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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To complain about this swimming teacher?

110 replies

Stillpinching · 04/05/2019 23:16

DS is 9 and still at stage 3 which I know isn't great. I'm a single parent and can't swim, which obviously limits the amount of practice he can get in between lessons. I have repeatedly asked ex to take the DC swimming when he has them but he is a lazy areshole who prefers to let them sit on screens the whole time he has them as it's easier and cheaper.

DS had lessons booked in ex's contact time for a while, though I paid for it, as the pool is minutes from his house and he doesn't work, making it easier for him to take him after school, but he repeatedly 'forgot' so I take him again now.

This week they were doing the thing where they push off from the side then do a roll. Ds's attempts weren't great TBF but she was so harsh on him. He wasn't messing around but she told him he wasn't trying (I'm a sec school English teacher and have yet to master the art of knowing beyond doubt whether or not students are trying when not misbehaving) and told him he must practise more, helpfully suggesting he come after school and/or weekends. DS wasn't motivated by her tirade and I felt like an even shitter parent than I normally do. Only four kids were there and the other kids all did the manoeuvre. It was so awkward - parents were giving me sympathetic looks etc.

Aibu to complain? A 9 year old has no control over how often he is taken to practice and, given my circumstances I have limited control also. I don't pay good money for sale and I to be made to feel like shit...

OP posts:

BIWI · 05/05/2019 07:56

Sounds like you need another teacher!

But as an aside, why don't you learn to swim too? Then it's something you can do together.

HennyPennyHorror · 05/05/2019 07:57

My oldest DD never did well. Tbh she HATED lessons. She made no progression at all and could barely swim by the age of ten. She could manage a few strokes at best before panicking and flailing about.

So I withdrew her.

It was making her very unhappy and I got sick of watching her struggle and feel useless.

She's 14 now...we live in Australia where EVERYONE can swim...she's fine. Doesn't affect her friendships either as none of her mates are sporty....they're like her and enjoy watching movies, shopping and reading and music.

She doesn't go into the sea...she hates it. Obviously it would be better if she could swim...but she can't. And if she wants to learn again I will pay for private....I've told her this.

Sometimes OP we can't make them learn to swim.

I would complain if I were you...to answer your question.

EleanorReally · 05/05/2019 07:58

Although I must say plenty of families dont have time to take their children swimming.
so the practice thing could be an issue for many children.
i think she was wrong.

Teateaandmoretea · 05/05/2019 07:59

Hi dad does have time though and lives next to the swimming pool he just cba.

Gratefulbeyond103 · 05/05/2019 08:02

Instead of immediately jumping to complain and being stroppy why not explain the situation to her rather. She isnt a mind reader to know of your situation. And at that level its reasonable to expect more of your ds.
She hasnt suggested anything remotely worth complaining about.

Runningintothesunset · 05/05/2019 08:02

Does he enjoy swimming? Why don’t you go along for just a splash about and see what happens. You don’t have to swim - just stand around / throw things for him to swim down and get. Watch him jump in etc. If he only ever goes for lessons and never just for fun it might be that he lacks a bit of water confidence.

Mrsfs · 05/05/2019 08:04

Is it possible to change to 1 on 1 lessons instead of group. My daughter is thriving in 1 on 1's and I think having the teacher only focusing on her and her technique does help.

AJPTaylor · 05/05/2019 08:05

I can't swim so prioritised lessons for my 3 like you op. There was no way I could have taken them any other time and getting them all to lessons meant I was at the end of my rope.
I would never have taken them to the pool on my own because I couldn't swim and if they had swum out of my depth I couldn't have rescued them!

With dds1 and 2 I endured years of lessons. With dd3 She had private lessons at age 8 for 18 months, every other Sunday and could swim 800 metres at the end of it.
I would ask for a different teacher. Or look around for a private one or see if they do booster sessions in the school hols x

SofiaAmes · 05/05/2019 08:06

I agree with the inappropriateness of the teacher yelling at your ds. I would find another teacher, maybe if after you speak with her she doesn't change.

I am also wondering why you haven't/aren't learning to swim yourself. Surely there must be classes for adults too. It would set a positive example for your ds.

EleanorReally · 05/05/2019 08:07

i think op you are just looking to blame your ex
i am not saying either of you should give him more practice,
time is limited. change teacher if you are unhappy with her comment

Teacherrant · 05/05/2019 08:11

My DS has various Sen which also affect his co ordination when swimming.

I've paid for group lessons, small group lessons and even one to one. I've been going in the pool with him since he was under one.
He is now a teen and just cannot swim! Don't get me wrong he can get to the side etc but swimming properly nope. We would master it and then it would go again.

I spent months talking him for practice in which he would just bob along and play in the water. Even if I tried to get him to do strokes you can't properly in public swim because the ones kids are allowed in have kids jumping about and banging in to you.

Telling a kid they aren't trying is pointless. If they are trying they will just become despondent and give up.

Original poster

Stillpinching · 05/05/2019 08:13

He is 80 per cent through the stage having missed loads of lessons when ex was meant to be taking him so not doing too badly overall. She actually passed him on the stroke he had to do that week but no praise for that just a rant about this bloody manoeuvre that I can't even see the point of, though I'm sure I'm Ur to say that. I only knew he'd passed something by checking online after.

He and ds1 have done holiday booster sessions and they are great but have clashed with other stuff recently, but I'll definitely try and get him on one over the summer. He's been on the waiting list for one to ones for ever with no joy. That's what he needs I know. Ds1 got on one and went up two levels in a couple of months but there's a massive list...

I know he needs to practise but I just don't see what's gained by being harsh. He's already saying he doesn't want to again. I don't think at his stage he's allowed in the pool without a swimmer with him but i will check. Maybe I could pay ds1 to go with him if it's allowed, which I doubt.

OP posts:

Teateaandmoretea · 05/05/2019 08:13

I agree with the inappropriateness of the teacher yelling at your ds.

If we are talking about public swimming pool lesson the poor teachers have to yell or the kids can't hear them.

sycamore54321 · 05/05/2019 08:18

You sound like you are hugely overreacting to this. You mention the impact on you far more often than the impact on your son. How does he feel about it all? Does he want to swim? He’s likely to take his cue from you, so if you make it into this huge drama of “feeling shitty” and sympathetic glances from others, he will feel worse. If you’re brisk and breezy, and focus on how to support him, he will too.

Of course, you are not obligated to continue with the teacher if you wish but this seems an odd response.

Missbuxton · 05/05/2019 08:19

No don't complain. The teacher is in charge and she should be allowed decide whether ds is trying enough and pull him up on it if she doesn't think so. Practice makes perfect.

Bluetrews25 · 05/05/2019 08:20

On MN all children have to be able to swim to olympic standard.
OP, you can't swim well. Has it ruined your life? Have you nearly drowned?
Will he be going swimming with school? He might reach a better standard just doing that and if you remove the pressure of these 'essential' lessons. Like PPs have said, not everyone wants to swim.

fluorescentorange · 05/05/2019 08:21

I would learn to swim if I were you. Then take him swimming.

Original poster

Stillpinching · 05/05/2019 08:21

No, tea this was an angry tone that was really unpleasant and nothing like the normal projected voice she was using to give instructions throughout the lesson. She was saying, " you need to be coming after school, at weekends, it's just not good enough. Make the effort, come at least once a week." She has no idea what our circumstances are to be making assertions like that. I'd never speak to a child like that- you have no idea what may be going on for them. In our case they have an overworked mum and a lazy arse dad and that can be hard for them to navigate. Other dc may have far worse stuff going on and she's there saying there's no excuse...

OP posts:

wertuio · 05/05/2019 08:24

Is he enjoying his lessons?
Whose choice was it to start down this course?
I think all children should be taught to swim - it’s a form of exercise that will be there for life, but not every child needs to be able to do tumble turns.

Snappedandfarted2019 · 05/05/2019 08:24

She actually passed him on the stroke he had to do that week but no praise for that just a rant about this bloody manoeuvre that I can't even see the point of, though

It’s quite important manoeuvre being able to go from front to back and back to front and will be used as he’s goes further up the stages. Everything in the programme is used and expanded on further throughout the stages.

Snappedandfarted2019 · 05/05/2019 08:25

It’s a requirement to pass for the Swim England framework.

TheInvestigator · 05/05/2019 08:26

OP, are you under 4 feet tall?

If you're an average sized person then you don't need to be able to swim to go to the swimming pool. You can stand and your feet will touch the floor! Or just stay in the shallow end! At 9 and in level 3, your son doesn't need you to hold onto him as he swims or be able to swim in to save him. He's competent and there are lifeguards and if you stay in the shallow end then you could run to him to grab him if he needed help.

Take him swimming and let him practice. If you don't want to do that then don't complaint about him not progressing.

Teateaandmoretea · 05/05/2019 08:29

So talk to her then. She's probably desperate to move him up, which is a lot better than the disinterested type of teacher.

The thing is he does need practice as the littlies have natural water skills from spending hours jumping in and out etc that he doesn't have right now. Maybe sending him with ds1 and you watching from the gallery is the solution as that would ne more enjoyable for him probably anyway than going with a parent. Usually they need to be 8 to go in without an adult.

Teateaandmoretea · 05/05/2019 08:30

He's competent not in stage 3 he isn't sorry

PepsiLola · 05/05/2019 08:30

Most swimming pools have a gradual deep ness, so you can walk in.

If ex isn't great only option really is for you to take him?

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