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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To complain about this swimming teacher?

110 replies

Stillpinching · 04/05/2019 23:16

DS is 9 and still at stage 3 which I know isn't great. I'm a single parent and can't swim, which obviously limits the amount of practice he can get in between lessons. I have repeatedly asked ex to take the DC swimming when he has them but he is a lazy areshole who prefers to let them sit on screens the whole time he has them as it's easier and cheaper.

DS had lessons booked in ex's contact time for a while, though I paid for it, as the pool is minutes from his house and he doesn't work, making it easier for him to take him after school, but he repeatedly 'forgot' so I take him again now.

This week they were doing the thing where they push off from the side then do a roll. Ds's attempts weren't great TBF but she was so harsh on him. He wasn't messing around but she told him he wasn't trying (I'm a sec school English teacher and have yet to master the art of knowing beyond doubt whether or not students are trying when not misbehaving) and told him he must practise more, helpfully suggesting he come after school and/or weekends. DS wasn't motivated by her tirade and I felt like an even shitter parent than I normally do. Only four kids were there and the other kids all did the manoeuvre. It was so awkward - parents were giving me sympathetic looks etc.

Aibu to complain? A 9 year old has no control over how often he is taken to practice and, given my circumstances I have limited control also. I don't pay good money for sale and I to be made to feel like shit...

OP posts:
recall · 05/05/2019 08:31

Your poor boy ! What is wrong with "good effort....now shall we just try that again ...but this time try ... "

Crap teaching !!

If she felt he needed more practice she should have approached you and discussed it ...not humiliate him Angry

HexagonalBattenburg · 05/05/2019 08:32

I moved mine from one set of swimming lessons because they just yelled in frustration at DD2 for not getting it and that she wasn't trying. Turns out she's dyspraxic! She's made much better progress in a different swimming lesson setup - still in beginners class after a good year and a half - despite us taking her regularly ourselves - but she's progressing, it's just always going to be slower going where she's concerned because of coordination and poor muscle tone (she's like 99% there in terms of moving on to the next stage).

PepsiLola · 05/05/2019 08:32

My DS is on stage 3, there is no way I'd allow him to swim without me! He still has arm bands!!! (To the poster saying level 3 is competent)

youarenotkiddingme · 05/05/2019 08:32

You don't need a pool to practice the roll. Just let him lay on floor in streamline and practice turning over! He may have poor core which would also explain why the co ordination is harder for him to grasp and master.

My ds is a swimmer. In the 6 squads there is children all ages. The first squad (post swim school) is mostly 7-10 yo. Squad 2 they are 8-12, 3: 8-12, 4: 9-14, 5: 10-14 and top squad they are 12-adult.
These are a rough guess but as you can see some 9 year olds are swimming twice a week for an hour doing basic technique and some are training and competing. Most started swim school at 5 at the same time. Children develop at different rates.

My ds has asd and a neuromuscular disorder. He started lessons at 4. Was ok and showed some potential but also couldn't (and still can't!) do breaststroke. Neither could he hold a float and kick. His kick is so weak still due to reduced muscle power. His backstroke isn't great due to weak core. He switched to the club at 11 and was one of the oldest in squad 4. He also progressed up slower than others.
He's now squad 2 (one of the oldest) but can beat most of the top squad over 50m free and fly and 100m free having made sooooo much progress in a year. He's also swam for the club in the county competition as part of the relay team.
He still can't do the roll properly 🙈😂

So my point is that in the right environment and working on the strokes with positive reinforcement and fostering their strengths even the poorest swimmer can do well. But if they struggle and continue to do so they won't be the only ones who do.

What matters is the teaching environment. Unless (like teachers!) swimming teachers are on pay performance then what matters to her should be getting him to learn it - not the speed at which he does!

I'd write a letter and ask your ds to pass it to her as a starting point. Not a long winded explanation about how you can't take him outside if the lessons - but rather a gentle reminder he is trying and all kids learn at different speeds and she shouldn't be holding a 9yo accountable for adult decisions and availability to take him outside of lessons. After all - that's what you pay her for

Missbuxton · 05/05/2019 08:33

Has she humiliated him? To me it sounds like she wants the best for him.

Dieu · 05/05/2019 08:33

You know OP, my eldest is now 18, and when she was 4 I took her to swimming lessons. She was a really well-behaved kid but not confident. I'll never forget the way her teacher rudely dismissed her at the end of one lesson (she was pissed off that my daughter didn't 'get' a certain manoeuvre), and M's wee face as she walked off. 14 years later and your post has brought it back! I wish I'd said something to the teacher, and so should you. She has no idea about what's going on in your son's life, and how tricky it is to get him there. YANBU Thanks

ittakes2 · 05/05/2019 08:36

I would change classes if I was you. He needs someone who encourages him or he feels encourages him.
My daughter is an excellent dancer with superb control over her body...but after £1k of private lessons she still can't swim very well. Swimming instructor said some children's bodies are built in a way it makes it harder for them - he said his own youngest child was the same and he being a swimming coach obviously could teach him!
Agree with another poster though - you don't need to be able to swim to take him to the water. Unless you are incredibly short, you will find most pools have a suitable level for you to stand in.
Maybe you could ask him to teach you - they say it inspires people to learn by them teaching others what they know as he would have to think through the steps.
But well done you persisting with his swimming - I think its crucial everyone knows how to swim and you have reminded me I must reignite swimming lessons for my children!

Snappedandfarted2019 · 05/05/2019 08:36

PepsiLola Stage 3 varies depending on the schools programme and not necessarily follow the Swim England guidelines. For example my school our stage 3 is turning to the side to breath, backstroke arms, dolphin kick, breastroke legs and push and glides front to back whoever said that stage 3 was compent might have a different staging programme.

Teateaandmoretea · 05/05/2019 08:39

Or they may have a different definition of what being able to swim is. The number of parents I know who think their children are competent swimmers because they got to half way through stage 5 amazes me. I won't take them swimming with my dc is all I will say......

Original poster
Stillpinching · 05/05/2019 08:39

And yes I do blame ex. I have to provide everything financially, he never supervises homework or buys them anything. I just feel this was one thing he could have had responsibility for at minimal cost, but he cba.

Weekends are hard - we only have alternate ones and I have work to catch up on, the house to sort and obviously want some enjoyment with the DC too, not wrangling him to swimming and then probably stand there feeling inadequate because I don't really know how to help him.

I did focus on my feelings because it made me feel shit but ds was also upset and says he doesn't want to go back. I didn't tell him how I felt and said we do need to get you to practise more, which set him off moaning...

But I want to persevere because I have always regretted not being able to swim especially since having DC, before then it wasn't much of an issue. They also swim with school and I never wanted them to be the only ones with no ability because that happened to me and did more harm than good. Weirdly, whenever their turn at swimming with school comes around my dc are in top or middle groups and there are a fair few non-swimmmers, while at weekend lessons they are always the oldest in their group by quite a margin.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 05/05/2019 08:39

I would not be happy with someone speaking to my child like that at all. And I would absolutely be having a word, both with them and their boss.

Missbuxton · 05/05/2019 08:43

@Barbarian

Why is such a drastic response required?

Snappedandfarted2019 · 05/05/2019 08:43

Have a look at some weeknight lessons that might be a better fit

lulabaloo · 05/05/2019 08:44

Yes if you was going to complain i would say it directly to her. A swimming teacher in our local baths had a complaint made against her and she was suspended for a few months. The complaint was similar as she told a boy off, but this instructor is popular as she is strict and takes no messing. Now she has resigned after it was all sorted and said it wasnt worth the hassle.

slkk · 05/05/2019 08:45

Tbh my husband couldn’t swim when the kids were little but spent ages with them in the baby pool and built his confidence enough to take lessons himself. He then practised his early strokes with them in the baby pool. I also remember my grandparents taking us and they couldn’t swim. So don’t feel you can’t take them. If you want to, go for it!

lulabaloo · 05/05/2019 08:47

Also could you not go in the pool with him, i no you say you can't swim but you could just stand in the water and lean against the side, i mainly do this when i take my 3 children. As there off doing there own thing and I'm just watching.

BarbarianMum · 05/05/2019 08:48

@MissBuxton because he was paying attention and trying his best and she basically tore a strip off him for not being able to do it, leaving him feeling like shit and not wanting to go back. That's the antithesis of good teaching.

EleanorReally · 05/05/2019 08:49

Turn this around op. You learn to swim too,

jasmine1971 · 05/05/2019 08:50

I sympathise OP. I'd just say though that, having taught swimming myself, it's bloomin' loud poolside and I've often had to say to students 'I'm not shouting at you, I'm just trying to be loud enough for you to hear'.

hullaballoonie · 05/05/2019 08:51

I'd just find him a different teacher. And have done so myself in the past. MN general consensus seems to be that you're a precious parent and being over sensitive if you don't agree with a teacher's methods. I once posted a thread about DS's shouty class teacher and was told I was unreasonable to complain. Bollocks to that, I absolutely do not agree that shouting at and criticising children gets the best from them. You know your child best, if he's not doing well then find someone else he can get along with. You are paying for these lessons after all.

TheInvestigator · 05/05/2019 08:54

I'm on Scotland and our kids (at least at my leisure centre) are out of armbands by level 1. They don't wear armbands during their lesson.

By level 3, they're doing the diving for the brick thing and swimming with their legs locked together (so only allowed to use arms) and doing more advanced practice. So at level 3, they are competent. I wouldnt send them into the pool alone but I would be comfortable standing in the shallow end or sitting at the side.

kateandme · 05/05/2019 08:54

do you have a relative or friend who could help?
i there a way to go to the pool with him to practice.i know your busy but even if its for 15 minds you could say right we shall do this for 15 minutes this week.just to give him confidence and a bit over practice where he can make mistakes more freely too.
could you give the swimming baths themslves a call discuss options.and be honest about your situation.they might have lots more people in your situation that u think so will have ways to help.

TheInvestigator · 05/05/2019 08:56

There really is nothing stopping you from taking him. Both of you stay in the shallow end. He can practice what he has learned in class, and you can walk beside/near him. If he goes under, you just pull him up. You won't need to do any swimming.

NeedAUsernameGenerator · 05/05/2019 08:57

Yes I think you should complain and ask to be moved to different teacher. It's not his fault if you are unable to take him between lessons and she was unprofessional to rant at him for that. He may have a mild coordination problem if he's progressing slowly but the teachers should have awareness of special needs. I've complained about a swimming teacher before who was overly harsh to my 4 year old and the manager was helpful and apologetic.

MrsKrabbapple · 05/05/2019 08:58

I think you are blowing this up on your own mind as you feel bad. Which you shouldn’t. You are doing your best.

There must be a way to get to speak to the teacher, so I’d prioritise that.

Is there anywhere that does an ‘intensive course’ of lessons? My dc have done that in the holiday. You go every day for a week and it gives them a bit of a boost and it’s not too unpleasant an activity in the warmer months.