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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To complain about this swimming teacher?

110 replies

Stillpinching · 04/05/2019 23:16

DS is 9 and still at stage 3 which I know isn't great. I'm a single parent and can't swim, which obviously limits the amount of practice he can get in between lessons. I have repeatedly asked ex to take the DC swimming when he has them but he is a lazy areshole who prefers to let them sit on screens the whole time he has them as it's easier and cheaper.

DS had lessons booked in ex's contact time for a while, though I paid for it, as the pool is minutes from his house and he doesn't work, making it easier for him to take him after school, but he repeatedly 'forgot' so I take him again now.

This week they were doing the thing where they push off from the side then do a roll. Ds's attempts weren't great TBF but she was so harsh on him. He wasn't messing around but she told him he wasn't trying (I'm a sec school English teacher and have yet to master the art of knowing beyond doubt whether or not students are trying when not misbehaving) and told him he must practise more, helpfully suggesting he come after school and/or weekends. DS wasn't motivated by her tirade and I felt like an even shitter parent than I normally do. Only four kids were there and the other kids all did the manoeuvre. It was so awkward - parents were giving me sympathetic looks etc.

Aibu to complain? A 9 year old has no control over how often he is taken to practice and, given my circumstances I have limited control also. I don't pay good money for sale and I to be made to feel like shit...

OP posts:
Daffodil2018 · 04/05/2019 23:18

I’d probably take her to one side and have a word with her rather than make a complaint.

peachgreen · 04/05/2019 23:19

I think if he's falling behind the others in his class (and therefore holding them up) she's not unreasonable to ask him to practice more but it's a tricky situation for you OP and you're doing your best.

Nicknacky · 04/05/2019 23:22

You want to complain because she has suggested he needs practice?

Still18atheart · 04/05/2019 23:24

Tricky one I’ve swam all me life. To a fairly competent level. Have never been able to master turning rolls. I’m worried I can’t judge the distance needed and will seriously bash my head. Personally I’d ignore but say something if a similar incident arises. Especially one which is to do with actually swimming technique instead of skill which isn’t really required to be able to swim.

Original poster
Stillpinching · 04/05/2019 23:24

I can't take her aside as there is no access to the poolside and we watch from a higher level. Also, ds is not holding anyone else up- they move kids up individually when they're ready and others take their place. But thanks for the replies!

OP posts:
Bunnybigears · 04/05/2019 23:24

At stage 3 most of the things they are asked to do should be straight forward for a 9 year old even if they haven't done them before. Does he have any issues with co-ordination etc?

Pipandmum · 04/05/2019 23:24

Saying your child wasn’t trying was out of line. However why do you feel so bad? You didn’t do anything. Your ex sounds useless so it’s up to you to either talk to the instructor or find someone else. But don’t feel bad about it!

Original poster
Stillpinching · 04/05/2019 23:26

Whether it's straightforward for most 9 year olds is irrelevant. My point is she shouldn't have bawled him out.

OP posts:
TildaTurnip · 04/05/2019 23:29

I agree she shouldn’t have said he wasn’t trying. No one does better by being made to feel crap.

janetforpresident · 04/05/2019 23:30

I would complain but my preference would be to complain directly to her. Could you ring and ask to speak to her or leave her a message? I agree telling him to practice is innapropriate in something like swimming were he needs to be brought by a parent.

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 04/05/2019 23:31

Maybe her tone could've been didn't but it does sound as though he needs practice. Even though you can't swim could you take him to the pool? You could go in the shallow end or support him on the edge of the pool. Yes his father could take him but he sounds like a feckless deadbeat and you can't change that.

Bunnybigears · 04/05/2019 23:31

Did she bawl him out? or just tell him he wasnt trying? as per your OP. If she shouted at him or laid into him that's not on if she said "come on you aren't trying, you need to practice more" then that seems fairly reasonable to me.

Original poster
Stillpinching · 04/05/2019 23:34

Her tone was horrible. I don't think 'tirade' as used in my op was an exaggeration. He needs practice but I struggle to fit everything in as it is. I'm not complaining about his (lack of) progress so not sure why it's such a problem for her.

OP posts:
buzz91 · 04/05/2019 23:51

Can I ask what you mean by roll - a somersault or rolling body sideways from back to front/front to back?

Used to be a swimming teacher and others have assumed it means somersault but that is definitely not something for your sons ability level so wanted to check.

I would make a politely worded complaint tbh, saying you understand it can be stressful for her when he doesn’t get it but the way she spoke to him wasn’t appropriate given his behaviour wasn’t bad. I agree though that he needs to practice more. Could you afford one course of one to one lessons? Or does your pool run crash course lessons in half terms or the summer holidays? I found some children would improve drastically when they did these

arethereanyleftatall · 04/05/2019 23:52

At all the pools I know, 8 yr olds + can go in to a public session on their own. So, you wouldn't need to go in with him. I would tell him not to go out of his depth though.

janetforpresident · 04/05/2019 23:54

Where

janetforpresident · 04/05/2019 23:56

At all the pools I know, 8 yr olds + can go in to a public session on their own
Yes agree with this. Even though he isn't competent he is old enough to know to stay shallow and you could spectate from the sight. Why not commit to taking him one evening a week?

NK493efc93X1277dd3d6d4 · 05/05/2019 00:55

I think you're going to have to re-arrange things so that you can take him once a week for extra practice.
Chances are you took it to heart as you know he isn't going often enough.
It will probably make a huge difference to his confidence & his ability and hopefully be a short term thing.
I've been in your position and unfair as it is - his father is unlikely to be of any assistance in things that need doing rather than him wanting to do them.
Good Luck

Ihatehashtags · 05/05/2019 01:03

I think the worst thing a teacher can say to a child is “you aren’t trying “. All they hear is, you are useless. What if he is trying his best and just isn’t very good. And he’s certainly not going to feel comfortable with her as his teacher now is he.

TabbyMumz · 05/05/2019 07:34

Sounds like you feel guilty you aren't taking him to practice, so dwelling on one thing she said to him. Swimming is something they need to practice, so you either take him and stand in shallow end with him, or accept he isn't going to keep up with the others.

MsSquiz · 05/05/2019 07:39

You don't need to be able to swim to get in the water with your child to watch them practise. You could walk to a depth you are comfortable at and encourage him.

EleanorReally · 05/05/2019 07:40

Why cant you take him swimming?
in a shallow pool?
with a woggle so you wont sink?

Snappedandfarted2019 · 05/05/2019 07:43

I’m a swimming teacher, my advice if you’re unhappy with the teacher or the swim school leave or ask for another teacher. I do think you need to change the time if you’re ex isn’t prepared to take him as you’re ds is utilmately missing out on new things they are learning and is utilmately going to struggle especially if it’s once a week and he’s missing several. Having a good teacher and how they respond to them is key. Lessons should be fun.

Teateaandmoretea · 05/05/2019 07:55

I really wouldn't put a 9yo who can't swim into a swimming pool on his own Shock. I can imagine the responses you'd get if you did an AIBU on that one......! If I were you tbh I'd book him an intensive course each holiday until he is competent enough to go in on his own (stage 5 for me as minimum).

I think complaining is OTT personally and it would be better to just have a bit of a chat with her. On the positive side he should be able to follow instructions and learn pretty fast at 9 but from what I've observed in the years of lessons I've been to is that the older they are the quicker they move them up, so they are frequently the least competent in the lesson if they are the oldest, possibly this is what you are seeing here that the littlies have quite natural water skills even if they cant do actual strokes. But I'm only speaking for locally to me.

Innernutshell · 05/05/2019 07:56

Perhaps he doesn't want to learn to swim.

People that can't swim are usually less likely to drown as they don't put themselves in risky situations water wise.