To think dh should stop asking me for a hand?

[Marvelendgame]

Monday to Thursday I cook for me, dh and two dc. I finish work, pick both dc up, get home, usually have to clear up from breakfast, put a wash on and put one away, have a general tidy up then cook dinner. Nothing fancy but I'll do lasagne, spaghetti Bolognese, simple curries, baked potatoes with meat and salad, pasta sauces, casseroles, chilli and so on. All of this is ready and on the plate for dh when he gets in.

On a Friday we will usually have a takeaway or shop bought pizza, but sometimes I'll do a stir fry or homemade pizza. I do all of the above on my own with two dc round my feet usually moaning that they're starving or arguing over who's watching tv. All normal stuff. On a Sunday we usually cook a roast together or just have oven food if we're not having a roast.

On a Saturday dh usually makes a bacon sandwich, or some eggs on toast for us all, or very occasionally a fry up. Every single time he can not and will not do this without asking me for a hand, asking aren't I going to help him, and getting all stressed and saying it's not fair that he has to do it all by himself.

Aibu to think he should just get on with it and that I should be allowed one or two simple meals to be prepared for me given that I cook the rest of the time?

Re the OP, Janet has spoken. You need to get him to do Saturday night dinners too. The trouble is he has got so used to his dinner being in the table that he probably doesn’t even notice that you have to make it happen, IYSWIM.

WeeDangerousSpike
Going out (Inc without me) can you pack her bag? Can you pick her clothes out?

Yes- my DH was the same with our toddler DS! He’s a little boy, FFS, why would I be any better at dressing him than you are? After being sucked in a few times I found that a straight “No” worked wonders and lo and behold DS has never gone out naked nor has DH forgotten any vital item that they need.

Exactly. I also improved my cooking once I had dc, because we needed to eat half decent food.

Dh can actually cook just fine, he's done a Christmas dinner on his own before. I can't work out whether he just wants me to do it, or he wants company in the kitchen. In our last house the dining table was in the kitchen and he seemed quite happy to cook as long as I was sat at the table watching him.

I get this. I work till midnight Saturdays then turn around and work from 8am Sundays. (Friday till midnight as well every fortnight) usually knackered by Sunday evening will well in and snooze for an hour on the couch to catch up on sleep before cracking on. With school stuff for Monday. Every Sunday night DH cooks roast. Every Sunday night he 'needs' to wake me to make the gravy... From bisto granules!
Thbother night I did dinner then bath then bed then jumped on an hour and ahlaf ling call with a client. By which time it was almost midnight. It was 'unacceptable' that I hadn't done the kitchen and he did it. When exactly was I meant to do it!?!

How the fuck does he struggle to do fish finger sandwiches, empty a bag of washed salad in a bowl and bung frozen wedges in the oven?! Keep ignoring him or patronise him over other simple tasks like changing the channel on the tv: "DH you want help with that? Are you sure you know which buttons to press, I know how much you struggle with simple things."

Also he let those wedges burn deliberately as punishment for not helping him - they weren't totally burnt because he had to eat them too.

I'd be not so subtly letting him know that plenty of divorced single men cook for themselves 7 days a week and survive...

I think it's his (unsubtle) way of showing you he has much more important things to do than fiddling around in the kitchen. He probably thinks well, she cooks the rest of the time, she should just come out and cook this one as well.

Planned incompetence, to demonstrate you should be doing it and not him. I'd embarrass the shit out of him. Ask if he has to constantly seek help at work for minor tasks. Why can't he cook a simple meal if he can cook a christmas dinner? Tell him you find it deeply unattractive and very disrespectful towards you.

If he continues to act the same way after you've told him how you feel then don't cook for him anymore. I can see why you cook during the week as regards timing. So continue, just don't cook any for him. Tell him why, and that until he stops behaving like a bloody spoilt child that's how it will remain.

He's relying on you giving in and backing down. Don't.

I can't work out whether he just wants me to do it, or he wants company in the kitchen. In our last house the dining table was in the kitchen and he seemed quite happy to cook as long as I was sat at the table watching him.

He wants you as his audience, seeing him 'helping' you because he sees cooking as your/wife work.

I know NAMALT but this type of behaviour reminds me why it's blissful living as the only adult in my home.

OP my husband is like this too!

Perfectly able and skilled and manages a job just fine. Is a pretty decent cook when he wants to be but put him in front of some
Bacon and eggs and man alive!!

For him it is definitely the stress of getting it ready and hot at the same time!

My ex could take apart and reassemble a car engine, as a hobby.

Ask him to change a nappy. Well, he could and did. But my god the performance. It was like he expected me to be the operating theatre assistant. There'd be cries of dismay that he had poo on his arm. Dramatic walking of the old nappy to the bin as though he'd discovered it was radioactive. Sighing, wrestling (the nappy, not me!) and the aftermath was carnage.

I just used to laugh at him and say yes, it's pretty grim sometimes.

Omg. That sounds so irritating. I think I'd throw him out the window