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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD 13 and errands

133 replies

rabbitheadlights · 04/05/2019 11:57

So this morning I asked my dd13 to nip to the shops for a few items, this shop is not far and the whole journey would be around 20 mins including time in the shop.

Since 10am I've seen every avoidance tactic and when I've just asked her she says "I don't want to go! It's annoying!" For context she's a good kid and does keep her from tidy, wash dishes etc .... But my response was "well in that case "I don't want to give you 30 pounds to go to shopping centre for lunch with friends on Saturday, because you know, it's annoying" So AIBU?

OP posts:
YoYoYumYum · 04/05/2019 15:18

Wow, OP. You're a saint. You have 4 very young kids and you asked your 13 to go to the shops for you? I would have just sent her. Non negotiable.

Original poster
rabbitheadlights · 04/05/2019 15:19

@diddl thanks and she is! I'm very lucky to have such a wonderful daughter.

OP posts:
diddl · 04/05/2019 15:19

" we are a family and I try to encourage the kids to understand that sometimes we all have to do things for the benefit of the group not just the individual."

Which is what I'm trying to say but obviously badly-there's not really that much the others can yet do "for the benefit of the family"

But surely the children were the reason that you asked-as it was easier for her to go alone than for you to get 4 kids ready & take them with you?

Bookworm4 · 04/05/2019 15:21

@rabbit
2 yr old could scrub front doorstep?
Maybe a bit of gardening?
Now that baby needs to get a move on and get dishes done 😂

Original poster
rabbitheadlights · 04/05/2019 15:26

@diddl I get your point but equally her dad did probably 1.5 hrs work (hard work at that) for the benefit of the £30 for her lunch with friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
rabbitheadlights · 04/05/2019 15:28

Ha ha @Bookworm she'd cost me a fortune in bedding plants (she has this weird habit if trying to eat them) 🙄

OP posts:
EKGEMS · 04/05/2019 15:46

EYEQUEUE You really need to wash the fruits and veggies off before consuming them

likeafishneedsabike · 04/05/2019 15:46

13 year olds go out for £30 lunches?
I’m going to need a better income when mine are teens Shock

starzig · 04/05/2019 15:49

Nandos lunch, drink and dessert is nearly £20. Add in buses and contingency cash, then yes.
But OP YANBU. She doesn't help you, you dont help her.

BertrandRussell · 04/05/2019 15:52

There are plenty of things 2,3 and 5 can do. Not sure about 10 months- although I remember ds being the most amazing audience for his older siblings shows at about that age!

Original poster
rabbitheadlights · 04/05/2019 15:55

@Ikea this is not and will not become a regular thing Smile

OP posts:
Thisnamechanger · 04/05/2019 16:00

Given the negative environmental impact your excessive procreating has then I'd say this my business

Jesus fuck Eyequeue, get in the sea. She can hardly put them back in now!!

DotForShort · 04/05/2019 16:06

Interesting that teens are expected to muck in and it’s all part of being a family and doing their bit and so on but parents are never expected to help out their kids once they are adults and said kids will be thoroughly roasted on here if they utter a word of complaint about it.

What does that have to do with anything? A 13-year-old can certainly assist the family by nipping out to the supermarket (as the OP's child did). It is part of being a member of a family unit, developing independence and responsibility, contributing to the smooth running of the household, working together for the family as a whole. That does not mean that adult children have some sort of right to expect financial or practical assistance from their parents. What a bizarre notion.

Are you really suggesting that doing household chores as a child means you are entitled to receive handouts from your parents as an adult? That would make about as much sense as saying that parents should present their children with an invoice for all the money they spent to raise them to adulthood. Which would, of course, be ludicrous.

GreytExpectations · 04/05/2019 16:54

Op, yanbu and you handled the situation very well. You dd sounds like a lovely girl. Some seriously odd posts on here but at least now I can see why the youth today can be so entitled and selfish.

mbosnz · 04/05/2019 17:12

Our teenagers contribute nothing to the household barring a very small amount of labour. However, they derive a great deal of benefit from it, in all ways, including financial. Therefore they are expected to accede to requests - such as nipping down the shops, putting a wash on, helping prep veges, etc, when requested. Hardly slave labour.

I'd be quite revolted if they turned into the sort of argumentative, self-centred, lazy arsed entitled twats some people seem to be, and it seems to be quite an effective way to prevent them doing so - requiring them to be contributing and useful members of the household. There ain't no such thing as a free lunch. In order to get, you have to give.

Good on you OP.

As to interrogating a person as to their procreative choices and timings - how unbelievably RUDE!

GreytExpectations · 04/05/2019 17:41

Its quite pathetic that anybody would feel the need to interrogate someone on their procreation choices. Unbelievably distasteful and quite goady. Really gives you an idea of what kind of person @Eyequeue is.

RuffleCrow · 04/05/2019 17:59

You don't have to 'explain yourself' to your kids but you will have to deal with them adopting your 'no explanations' attitude. Which you may live to regret in a few years at 3am when one of them stumbles in drunk and won't dignify your questions with a response.

You're the parent - you set the tone for the relationship. If 'no explanations' is the culture you're looking to create, fine. No-one here will stand in your way.

Original poster
rabbitheadlights · 04/05/2019 18:14

Where did I say I wouldn't explain myself?

OP posts:
SheSaidNoFuckThat · 04/05/2019 18:15

@RuffleCrow they're teenagers, one is just about to leave school and we've done just fine. Not come home drunk at 3am either.

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 04/05/2019 18:17

@rabbitheadlights I said that earlier. Families are team work, keep going as you are.

Topseyt · 04/05/2019 18:18

Given the negative environmental impact your excessive procreating has then I'd say this my business

ODFOD! You need to extract your head from your arse.

BertrandRussell · 04/05/2019 18:19

“You don't have to 'explain yourself' to your kids“

Why would you have to explain “Can you pop to the shop and get some milk, please?”

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 04/05/2019 18:21

@BertrandRussell I said earlier I wouldn't explain myself to my kids, if I've asked to do so something it's because it needs to be done - end of. Someone apparently thought we should give a lengthy explanation as to why we are asking them to do it and not do it ourselves. Was said that by not doing this it would lead to fractious parent/child relationship in future 🙄

Topseyt · 04/05/2019 18:22

Agree, Bertrand. It is pretty self-explanatory.

Topseyt · 04/05/2019 18:26

Actually, I do give a facetious explanation. I say "It's what I got you for."

That's what my parents used to say to us, and it was always one of our ongoing family jokes.

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