To complain about this swimming teacher?

[Stillpinching]

DS is 9 and still at stage 3 which I know isn't great. I'm a single parent and can't swim, which obviously limits the amount of practice he can get in between lessons. I have repeatedly asked ex to take the DC swimming when he has them but he is a lazy areshole who prefers to let them sit on screens the whole time he has them as it's easier and cheaper.

DS had lessons booked in ex's contact time for a while, though I paid for it, as the pool is minutes from his house and he doesn't work, making it easier for him to take him after school, but he repeatedly 'forgot' so I take him again now.

This week they were doing the thing where they push off from the side then do a roll. Ds's attempts weren't great TBF but she was so harsh on him. He wasn't messing around but she told him he wasn't trying (I'm a sec school English teacher and have yet to master the art of knowing beyond doubt whether or not students are trying when not misbehaving) and told him he must practise more, helpfully suggesting he come after school and/or weekends. DS wasn't motivated by her tirade and I felt like an even shitter parent than I normally do. Only four kids were there and the other kids all did the manoeuvre. It was so awkward - parents were giving me sympathetic looks etc.

Aibu to complain? A 9 year old has no control over how often he is taken to practice and, given my circumstances I have limited control also. I don't pay good money for sale and I to be made to feel like shit...

If you can afford it could you take him swimming so he could “‘teach’ you, stay in the shallows, you’ll both be able to stand up. If you go in the deep end stay so you can hold the side/ take a couple of woollens which you can use to float or reach out with if he gets away from you..

I can swim not with perfect technique by any means but DD loved being the teacher and telling/showing me how to do things in the pool when she started lessons. Now she’s a club swimmer and far better than me and she still likes to teach me and is definitely teaching me things to improve my technique and it has been nice having that element to bond over.

*woggles/noodles

I'd just find him a different teacher. And have done so myself in the past.

He will soon be moving up to stage 4 anyway so will probably have a different teacher then anyway.

I've been through years of council lessons. My DC have had brilliant teachers, hopeless teachers and all inbetween. You get who you are given ...... At the pool in the next town (ours was shut for a while) most of the swim teachers were students now THAT was dire and moving them back to having the same one per week is a massive improvement!

And btw the dc who have been through this system seemingly judging by dd1's class at school have come out the end the best swimmers. I accept this is entirely based on a few children though.

Also look into lessons with the local swimming club they are often much cheaper than council or sports centre ones.

I'd swap to a different session if her teaching style isn't working for him.

You don't need to be able to swim to supervise him in the pool, and a good casual splash around may be quite beneficial for his general water skills, particularly if he's struggling on them rather than strokes. A novice swimmer shouldn't be anywhere in the pool that a non-swimming adult won't be anyway. I've never managed to "teach" mine anything in a public session, but it is beneficial especially if there is a session with fun things to do.

I have an 8yo stage 3 swimmer. We go sporadicly at weekends or in the holidays, and going for fun is motivating for the lessons. Generally he likes swimming, but can be a bit jaded by the routine of lessons, and reminding him that learning to be a confident swimmer does help as he likes the idea of being able to go down the deep end, or on any water slide he chooses.

Complaining will not change anything. This is the approach that this swimming teachers takes, therefore if its not what you want then change swim schools. My experience of group swimming lessons is that there was often a line of parents after the lesson queuing to complain to the instructor about treatment of their child. Swimming instructors do shout, they demand the full attention of the child- after all they are in the water - it is dangerous.
Its good that you are persevering despite the difficulties though, swimming is an important life skill .

He’s going to come up against shitty people. You’re better off focusing on his reaction. Talk to him about how you disagree with her approach and talk to him about the positive aspects of his training that you’ve noticed. It’s a good opportunity to build resilience in him and the fact you’re there watching him and his corner speaks volumes. It builds good sportsmanship to be able to take a coaches criticism on the chin and debrief on his way home. As a boy it’s also a good way for you to bond and communicate with him. Talk to the coach about how he’s going in a friendly way after training and make a casual observation that you heard about the turn situation but act interested. This way she knows she’s on the radar but not being crticistsed and will hopefully be a bit kinder to him. I say this as an Australian, generally we are good sports and it’s cultural, you need only look at our soccer team. They may not always win but you’ll seldom see them calling out someone for “touching” them or waiting time or pretending to fall over. I think good sportsmanship is character building and learning how to sometimes walk away from something that’s unfair or a harsh criticism or take some of it onboard. He can debrief later with you, raising a confident child starts at home so they’re resilient and a have the tools to deal with these things.

Find a single depth pool for both of you to go into. Pools only require a supervising adult, they don't require that the adult must be able to swim. He does need practice.

Swimming instructors do shout, they demand the full attention of the child- after all they are in the water - it is dangerous.
Whilst this is true, there's a difference between projecting your voice - every swimming teacher I've ever seen has done this out of necessity- and being negative towards the child because they are finding a certain skill tricky. Positive encouragement will trump negative criticism every single time.

He’s going to come up against shitty people. You’re better off focusing on his reaction

I disagree with this. If a child comes up against a shitty person then the parent steps in. Shitty people should be challenged.

That doesn't build resilience does it because the parent isn't there all of the time. Ultimately life isn't fair, DC sometimes get treated unfairly. If they can't deal with that then they won't get far in life.

TildaTurnip couldn't agree more. The message you are sending is either a) put up with this shitty person, that's life, don't be so precious/sensitive or b) that person's behaviour isn't kind, let's challenge it together, here's a plan. I would rather teach my child the second approach, I believe that I am equipping them far better to deal with things on their own in the future than by telling them to suck it up. Mine is not a popular view on MN but I stand by it

that person's behaviour isn't kind, let's challenge it together, here's a plan.

That isn't actually what tulip said is it? She said 'the parent steps in'.

OK my approach would be a bit different then, I would discuss it with my child and make a plan together, however ultimately it is my responsibility as a parent to speak for my child, they can't exactly do it for themselves can they? Er excuse me swimming teacher I really don't like the way you are speaking to me and criticising my efforts. Said no child to no swimming teacher ever. I would still keep my child in the loop of discussion though and agree what was going to be said and give them feedback. In fact I have just done this recently with a different scenario. That is my responsibility as a parent, to speak out for my child and let them know that I am in their side.
Of course if it was my child being shitty, that's another approach, they then need to know that's not acceptable and need to change their behaviour.

And if that didn't work, as I said earlier, in this scenario I'd just find another teacher, one that my child responded better to.

In other scenarios though walking away isn't an option is it? You don't have to like everyone that's life but sometimes you have to get on with it, not everyone is nice and it's a life lesson. He will be moving out of the class soon anyway.

I don't think telling the teacher off is the right way anyway, I would just tell her that lack of practice isn't actually his fault but that you are working on it. And I'd ask her specifically what and how to practice. Then see how it goes.

No walking away isn't always an option, I said in this scenario that's what I would do. In another situation such as class teacher I would be letting the school know how my child was feeling. Even if they do have to ultimately put up with it, its still the right thing to speak for your child, be the grown up and do that thing called parenting.
Anyway its a beautiful sunny morning and I'm off out now, good luck OP I hope it works out for your DS.

I would make a complaint about this. That feedback will get passed on to the teacher and she will hopefully be more supportive.

@PepsiLola if your son is still in armbands he should not be in stage 3. They are required to travel (in any fashion) 5mts front and 5mts back unaided. I'm afraid the swim school your son is in has got it wrong, this could cause serious issues if you changed to another as he would be put in a class way above his level which is potentially dangerous.

^^

That's if your swim school uses the Swim England framework.

Just had to look up swim levels in England as we follow a different programme in Scotland. My 6 year old is level 2 in his lessons but seems to be the equivilent of working towards level 5 in England

Find a swimming pool where the depth is level. The whole pool is 1.2m deep or similar. This way, you can get in the water and just walk around whilst your ds swims. You won’t need to swim at all, just walk.

@PepsiLola if your son is still in armbands he should not be in stage 3. They are required to travel (in any fashion) 5mts front and 5mts back unaided. I'm afraid the swim school your son is in has got it wrong, this could cause serious issues if you changed to another as he would be put in a class way above his level which is potentially dangerous.

Edit- This is the pass standard at Stage 2 swim England, so a child in armbands would not be stage 3 using this criteria. In Stage 3 they are working towards 10 Mts front and back unaided.

Maybe it's different where I am then? Cause everyone in level 3 is in arm bands here 🤷🏼‍♀️ they reduce the number of arm bands each level, level 4 would be none.

Sorry for the confusion, I presume he was still very early in his lessons due to how it is in my child's lessons, misunderstood

It's such a shame that every swim school doesn't adhere to the national plan of stages. That's the whole point of the national plan; so that any swim school, anywhere in the country a stage 3 is a stage 3. Then swapping would be easy. But, alas, they don't; some are stricter than others, some make up their own stages. I've worked for 4 swim schools, and every one stage 3 is something different (even those who adhere to the national plan!).