Toddler refuses to go to nursery

[Songsofexperience]

Posting here for traffic as I'm really unsure of what's best to do next.
My 2 year old DD started nursery a couple of months ago but she really hates it. There's nothing wrong with the nursery itself; her sister went there for years and was very happy. It's the same management etc. I thought she would need time to settle in but there's no sign of improvement. She also catches every bug going. I'm concerned about this because currently she is being looked after by her grand parents. I work full time and they badly need a break! The idea was for them to do it for a year and then we'd switch to nursery. There's also a language issue. My parents aren't native English speakers and I've always spoken my native language with my children (I see it as a huge benefit for later in life) so right now DD doesn't speak English. Nursery was always the place for my kids to learn English before starting school. I definitely don't want DD to reach Reception and not speak properly. The plan won't work if she completely refuses to go anywhere though! Anyone out there with reluctant toddlers who managed to turn this around?

If you're living in England and speak fluent English why on Earth would you deprive your kids of that? It is not nursery's responsibility to teach your child English, especially when you are able to do it yourself. No wonder the poor kid hates it, she can't communicate with anyone.

So your 2 yo doesn't want to go to the place where every one speaks a language she can't understand and where she can't make her own needs heard....

You need to teach your child English. That's giuyour job, sorry. It isn't for nursery to teahh your child a brand new language

Well u doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand why she doesn't want to go!

Eh? You speak both English and your native language but instead of teaching her both, you only speak in the one that she doesn't need?! How does she communicate at nursery? Maybe that's why she hates it.

Agree with the others I'm afraid, this is a problem of your own making - your DD is being sent to a place where she can't be understood. You should never have relied on someone else to teach your DD to speak English.

I see your point of course and if it doesn't work I'll do that. However it worked perfectly well for the other two. Children are very flexible at that age so I wouldn't expect that to be the main issue.

How often is she going, how many sessions a week? It must be quite stressful for her going from pretty much one to one care from her grandparents to a nursery where she doesn't speak the language. What have the nursery staff said ? I know a lot of dc seem upset and unsettled at drop off but calm down when their parents leave.

Why haven't you taught her English as well? Poor kid must be finding it very confusing.

If your sending her into an environment where everyone is speaking an alien language then of course she is going to struggle!

You need to help her be able to communicate in the language of the country she is going to be growing up in. It’s not nurseries job to do that!

It's really bad advice to suggest a parent speaks to their child in a second language - their language will develop better being spoken to in a mother tongue.

How about a smaller setting like a childminder rather than a nursery?

I would suggest a childminder if your child isn't getting on at nursery.

Presumably she knows enough English to communicate? Or does she really speak no English at all?

Above posters are being pretty harsh. It would help your dd to know some English before starting. Can you teach her a few words, or take her to a playgroup where she will hear English?

Toddlers often don't like nursery to begin with, regardless of whether they speak the language. Talk to nursery, they will be experienced with managing this.

My dd also hated nursery. My ds isn’t a great fan, either. I’m sorry to say that they didn’t have the option to “refuse” to go. Dropping them off is/was pretty unpleasant but they are/were fine once I’d left. They never totally loved it but they were well looked after and safe and, tbh, they just had to deal with it!

I think you just got lucky with your eldest and how she adjusted to the language change.

Your second clearly needs some sort of English vocabulary before nursery as she is struggling and can't make herself understood.

It's always a good idea to let the child speak the language they need for the country they live in. Especially a country where very few people speak a second language.

Is someone at nursery responsible for children with English as an Additional Language? Perhaps the SENCO (or nursery equivalent)? They should be working with you to provide strategies to help your child communicate (e.g. flashcards, images, now and next boards) to help her feel safe there. I hope she settles. It could, however, just be the wrong setting for her. My 2 have ended up in different nurseries as they simply had different needs.

I find it very bizarre that you have deliberately not taught her English. Of course it's great in later life if she can speak another language, but surely the language of the country where she lives is more important (or at least equally important).
Maybe you should teach her some phrases in English so she can get her message across. E.g. asking for a snack, drink, toilet as a minimum

Absolute nonsense about speaking to your child in English. Speak in your mother tongue - you’re right that it is a complete advantage. It takes bilingual a wee while to get there sometimes but there are so many benefits to learning more than one language early.
Regarding nursery you might just need to touch it out. Take away the option of your parents. How many sessions does she do? If she’s passed around a bit she won’t feel settled there yet.

Bilingual children*

Tough it out*

Christ MN why don’t you have an edit function yet?!

My friend is a childminder and she took on a 2 year old child who couldn't speak English. She used baby signing with the child and within a month, the child was speaking English enough to make their needs known. Totally fluent after a few months and that was only 2.5 days a week.
Perhaps search for a similar childminder?

It worked for your older two, but it's not working for your DD. OP can you teach her the basic phrases so she can at least make herself understood? From your OP it's clear that you speak fluent English yourself, so this will help and anyway, you now want her to learn English so I'd get the ball rolling on that if she's so miserable.

Also, I would look around for another nursery or a CM that might suit her better. If she's very miserable and keeps getting ill then I can see why she'd become so reluctant to go. I used different nurseries for my two - the same one simply didn't suit them both.

@KTD27 the kid isn't bilingual. They have no English at all. Just one language that isn't spoken (commonly) in this country.

KTD27
She's there part time (half day every day) so there should be a routine by now.
(To be fair I kind of expected some harsh responses regarding the language situation)
The staff is very helpful so her needs are clearly understood and met.

There is a child in nursery with my child who does not speak English and it’s pretty obvious he struggles because he does not understand what is being said / is going on.

To be fair it must be quite intimidating to a 2 year old going somewhere you are not understood. Although some children will cope easily with this as your others have done other just do not. You may find that it is the language barrier that is the problem and maybe speaking in English at hone will help and make it more familiar to them.