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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think that the term 'natural birth' might cause upset to others?

304 replies

Mitzicoco · 07/05/2019 18:47

I had two water births. One fairly straightforward and the other not so (thank god I was in a hospital). When chatting to other mothers through NCT or baby groups I noticed that a lot of people referred to their births as natural. Nothing wrong with that, but I just wondered if I might feel upset by these comments if I had had a c-section, or some other delivery. Surely every birth is natural? What do you think?

OP posts:

Hollowvictory · 07/05/2019 21:10

I had c section. The term natural birth does not bother me. I don't really know what it means. Are hospitals and midwives 'natural'? I'm guessing those who give birth at home with no medical person and no pain relief could be described as natural?

FudgeBrownie2019 · 07/05/2019 21:13

Who has so many conversations about their vagina that this is an issue? A couple of people asked how the DC were born (mostly medical folk) the rest of humanity doesn't give a shit how I gave birth to them, and I don't imagine they ever will.

Natural isn't superior to any other form of birth. I learned that when I pushed out a 10lb child and was given no awards at all afterwards, no interviews by the BBC on my way home from hospital, not even a mention in the New Years Honours. Should have taken the epidural.

dreichuplands · 07/05/2019 21:19

I will take my unnatural birth experience over a natural death of my dc ( well one of them) any day.
I would probably internally roll my eyes if someone said this around me.
But I would also think that they still had a lot of parenting in front of them and a lot to learn.

lazylinguist · 07/05/2019 21:23

It really doesn't take a lot of effort to consider the words you use when discussing any sensitive topic.

I disagree. Because there is never consensus amongst the offended about which words are offensive and which are perfectly fine. There are often totally opposite opinions.

I'm not saying people shouldn't make an effort not to offend, but it's not always that obvious which word to choose.

onecatshortofcrazy · 07/05/2019 21:24

I don’t understand why people don’t understand what is meant by the term “natural” birth - surely it’s quite self explanatory?! Vaginal birth, little to no medical intervention. C sections / epidural, although amazing medical advances, are far from natural. There’s no prizes for being a hero during birth but come on, it’s easy to understand and very difficult to be insulted by!!

aliasname · 07/05/2019 21:24

pigsDOfly I think Dhalietta was referring to the post where you said you had virginal births instead of vaginal

LaurieMarlow · 07/05/2019 21:28

I think ‘vaginal’ is a more accurate and straightforward term to distinguish from a c section.

Natural is woolly. What qualifies as natural? No pain relief at all? Home births only?

I’m not sure it’s a helpful word.

maddieharrison · 07/05/2019 21:29

Every birth is different and every child is different. I had a natural birth and tbh I was relieved that I got through it more than anything. I felt more upset about not being able to breastfeed to be honest due to low supply and even now I feel really judged for getting my bottle out even from women who formula fed their own babies years ago!!

Macandcheese05 · 07/05/2019 21:30

i had emergency c section with DD2 and also couldnt care less what you call it. natural / unnatural / too posh to push / not a proper birth. heard it all and couldnt care less. my c section was 10 times harder than the vaginal birth i had with DD1. the labour was longer, the pain was worse, it resulted in surgery to get her out and then weeks recovering. i have a lot of respect for women who have c sections!

Lemonsquinky · 07/05/2019 21:33

I had one assisted birth, episiotomy with ds1. Ds2 just gas and air, I was ten cm dilated when I arrived at hospital. I had a tens machine. Neither felt natural. I felt like I was being ripped inside out.
I think it's just a way of making some women feel inadequate. It's the same if you have a dc with additional needs or no dc or divorced or not breast feeding or anything that society judges as 'not normal '. It makes me so angry. Why do people want to put someone else down to make themselves feel better?

TwiceAsNice22 · 07/05/2019 21:50

It doesn’t bother me. I do take exception to “too posh to push” though. Luckily, only one person has said that to me.... and a man at that!

I think it’s a shame too many women put so much pressure on themselves to have the “perfect” birth. But in my situation I was never going to have a “natural” birth (I had twins that shared a placenta and other high risks), so my priorities were on just having children born alive and healthy. I think it would be awful to feel let down or disappointed about the birth of your children. It is such an amazing moment becoming a mother and that’s what should be important, not how they were born.

AnotherEmma · 07/05/2019 22:13

God that's already two anecdotes about MEN who have said "too posh to push", absolute twats, I think any man who utters that nonsense should be forced to push a pea out of his penis and then have emergency surgery when it gets stuck.

eurochick · 07/05/2019 22:29

I am disappointed (and in the past was upset) that I never got to feel a single contraction and many other aspects of my daughter's delivery but I can't get worked up about people using the term "natural birth". However calling my Caesarian "elective" does piss me off. I wanted a home water birth but my baby was iugr and there was an issue with blood flow through the placenta. I had a section at 34 weeks with a full paediatric team in the room and my daughter was whisked off to nicu before I even got to hold her. "Elective" implies there was some level of choice involved. There really wasn't. I begged my consultant to induce but he didn't think the baby was strong enough to endure delivery and so refused.

londonrach · 07/05/2019 22:40

Judging by my friends the c section is the hardest way to give birth but so needed. I know half my mummy friends and now toddlers wouldnt be here without it. Who cares as long as baby and mum are ok. I had a vbirth with very limited drugs as dd came quick and believe me it felt very un natural! One moment just you dh and midwife next a baby was here!

riotlady · 07/05/2019 22:45

It’s nowhere near as annoying as “are you feeding her yourself?” as a euphemism for breastfeeding. No, I’m crossing my fingers the postman will do it!

OnlineAlienator · 07/05/2019 22:48

I had a csec and couldnt give a crap what its called. Baby was out and survived, thats all that matters to me - birth isnt a game of top trumps!?

Jemima232 · 07/05/2019 22:52

Anything other than a normal delivery is either instrumental or surgical.

If a caesarean is planned it is regarded as 'elective'.

Semantics, semantics.

ethelfleda · 07/05/2019 22:56

I like the terms ‘out the sunroof’ or ‘out the front door’ myself

shitholiday2018 · 07/05/2019 22:56

I had two ’natural’ Births. One was pulled out of my vagina with a sink plunger and the other one with tongs which hurt my baby’s head and left me with numerous third degree tears and permanent semi incontinence. It was horrific. We would have all died but for the tongs and the sunk plunger and a broken bloody arse. 11 doctors and nurses in surgery with me. Not very natural at all.

I wish to god I’d had a section. Anyone who judges how women give birth are total twats. I’d much rather have my continence and nice tight vagina back than what someone else thinks is more ‘natural’. Fuck that.

Pipandmum · 07/05/2019 22:57

My husband’s ex said, when she found out that I’d had a c-section, ‘oh so you didn’t have a “real” birth’. ‘Natural’ I get, but ‘real’? Felt pretty damn real to me!

Tumbleweed101 · 07/05/2019 22:59

I think perhaps ‘natural’ birth is less of a trigger to upset someone because birth with assistance is usually in place to save someone’s life.

The breast/bottle debate is more emotional because most of the time a mother has more choice in that decision.

DecomposingComposers · 07/05/2019 22:59

Semantics matter though.

My first baby I had an emergency c section at 35 weeks.

In my next pregnancy I was referred to a teaching hospital for my care. In the referral letter my consultant wrote that I'd had a "termination of pregnancy" at 35 weeks.

Which I suppose that it was but words matter.

AnotherEmma · 07/05/2019 23:02

Yes words do matter.

The medical language around miscarriage and stillbirth can be upsetting too.

Tumbletee · 07/05/2019 23:09

I've had 2 emergency c sections, and I don't find it offensive at all. Why would I? A natural birth is simply that... A birth as nature intended. A c section is a birth with huge medical intervention, necessary to safely deliver baby and keep mum and baby alive. Not natural as if I'd carried on my labour as nature intended I'd probably be dead. It's just the facts stated how they are. I don't understand how people can take offense to these sorts of things. I would have loved to have had a natural vaginal birth, but it wasn't meant to be. I wouldn't want anyone who has had a natural birth to feel they cannot celebrate that in fear of upsetting me. They should be able to be proud of it.

Valanice1989 · 08/05/2019 15:01

People just look for things to be offended by these days. It's like people who get hysterical about formula feeding being referred to as artificial feeding. That's what it is!

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