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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that the term 'natural birth' might cause upset to others?

304 replies

Mitzicoco · 07/05/2019 18:47

I had two water births. One fairly straightforward and the other not so (thank god I was in a hospital). When chatting to other mothers through NCT or baby groups I noticed that a lot of people referred to their births as natural. Nothing wrong with that, but I just wondered if I might feel upset by these comments if I had had a c-section, or some other delivery. Surely every birth is natural? What do you think?

OP posts:
Beldon · 07/05/2019 19:56

I don’t think there is anything wrong with the term. I think it’s wrong when I’ve heard people say they had a ‘normal’ birth as it implies c-sec or intervention is abnormal or wrong. People are very nosey about labour etc, I personally wouldn’t want to be going into much more detail that natural or c-sec when questioned.

Gigglinghysterically · 07/05/2019 19:58

I agree with Janice Battersby

"If people feel upset by someone using the term natural birth then they need to have a word with themselves and develop some resilience."

This.

People take offence at the drop of a hat anyway. On MN the world 'natural' seems to be jumped on and picked over when applied to lots of things. In other threads there has been mention of whether or not being gay is natural (yes it is) and whether or not IVF is natural (no it is not). There are far greater things to take offence at than the use (or even slight misuse) of the word 'natural'.

outvoid · 07/05/2019 20:00

Generally people use the term to feel superior. There is no superior birth, the only thing that actually matters is everyone surviving.

I have had pain relief free births and I’ve had a c-section. The c-section was the best.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 07/05/2019 20:01

There was a point where it would have bothered me I think although it might have been dependent on context. I really struggle with the fact that both mine have been emergency sections because I expected it to work and I loathe the fact that I essentially failed at something so "basic". I'm 5 foot 8 and they couldn't get a six pound baby (dc1) out of my pelvis and we tried pretty much everything bar hanging me from the ceiling (including forceps). I suspect the fact that I had to endure 70 odd hours of back to back labour mostly without any drugs at all before hand didn't actually help, neither did the fact that I pushed for 2 hours to no avail. Not to mention the hallucinations on the operating table, the NICU stay and the psychotic break.

Impatienceismyvirtue · 07/05/2019 20:02

I had a natural birth and a c-section. That’s what I refer to them as. I don’t particularly like saying “vaginal” to strangers (I’m aware that’s daft). I’ve never really thought about it 🤔

AnotherEmma · 07/05/2019 20:03

"We are continuing to adapt language use all the time. Racist language. Sexist language. Language around mental health. It really doesn't take a lot of effort to consider the words you use when discussing any sensitive topic."

YES. Well said!

I like that you picked up on the phrase "failure" too, there is "failure to progress" and lots of other medical terminology that can potentially contribute to making the woman feel that she has "failed".

AnotherEmma · 07/05/2019 20:04

Bloody hell dinosaur Flowers

FuzzyShadowChatter · 07/05/2019 20:04

I agree that for most, natural is just a shorthand for "vaginal with no big complications or interventions". I think any other catchall for that, or even just saying that, would also be used as a stick to beat women with by those who are of a mind to do so.

I mostly just say my births that fit that as 'all my births went fine, but most of their placentas were messed up and needed a bit of time and help' which is about as neutral as I can get, I can't think of anything that might upset, if it did I would just apologize rather than entirely alter how I discuss my own experiences of giving birth.

stucknoue · 07/05/2019 20:05

I think of natural birth as being free from medical interventions or pain relief. It's not superior if the alternative is dying/baby dying of course! I don't think I'm "better" because I had natural births, I just think I was lucky that nothing went wrong

CigarsofthePharoahs · 07/05/2019 20:06

It's often used in an insulating manor.
I've grown a thicker skin to it as I'm also part of the club where I wouldn't have my children without medical assistance.
One forceps and one C-section. Highly likely ds1 would have suffered from severe oxygen depravation had I continued to labour naturally and ds2 was so tangled up in his cord he'd never have made it out the normal exit and we'd both have died.
I also failed at bfing ds1. I felt bad for a while, but he's 8 now and a picture of health.

Original poster
Mitzicoco · 07/05/2019 20:32

RomanyQueen1
It's a natural birth though, what else would we call it.
Some opt for a c section it's up to them. Some have a medical c section.
The world is full of bloody snowflakes these days. Soon we will be sacred of speaking in case we offend someone YABVU

How so?

OP posts:
TrudesBlues · 07/05/2019 20:42

I had a CS. TBH I don't really care what people say, by 'natural' what they mean is vaginal birth though, as most of the time they have some form of pain relief, so it's not natural is it. It's vaginal.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 07/05/2019 20:45

as most of the time they have some form of pain relief, so it's not natural is it

One of my bitchier friends always asks if they had medication and then goes "oh you mean vaginal" then. Stitches don't count either apparently.

TrudesBlues · 07/05/2019 20:52

I would never ask. Why would you. I couldn't give a monkeys how anyone else give birth tbh. The term 'natural' does give me a little internal eye roll though.

meow1989 · 07/05/2019 20:52

I had an emcs because my body didnt want to work and I never dilated beyond 4cm. I assumed i would have a vaginal birth, maybe in water with no more than a puff of gas and air. As it turned out I was rubbish at labour and coping with the pain! Ds arrived safely and I couldn't care less how I delivered, in fact I would totally opt for an elective section if we decide to have another.

I had to stop breastfeeding due to recurrent mastitis and me just bleeding and cracking and I felt guilty about it for a long time, far beyond any thoughts about birth so I understand your logic.

Purpleartichoke · 07/05/2019 20:57

I had a completely unnatural birth because I had no choice but to have a c-section. Why would I be offended that some women got to experience a natural birth?

Surgery, pitocin, etc are not natural. That doesn’t mean that They aren’t miracles that can save the life of a mother and/or child. Heart surgery isn’t natural either, but sometimes it is medically necessary.

ASundayWellSpent · 07/05/2019 20:57

Naturally seems to imply "as nature intended", which could then infer that any other way is "not as nature intended" or "unnatural". Wouldn't bother me personally and agree its just a way of avoiding saying "vaginal".

Boom45 · 07/05/2019 21:00

I had two emcs, neither was what I would've wanted and both left me quite emtionally (and physically obv) scarred. The term "natural" in itself doesn't bother me, they way some people feel able and feel the need to bellittle my experience just because both my children and I would've died without medical intervention does bother me to be honest. "Naturally" loads of women died in childbirth before c-sections were widely used. That natural doesn't appeal much.
I would point out that calling people snowflakes amd claiming they need resliance or would struggle with motherhood because they have a problem with people belittling a very traumatic experince isn't very kind though.

RussellSprout · 07/05/2019 21:00

I had the least unnatural births ever, induction and emergency section for one and planned section the other. Didn't care a bit about not having a natural birth and I got to try diamorphine too!

If everyone worried about offending people anytime they wanted to say anything it would be a very quiet world.

WhiteDust · 07/05/2019 21:00

One of my DC took a week to arrive after my waters broke. I was on a drip, diamorphine, had epidural and a million midwives/doctors around me... My notes said 'Natural' birth.

It means F all.

Lazysundays18 · 07/05/2019 21:02

I had an emergency section & genuinely couldn't care if someone else had a natural birth. I've got nothing to prove & don't feel like it's a competition.

EKGEMS · 07/05/2019 21:06

I had an "artificial"birth via emergency c-section. I also was kept alive for four days via "artificial" means in the critical care ward at the hospital and my boy was "artificially" kept alive as well. Believe me it beats a natural death for either of us!

EvilDog · 07/05/2019 21:08

It’s neither here nor there. Someone could give birth vaginally and it not accurately be a ‘natural’ birth because the Labour was induced. But then again in the context of childbirth I don’t necessarily think the opposite would be ‘unnatural’

Crunchymum · 07/05/2019 21:09

If you can't bring yourself to say vaginal to someone, maybe you shouldn't be discussing your vagina!! If you talk about your delivery you are essentially saying:
C-section = baby didn't come out of my vagina
Natural = baby did come of of my vagina

hewontstopshitting · 07/05/2019 21:10

I’ve had 2 sections, one emergency and one elected due to the horrible birth I had with my first. I couldn’t being myself to get annoyed at the term ‘natural’ birth.