To think dh should stop asking me for a hand?

[Marvelendgame]

Monday to Thursday I cook for me, dh and two dc. I finish work, pick both dc up, get home, usually have to clear up from breakfast, put a wash on and put one away, have a general tidy up then cook dinner. Nothing fancy but I'll do lasagne, spaghetti Bolognese, simple curries, baked potatoes with meat and salad, pasta sauces, casseroles, chilli and so on. All of this is ready and on the plate for dh when he gets in.

On a Friday we will usually have a takeaway or shop bought pizza, but sometimes I'll do a stir fry or homemade pizza. I do all of the above on my own with two dc round my feet usually moaning that they're starving or arguing over who's watching tv. All normal stuff. On a Sunday we usually cook a roast together or just have oven food if we're not having a roast.

On a Saturday dh usually makes a bacon sandwich, or some eggs on toast for us all, or very occasionally a fry up. Every single time he can not and will not do this without asking me for a hand, asking aren't I going to help him, and getting all stressed and saying it's not fair that he has to do it all by himself.

Aibu to think he should just get on with it and that I should be allowed one or two simple meals to be prepared for me given that I cook the rest of the time?

That would drive me mad!! I'd have to say "Look I manage 5 days a week to have a decent hot meal on the table for all of you with no fuss, if you can't manage to throw up a hot snack without turning it into a three act play then you either need cop on and learn or stop expecting hot meals the other 5 nights, because if you're not doing one alone then I am sure as shit not doing any for you either"

Janet has got it in one!

Yanbu. That’s just ridiculous.

What Janet said.

Is he usually so incompetent? YANBU.

What Janet said, I’d have lost it by now

If he's going to do one meal a week then he needs to choose a less faffy meal to do.

Not that that is a faffy meal but he's obviously not coping.

Have you actually explained to him what you’ve said in your post

Janet's got this

Thanks, I knew it wasn't just me. He's not incompetent at all. He manages to do a skilled job, and he's a pretty decent cook too when he does actually do it, he even says one day he'd like to run a cafe or a chip shop!

He doesn't need a hand, it's like he just resents having to do it by himself, he'd rather I came and stood in the kitchen with him so he doesn't feel alone (he's admitted that).

Why does he only cook one meal a week . If you both work, childcare and house work is divided

Can’t you start “meditating “ and find that the perfect toe to do so is before brunch at the weekend.
Do Not Disturb, Spirituality in Progress

Or maybe running?

If he doesn’t want to be alone send the kids in to keep him company

What Janet said. I'd actually leave when he starts. Just go for a walk. And leave him with the kids. The skivvying wouldn't have happened. You both work, you share all the chores.

That's pathetic on his part and it would drive me mad.

It sounds like he wants attention and some kind of accolade for heroically constructing one lazy dinner a week for his family.

If you're cooking every other night then he has no business begrudging you one night off from kitchen duty.

What does he contribute that equates to you cooking every weekday night?

him so he doesn't feel alone (he's admitted that).

Sounds like the dc need to 'help' him

Oh yes, I've told him, I've told him I cook 4-5 nights a week without any help. He just says what he's making is stressful. Sometimes I'll humour him and go and stand in the kitchen but sometimes I just say no, he feels sorry for himself for 5 minutes but gets over himself. It's just the fact that he keeps asking for help that winds me up.

I don't mind doing the cooking during the week because I get home first most of the time so it just makes sense.

If he finds it so hard I think he needs more practice. I’d suggest he cook at least 3 days

Or do what Janet said then leave the house for a walk and come back when the food is ready

This drives me up the bloody wall, but in our house it's the care of toddler DD.

Nappy changes, it's always can you open the wipes? Can you hold her hands? Can you xyz?

Going out (Inc without me) can you pack her bag? Can you pick her clothes out?

I've cooked dinner - can you get me the cutlery (from the drawer he's stood next to)? Can you get DD a drink?

Last week was a new low, I'm pan frying sausages (no judgement please ), they're at that knife edge almost done stage, and he and DD are in the garden. He comes in, leaving 2yo DD in the non secure, not visible from the kitchen, garden and says 'can you watch her while I....' he didn't finish that sentence. I was very clear that I couldn't 'just do' anything except not burn dinner at that precise moment!

He always behaves like I'm incredibly unreasonable when I don't immediately get involved - how does he think I deal with it when I'm alone?! He manages fine when I'm not there - it's not like he's incapable. I just don't get it.

I think I'd tell him to fuck off. How these men end up getting away with this shit for so long is beyond me.

Ignoring his pitiful attempt at providing a meal once a week, what about all the other meals? Why are you solely responsible for feeding everyone?

Ha, next time he says it I'm going to tell him he obviously needs more practice.

On a Saturday dh usually makes a bacon sandwich, or some eggs on toast for us all, or very occasionally a fry up.

He just says what he's making is stressful.

Good fucking lord above.

My DH is no Michelin starred chef but he can fry some bacon or make eggs on toast.

What the hell could possibly BE stressful about a fry-up?

Is your DH generally a kind of 'tit-for tat' person? My EXH was like this: he couldn't bear the idea that I was somehow 'getting one over on him' by sitting down for a couple of minutes if he was doing something for the family (which rarely happened anyway, him doing something for the family, I mean).