To find this mum's behaviour very strange

[Galaxy88]

Yesterday, myself, dh and 2dd were out walking in the woods when we heard a really loud cry, we ran over and a boy about the age of 8, had gone over his handle bars and landed face first on the concrete. He had made a good mess of his face and was naturally hysterical.

While DH attended to his wounds (he's first aid trained) I attempted to get some info from him as he was all alone in the woods. I asked for his name, which he gave. His address and if he had a mobile with him.

He didn't have a phone, didn't know the street name or number but knew he lived in the next village- which is a 15 minute bike ride away. Based on this, we had to call an ambulance. While waiting, we started to ask where his mum was, is she close by? He replied no, and that his mum was at work all day and had left him aged 8 and his older sister aged 9 alone in the house and he'd gone out.

Eventually, a woman walked by who recognised the boy (her dd attend the same school) and was able to call the mother's place of work and let her know.

While on the phone, the mother became highly irritated and started shouting when we said we'd called an ambulance. Saying we were wrong to do that and we should cancel asap as it was a huge over reaction. I explained it wasn't, he'd banged his head, was confused and didn't know where he lived or any contact info, let alone the mess to his head, nose and teeth.

(If the mother had been around, or if the child had a phone we probably wouldn't have called one, we couldn't leave him there screaming with blood pouring and a bump to the head)

While waiting, we cold compressed his head and applied pressure. A friend of the mother turned up first picked up the bike put it her car, grabbed the boy and made a comment about him not needing an ambulance. Moments later the mum shows up, but didn't get out of the car, the boy was placed in her car by the friend and they both drove off.

I'm sat here afterwards really confused, we weren't asking for gratitude, it wasn't necessary. But she didn't even come and ask what had happened, his injuries, what we'd done so far, based on his injuries I imagine she'd require a trip to a&e and would probably need all this info to pass over.

Am I being U to think this is just poor parenting? Not only to leave two young children, but to scold the people trying to help your ds.. dh thinks we should pass on her details to SS, as the woman from before mentioned where they lived in passing after she had gone, shall we just let this go?

corythatwas, I'm a gibbering wreck when the slightest thing affects my children... and then I grab hold of myself and become coherent and sensible - and able to act. If I knew OP/husband and had their address/contact details I'd send a 'thank you'. If I didn't then I'd not be able to.

I'm putting myself in the position of how this mum might possibly feel as that's the only role that's being questioned here. OP wants validation that this is 'poor parenting'. That she was 'scolded' when all that OP has said is that the mum didn't want an ambulance.

How can anybody comment on that? Even OP doesn't have a full account of the situation. My default isn't to blame a mother, as unmumsnetty as that is.

Is this neglect? If OP thinks that it is then it's a no-brainer, isn't it.

Apologies for my rash response. It’s absolutely right that the first instinct is to take care of the child but I don’t understand how this public post highlighting Mum’s failures as a parent contribute to the little boy’s wellbeing.

I would imagine mum didn’t want to get out of the car to talk because she was terrified about having her child taken away. A visit to hospital would’ve triggered immediate SS emergency involvement and had she been pushed to disclose information, she knows she may be incriminating herself.

I would never leave my child. But I’m incredibly lucky that I’ve never been in a position where I have to choose between that and putting food on the table so apologies again, but the post seemed to be insidiously poking further criticism at a parent that is no doubt already struggling.

Well done though OP. He’s lucky you were there.

You absolutely did the right thing.
Imo it's actually a pity the ambulance didn't get to him first. This way it would all be recorded and SS would be notified.
Who's to know the mother didn't drop him off at home then leave him to go back to work? We don't know if she's a struggling mum trying her best who has made an error of judgement or if she is a mother who just doesn't know how to look after her son properly. She hasn't even asked pp about how he was when she found him, concussion etc. Truely shocking behavior
I understand mum's struggle but really this isn't on.
It needs reporting.

What has anyone got to lose by reporting this? If u dont and somethings amiss then youd never forgive yrself. If all is ok then the mum has nothing to worry about. Sounds like she felt guilty. Maybe the boy was told not to go out so at least the 2 dc had eachother to look out for. Maybe she thought she was in easy distance if help needed? Not ideal and I wouldnt have done it. Maybe she was only working a couple if hours? Trouble is she didnt talk to you so you dont know. I can see yr dilemma. Just go whichever you feel more comfortable with. I reported someone and they realised and never did it again. At the least the actual experience might make the mum think twice.

lillith we tried to get him up, he said his leg was hurting. I wasn't going to push him to stand. The woman that called the mother wasn't there, she arrived after we had cleaned and attended his wounds and said on the phone next to us your son has hurt himself, can you come? He's made a mess of his head and is bleeding and crying she then hung up and said she works nearby and is on her way. This was after we'd called an ambulance and after we'd tried to get him up, get info from.him. at the end of the day we didn't know what injuries he'd got and he was upset.

It's possible the boy knew exactly where he lived and didn't say because he thought he'd be in trouble for going out when he'd been told to stay home. So may not be concussion.

I think you should report to someone though. School maybe? An 8 yr old with a 9 yr old sister and a mum who works in local shop? And 8 yr old will likely turn up with grazed face on Tuesday? They'll know who it is at least. Maybe a quick chat to school safeguarding lead. Could add another piece to a picture. Just a shame it isn't a school day so you could get them to check he was taken to A&E for a check up in a reasonable time frame.

I think so too, third the boy was more than likely told not to leave the house. But who knows.

i dont think op needs to do any more now, apart from tell SS. and she can tell SS the school and the shop details.

I also meant to say that OP's husband called an ambulance and then cancelled it. He's trained in first aid and obviously proficient in being able to deliver that. If he assessed that it was serious then he wouldn't have cancelled it, surely?

That's not any indictment on OP's husband, he did first aid for the child. The ambulance would have been more pressing than anything else.

I actually can't believe the grief I'm getting for caring about a young child?
If your thread had been titled- did I do the right thing? What shall I do next? Then I don't think you'd have received some of those responses.

As a PP said your title is more an invite for people to judge the mother which isn't particularly useful after the fact.

Any child who has had an impact like that needs hospital attention for possible brain injury that may not show up staraightaway.

Just hope the mother took him there but somehow doubt she did!

Poor poor child:(

We only cancelled the ambulance after the mother had drove away. As the ambulance would have arrived and the boy gone. Also someone mentioned above about the details, I don't know the shop the mother works at, the woman didn't mention this. I just know the boys first name and primary.

Judging on responses, I more than likely won't report, but I know we did the right thing and I'm glad my husband was able to help.

I didn't say OP was overly involved. I said the mum might have thought the woman who called her was the one who found her son, looked after him, etc hence the mum didn't speak to OP because she was just an overly involved stranger.

I think jumping to call an ambulance was an odd choice since it wasn't an injury that needed an emergency response.

A confused patient bleeding from a head wound, unable to get up, showing signs of concussion- why does this not require an emergency response? What am I missing here?

sargass I'm not judging the mother for going to work, I don't know the story, just what was said by an upset 8 year old.

What I do know is the mum didn't get out of the car or attempt to ask us any more information that maybe handy to a&e doctors, I'm judging her on this.

Ignore @Drogosnextwife OP, they're asking all the wrong questions there. The OP was doing a kind thing you don't need to interrogate and look for holes in the story! Gosh some people

I think jumping to call an ambulance was an odd choice since it wasn't an injury that needed an emergency response. I'd have found out about his mum's work first or walked him back towards home.

Then you would have been acting very dangerously, given that this child had a head injury, and he had no contact details for his mother and couldn't give his address.

Op you were 100% correct to call the ambulance, her reaction was due to the fact the ambulance would raise some awkward questions about why the kids were on their own and she was trying to avoid that.

Judging on responses, I more than likely won't report

The majority of responses on here are saying you should report? There does seem to be a legitimate concern that the mother may not take her child to be checked over medically.

Most people are telling you to report this.

perhaps the mum was driving him straight to A & E, perhaps she was in shock.

Perhaps she was driving there and I hope so

A visit to hospital would’ve triggered immediate SS emergency involvement and had she been pushed to disclose information, she knows she may be incriminating herself

And what kind of a parent would you be to risk your child's life so as not to get into trouble?

Before you tell me to walk in her shoes- I have been that parent under investigation by SS. I have had actual doctors suspecting me of causing dd's disability for attention. It nearly broke me. But what it did not do was stop me from getting help for dc when they needed it.

cory I’m not justifying her behaviour. I’m questioning the thread itself.