Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To tell you all about my morning poo?

135 replies

myuncomfypoo · 08/05/2019 12:34

Name change because ya know......

I am not bunged up or anything and eat loads of fibre, fruit and veg etc
But........
This morning I had the most uncomfortable 💩 in my life

I was sitting on the loo and I swear it was like birthing a baby just from the other area. It must have been (or felt like) twice the size of the opening.

I started pushing and thought to myself ' do I really want to push this sucker out?' It was hard and uncomfortable and wide ( auto correct wanted me to type unconstitutional 😂😂) but decided that it's better out than in. So I pushed away until it came it. It was huge with a bit of fresh blood. My word I hope that never happens again.
I can't mention this to dp or ds ( even though at 6 ds finds 💩 and anything to do with 💩 hilarious) as I want him to have good habits. He has already thought dd2 to say 'bum bum' and that's bad enough. I never have anything to post on AIBU so just thought id share this with all you nice people on MN 😉🙂
Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Chesntoots · 10/05/2019 22:16

I didn't eat for about three days because I knew it would hurt like a bastard when I did eventually go!

MyNameIsFartacus · 10/05/2019 22:16

A patient at work once shat out a solid poo the size of half a French stick, at least a foot long, oh how we laughed (we deal with a lot of poo, it comes in lots of different varieties, but never before or since have I seen one as large as "The Baguette")

PookieDo · 10/05/2019 22:19

Not a poo troll myself but when i was about 17 I was so constipated, I came home from 6th form as I felt really rough. I tried to go for a really long time and it was so completely stuck and painful I remember lying on the landing in tears and calling my mum at work ‘mum my poo is stuck’ she was mortified as am I now recounting this story Blush

A couple of years later I absentmindedly ate nearly a whole packet of sugar free polos at work and was violently stricken with diarrhoea. I had to get the bus home from work trying not to have an accident. I wish I had known about that sooner as I could have went my mum out for some for the first time round

cocodash · 10/05/2019 22:40

I love a good poo story.

On holiday in Egypt a few years ago I had a very sore tummy one night, left DH, went back to room for what I thought was a well needed a poo and oh my fucking god, I was sweating and shaking and actually had to strip off naked while on the pan I put that much effort in. Nothing. Nada. Not even close. Nearly in tears as stomach so sore and I was pushing so hard I thought my bumhole was going to collapse. genuinally think I was calling out for help and maybe some real tears 😂
Then finally after what feels like hours, I pass a wee boulder type jaggy jobby followed immediately by a tidal wave of half My body weight in non stop diarrhea..... Turns out egyptian belly is a total mind fuck 💩💩

Iggly · 10/05/2019 22:44

When this happens to me, it’s because I’m not drinking enough water. As simple as that really! I need to drink loads of water and sometimes I get dehydrated without realising.

AnneField · 10/05/2019 22:58

Codeine user here, I can relate. Also OP, good on you for opening a discussion about poo. Given that your output is a great indicator of health, we really should talk about it more often. Not a poo troll, I promise!

sprouts21 · 10/05/2019 23:09

I was unfortunate to see one of these enormous poos in a pub toilet last week. I tried to flush it but it wouldn't budge. I can still see it now.

RSAcre · 10/05/2019 23:11

In the days when I could have a "proper" drink, the morning after a few pints, my morning dump was like a flock of starlings taking off.

I've even taken a photo then realised noone would want to see it.

I haven't been on Mumsnet very long, but posts like these convince me that MN is the gift that keeps on giving, @LakieLady, @Loobyloo xx

Original poster
myuncomfypoo · 11/05/2019 00:02

@MyNameIsFartacus there goes my planned lunch for tomorrow 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
myuncomfypoo · 11/05/2019 00:28

@sprouts21 what the eyes 👀 they never forget

OP posts:
OldAndWornOut · 11/05/2019 00:36

I worked with a tiny little slip of a woman, who did such a big poo, it got wedged in the toilet and blocked it.
We had to break it up with a stick, and it took some doing!

maddening · 11/05/2019 01:38

I birthed some whoppers after ds was born, they were like a rugby ball the width was as wide as the toilet pipe. Dh (then df) was totally shocked that anyone could do a poo that big.

itscallednickingbentcoppers · 11/05/2019 01:45

That must have been very satisfying OP. I've had runny poos all week which is most unlike me. It does make the process a lot quicker though, like turning a tap off and on.

alcoholyoulater · 11/05/2019 02:12

I'm actually gutted at all these huge poo stories. I can't shit for toffee and have been known to lament for a good poo.

UnPocoLoco2 · 11/05/2019 08:38

@AnneField what started as me simply poking fun at myself and my bathroom habits has entertained most people in here. Except for one or two dry shites at the start who think their farts don't stink. The phrase clutches pearls comes to mind

UnPocoLoco2 · 11/05/2019 08:45

I am aware of the name change too before it is pointed out to me Smile

DuffBeer · 11/05/2019 08:53

*@Unpoco
*
That is a very good point! I never asked whether cleaned the knife with bleach after use Grin

Knowing him he probably just rinsed it under the tap

DuffBeer · 11/05/2019 08:56

May I also suggest anal suppositories for those who are backed up or can't push.

They are extremely effective!

CurlyhairedAssassin · 11/05/2019 11:08

There is nothing that gives more of a sense of satisfaction than being able to poo after a long time of not being able to. I remember not going for a week after DS1 was born. I was so sore after the birth that I was scared to go and things were, er, backing up, shall we say.

I knew the midwife was due to do a home visit again and she had been constantly asking if I “had moved my bowels yet” so the night before her next visit I took some sennakot and went to bed praying I wouldn’t shit the bed.

Next morning still nothing then after a couple of hours with the midwife due within the next hour I felt the URGE. Oh the sweats and panic and tears feeling like my stitches would burst but eventually out it came and it was so big it blocked the toilet for hours but I didn’t care. I was just glad to get it out. In fact so glad that I burst out of the bathroom with a big grin on my face shouting to DH that I had just managed to have a big massive poo finally and was so happy, to find him at the bottom of the stairs opening the door to the midwife. Blush Grin. She had a look on her face that was a mixture of amusement, horror and respect.

llamawearingasombrero · 15/05/2019 17:08

The worst is when you're trying to 💩 but for whatever reason you cannot get it all out 🤫 and you can feel it when sitting and walking around and it really does feel as though you're growing a small tail 😳😳😂😂

llamawearingasombrero · 15/05/2019 18:21

@CurlyhairedAssassin oh my 😳🤫 that's quite embarrassing lol 😂

rachb2019 · 15/05/2019 21:04

@llamawearingasombrero No the worst thing is when you are trying to poo at work, but somebody uses the next cubicle along and it puts you off so you can't go! Blush

TheDarkPassenger · 15/05/2019 21:22

As they say there is nothing so over rated as a bad fuck and under rated as a good shit.

This is the most true thing I’ve ever read

Wauden · 15/05/2019 21:55

I am straining for the next post 🙇‍♀️💩

llamawearingasombrero · 16/05/2019 17:29

@rachb2019 yes that is bad