To tell you all about my morning poo?

[myuncomfypoo]

Name change because ya know......

I am not bunged up or anything and eat loads of fibre, fruit and veg etc
But........
This morning I had the most uncomfortable 💩 in my life

I was sitting on the loo and I swear it was like birthing a baby just from the other area. It must have been (or felt like) twice the size of the opening.

I started pushing and thought to myself ' do I really want to push this sucker out?' It was hard and uncomfortable and wide ( auto correct wanted me to type unconstitutional 😂😂) but decided that it's better out than in. So I pushed away until it came it. It was huge with a bit of fresh blood. My word I hope that never happens again.
I can't mention this to dp or ds ( even though at 6 ds finds 💩 and anything to do with 💩 hilarious) as I want him to have good habits. He has already thought dd2 to say 'bum bum' and that's bad enough. I never have anything to post on AIBU so just thought id share this with all you nice people on MN 😉🙂
Thanks for reading.

bugger

If anybody want to make the kids laugh Asda have a new milk toffee popcorn product. It's brown, uneven and circular. It is hard and resembles little nuggets of constipation 💩

@DuffBeer lol he cut it with a knife 😃😃 I hope you threw the knife away afterwards

@IkickedtheBigC wow that sounds rough. Did the doc give you a lot of constipation medication to move things along?

my unfortunately no they won't give you anything. My consultant said it would be loose and quite watery, but he LIED!!!
I suffered from Acute Constipation anyway, and surprisingly enough, they operated with a full bowel which really surprised me. I expected to have to take a bowel prep prior to surgery as I had with the colonoscopy and CT Colonography x x

Anybody doing a pub quiz this weekend ?? Here are some 💩 facts

1. Poo is mostly bacteria and not old food

2.it is brown because of dead blood cells and bile( white poo should always be checked out by a doctor- serious intestine problem)

3.women get constipated more than men. Men have shorter colons so pass poo easier apparently.

4 the ideal poo should be a continuous log and sink to the bottom of 🚽
5.there is a Bristol 💩 scale-created in Bristol of course

6.we need good gut bacteria and plant fibre to poo( eat your veggies people)

7.sweetcorn contains indigestible cellulose and that why we can see it in 💩 ( gives a nice colour change too I suppose)

8.you can judge how healthy your digestion is by tracking how long sweetcorn takes to appear at the opposite end in a 💩. I think 24 hours is ideal
9.if your eat a lot of fibre and less processed 💩 ( crap lol) then your poos are bulkier and firmer with less
need to wipe.
10. Herbs and spices come through in your 💩 ( like fenugreek)
11. You can have a 💩 transplant to treat C Diff infection
12. 💩 is about 75% water
13.white Hawaiian/maldive beaches are made mostly from parrotfish 💩

Your weekend is now complete. 😂😂👍👍

@IkickedtheBigC much respect after going through all that .✋👊

@MaddieElla your poor girl. A bowl of carrot and coriander soup and some dried apricots might just do the trick

I've spent my life being constipated and block the toilet at every bowel movement, it's horrendously embarrassing 💩🙈

Poo knife? Resident poo troll? I knew I joined MN for a reason! (I'm fairly new.)

WTF is a poo knife?! And there’s a poo troll?!

Great 💩 facts OP!

Yesterday I was having a shower whilst singing to 22 month old DS to try to keep him from destroying the bathroom. I heard the loo lid bang so I very sternly said "(DS name), no playing with the loo!". I peeked round the shower curtain and he looked particularly guilty so I smugly thought I'd had an impact.

Fast forward an hour, I'm back from nursery drop off, working away, and decide to nip upstairs for a poo. Finished my business, look down, only to find that DS had sneakily put the loo brush down the pan and I'd crapped all over it

We live and learn @Smokeahontas 🤗

@GreyGardens88 cubed? Are you a wombat?

@HavelockVetinari my word!! That had me in stitches 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

@HavelockVetinari how did you get the brush out? 😂😂

@Justkeeprollingalong thanks. Unfortunately I might think like I am 18 still but my body is no longer that of an 18 year old. I have done my research and learned how to keep things moving. Roasted food 👍👍👍 fried foods 👎👎👎👎👎

@Thismummyruns that sounds rough. Especially blocking the toilet. That's a big motion.

Omg i've never been able to confess my huge poo story but this thread has inspired me! Constipated for 10 days, pregnant, in agony, had used movicol etc but tho i had managed to go a bit, i knew i still felt blocked up. So went to the toilet, started to push and i swear to god i thought i was giving birth out my arse. It was stuck but past the point of no return so i just had to go for it. Was hanging off tbe pipe that goes up the wall in our bathroom, mooing like a cow and making such a racket DP came rushing up thinking i was in labour. After about half an hour of this nonsence i birthed what felt like 3 rock hard bricks. I didnt even get the satisfaction of seeing them as they fell with such force they disappeared round the u bend never to be seen again! Felt great after it tho! And even better for sharing 😂

I had external piles removed about 4 years ago so had an open wound around my ring.

I went hot, cold, sweaty and got the pinpoint vision and ringing ears thing trying for my first poo.....

Stingy is an understatement!!!!

At least you didn't have this problem happen to you at work! I did!!!

I went into the toilets - waited for everyone to leave - then couldn't go, but couldn't give up - and every time somebody else came in I had to stop trying and wait for them to leave!

Was stuck in there for an hour and still didn't go!

@Bouncingbelle 🤣🤣🤣 pregnancy constipation is the worst but makes for the best stories

@Chesntoots 😬😬the struggle is real

@rachb2019 not at work but have had similar problems in a hospital