 18:40

I have to say thats where my mind goes when I hear vow renewal

Only time I've heard of it where I didn't think that was where the wife had had a head injury (I think it was a car crash - friend of a friend thing) and lost her memory so didn't remember their wedding - think they'd been married about 2 years - so I could understand that one

BogglesGoggles · 09/05/2019 18:43

I thought that people only did this after ending a marriage and then deciding to have a second go.

iolaus · 09/05/2019 18:46

I do think a blessing in a church is different (and I can kind of understand that if one/both of them are religious and don't feel they are 'properly' married)

I believe the ceremony is slightly different for a blessing though - I may be wrong though

ZoeWashburne · 09/05/2019 18:50

It’s not a drivers license. You don’t have to renew them. Everyone loves a party (with cake, dancing and even nice toast to each other), but once you start to have wedding 2.0 with the big white gown it just looks like celebrity cheating public declarations.

FryTime · 09/05/2019 18:55

@bamboofibre
Then just have a party, Fry. Having a whole production over it is a bit, well, a lot of people do think, 'right, who broke the vows?'

Did you not read the bit where I said I had been on anti-depressants and do not remember really saying my vows? I want to really be there and remember them. I want the wedding of my dreams, not the one I had. That means having my friends and family (probably about 10-15 people) witness me knowing what I was doing. The first time, we had a huge church wedding and we are both atheists.... Only a few people really knew I was "not really there", I want those very people, who love me and I love, to see me have my dream wedding (on the beach) and really saying my vows to my darling, wonderful, caring and patient husband. A party is just NOT the same thing...

And you know what? They all know we haven't cheated on each other, and the lovely reason behind it and to be frank, I don't really give a fat fig-roll what anyone else thinks!

I do wish people would stop judging others by their own very low standards!

WhatOnPlanetEarth · 09/05/2019 19:02

I hope some of the replies on this thread has made at least someone think twice about how they view a vow renewal

Blondequeenie · 09/05/2019 19:04

I am renewing my wedding vows this year, 1 year to the date of when me and DH got married.

We are doing this as we couldn't get married in our Catholic Church due to family issues so we are renewing in our church to reconfirm our commitment.

However, its really not a big thing and we may have some food and cake in the hall afterwards but thats about it! The rest of the day will be the both of us doing something nice on our own. We may invite a couple of people but not many. Vow renewals do not have to be big. I never would have thought people did this because of cheating. I thought maybe some people want a second wedding?

NC4Now · 09/05/2019 19:12

I understand that Blondequeenie. I wanted to give my marriage the Catholic tick too. I had an understanding priest who allowed me to take communion but it legitimises it in the Catholic Faith.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 09/05/2019 19:17

If vows haven't been broken they don't need renewing. I'd always assume a vow renewal was because they had been.

I get an anniversary patry but replaying the wedding has always seemed strange to me.

S1naidSucks · 09/05/2019 19:41

The only thing more annoying that judgmental, ignorant gits, is ignorant judgemental gits that then go on to repeat the same old “someone broke their vows, bla bla bla”, and dong bother reading previous posts. Either they don’t read the thread of they’re even more ignorant than I originally thought.

S1naidSucks · 09/05/2019 19:42

*don’t bother