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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not allow younger sibling to birthday party with 45 mins notice?

331 replies

Riverside85 · 05/05/2019 08:35

DD’s birthday party yesterday- it was a church hall with entertainer (rather than a soft play where you pay per head), however I did take numbers into account when making food (individual food bags per child), party bags and the entertainer wanted numbers to pre-make balloon animals per child.

They’re Reception (turning 5). Whole class was invited. I saw one Mum at another party last week and as well as the 5yo she had her toddler with her. While chatting I said “Oh, would you like to bring X to DD’s party next week too?” She said “Ooh really? I didn’t like to assume but that would be lovely!” so I added the little one to the list.

Yesterday, the day of the party I get a text from another Mum 45 mins before the party start time- I was already at the hall setting up.

Text said “Hi sorry for the short notice but can my little boy X come along to the party, he won’t eat anything, he just really wants to come”. WIBU to reply “I’m really sorry but I haven’t made provision for him in the numbers and I’m already at the venue now”. She then replied “Aww no problem I’ll see if his Dad can take him out somewhere instead” so not like it was a childcare emergency and she had the two on her own.

Background: this same family brought both kids to DD’s soft play party last year without asking; the Dad brought them both in- I watched them at the door giving both names to the staff and the younger brother sat down at the table and had a meal. I didn’t say anything at the time as it was the middle of the party and I never said anything after. I have also seen the younger brother at quite a lot of other parties so think she must do this a bit.

My mum thinks I WBU and should’ve just said yes, tbh we did have spare food and a couple of extra party bags.

So WIBU?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 05/05/2019 17:05

It’s really rude not to invite siblings

Till what age???

Do you invite 10 year-olds to a 13 year-old's sleepover?
The 8 year-old to the 16 year-olds cinema party?

Do you take your siblings out with you?

What nonsense!!

Trebla · 05/05/2019 17:06

Seriously parties are about fun, not gifts or pinterest worthy games. Small kids running around, having fun.

FrancisCrawford · 05/05/2019 17:15

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FrancisCrawford · 05/05/2019 17:16

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bordellosboheme · 05/05/2019 17:33

"It would be pretty crap for a 9 year olds football party to have “small kids running about” and ruining things for the invited guests."

God I hate this kind of extreme social engineering. Live and let live.

Abbazed · 05/05/2019 17:41

Yabu. You could have squeezed him in.

Pardonwhat · 05/05/2019 17:59

FrancisCrawford

But why? Are your kids really that obsessed with guest lists? I bet you anything they’re not. It’s a kids party in a church hall. I don’t see how that’s exclusive.

Cottonwoolmouth · 05/05/2019 18:01

It would be pretty crap for a 9 year olds football party to have “small kids running about” and ruining things for the invited guests

Cos nine year old boys are Uber cool and are so concerned with who is who at their church hall parties Grin

rookiemere · 05/05/2019 18:09

I think you were right to say No OP. As you say if she'd asked a few days ago or had a genuine emergency then totally different scenario, but the way it was then no childcare emergency on her behalf. Fair enough in this case might not have made a huge difference, but the more younger siblings are there the more the party becomes focused on their needs rather than the birthday DC, plus does the older sibling never get to go anywhere without his DB.

I must admit I'm stunned at the posters who end up paying for uninvited siblings at soft play parties, or give them party bags. There's no way i'd let that happen.

FrancisCrawford · 05/05/2019 18:16

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TheCrowFromBelow · 05/05/2019 18:19

Fine to say no.
I had so many uninvited siblings at DS2 4th birthday to the extent that he didn’t have a seat at the party table, and Dad of one uninvited sibling gave me side eye when I asked him to move because he didn’t even realise it was DS2’s party.
DS2 wanted his friends there not a load of toddlers he didn’t know.

Cottonwoolmouth · 05/05/2019 18:20

Why should a party be ruined because uninvited children are too young for the planned activity?

One toddler tagging along. Seriously? Wow if you and your kinds are that uptight I feel sorry for you all...

Cottonwoolmouth · 05/05/2019 18:22

The op didn’t allow the toddler to come to the church hall to prove a point to the mother - nothing else.

Starlight456 · 05/05/2019 18:27

I have done church hall parties . My Ds gets to choose the number of people I am comfortable having not how many I want plus siblings

TheCrowFromBelow · 05/05/2019 18:28

It’s not being uptight Cottonmouth
Parties aren’t free for alls. And yes 4 yo and 9 yo don’t want younger kids there, or kids they don’t know.
We had a bouncy castle and it totally changed the whole thing having tiny kids who weren’t being watched by their parents, it was really stressful.

TessaL23 · 05/05/2019 18:35

The more the merrier!! I probably would have invited him in the first place.

FrancisCrawford · 05/05/2019 18:37

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Cottonwoolmouth · 05/05/2019 18:40

🙄🙄🙄

Cottonwoolmouth · 05/05/2019 18:42

What if all 28 kids on the list brought along an older or younger sibling

It wasn’t though was it? It was one toddler who would have probably been sat on mums knee.

Any how a good party thread always gets a good turn out for the frothers...

Shootingstar1115 · 05/05/2019 18:42

If the sibling is quite young the sibling is probably upset they can’t come come but that is absolutely not your problem. It’s extremely rude to bring another child along at short or no notices without asking quite well in advance.

Some families have no choice but to bring siblings (single parents, if other parent is working etc) but they should always ask in advance imo.

I think parties have changed. I think even when I was 4/5 parents would drop their kids off at the party then leave and then come back for them but parents seem to stay all the time (as I do as you can’t be too cautious these days) but now parties seem to be a social event for the parents who are friendly as well as the kids 🤣

FrancisCrawford · 05/05/2019 18:43

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FrancisCrawford · 05/05/2019 18:45

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ScrewyMcScrewup · 05/05/2019 18:47

Any how a good party thread always gets a good turn out for the frothers...
The biggest frother is you.

Cottonwoolmouth · 05/05/2019 18:51
Grin
Cottonwoolmouth · 05/05/2019 18:53

Fuck sake Francis your likening your daughters wedding guest list to a nine year olds church hall party! 😂😂😂 brilliant!

I’m out 😂😂