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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD 13 and errands

133 replies

rabbitheadlights · 04/05/2019 11:57

So this morning I asked my dd13 to nip to the shops for a few items, this shop is not far and the whole journey would be around 20 mins including time in the shop.

Since 10am I've seen every avoidance tactic and when I've just asked her she says "I don't want to go! It's annoying!" For context she's a good kid and does keep her from tidy, wash dishes etc .... But my response was "well in that case "I don't want to give you 30 pounds to go to shopping centre for lunch with friends on Saturday, because you know, it's annoying" So AIBU?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 04/05/2019 14:31

“Oh FFS I'm single handedly destroying the planet .... Really ?!?!”

No. You’re not. And you are also perfectly reasonable to expect your 13 year old to pop to the shops. And [dons tin hat] it is also perfectly reasonable for a teenager to help out with younger siblings on occasion. That’s what family life is all about.

BertrandRussell · 04/05/2019 14:33

“But either way it involves your daughter-and even though you asked not told-her saying no wasn't an option, was it?”

Saying no to a 20 minute task on a Saturday morning wouldn’t be an option in my house either.

FishCanFly · 04/05/2019 14:34

But either way it involves your daughter-and even though you asked not told-her saying no wasn't an option, was it?

Why should it be? Unless she's very busy with homework, or in a middle of watching a film, that's not an unreasonable request.

Do parents get an option to say no when it comes to any parental responsibilities?

Original poster
rabbitheadlights · 04/05/2019 14:35

@diddl actually she could have said no, just as I could have said no to the request for £30 for lunch with friends

OP posts:
Original poster
rabbitheadlights · 04/05/2019 14:38

@diddl she NEVER looks after the children EVER! The highlighted text was in response to someone else suggesting that and I was saying that IF she did that would be what I could have done!!

OP posts:
diddl · 04/05/2019 14:39

I think that it was mean to threaten her about the shopping trip though.

You say yourself that she's a good kid, so chances are she would have gone anyway, was just fussing about it.

"Do parents get an option to say no when it comes to any parental responsibilities?"

What's that got to do with it?

Aldicheckoutworkout · 04/05/2019 14:40

Interested in this thread as my DC (9 and nearly 13) drank the last of the milk last night around 10pm and DH was jokingly making a big fuss that he wouldn't be able to have a cup of tea first thing this morning. I'm pretty sure DD had the last 2cm drink of milk just because she knew it was the last of it. I said she should go to the shop first thing. Its about 10 min walk but we all knew that wasn't going to happen becsuse she doesnt surface from her room til 10.30 by which time DH or i would have got some!

BertrandRussell · 04/05/2019 14:41

“I think that it was mean to threaten her about the shopping trip though.“

Blimey. “Can you give me an hand for 20 minutes?”
“No”
“Fair enough. Here’s 30 quid”

NunoGoncalves · 04/05/2019 14:43

Interesting that teens are expected to muck in and it’s all part of being a family and doing their bit and so on but parents are never expected to help out their kids once they are adults and said kids will be thoroughly roasted on here if they utter a word of complaint about it

Eh? Where on earth did that come from? My parents help me out when I need it and vice versa, as I expect to be the case when my kids are adults too.

Strange comment.

Independentwoman · 04/05/2019 14:46

For goodness sake, kids moan but they all have to understand they need to pitch in/ help others at times! What kind of adult will they be if they don't?

In this scenario the child in question would have missed out an £30 which, while its not my business, I think is a huge amount for a 13 year old for a day out with their friends and I'd expect them to go to the shop even if I did only want chocolate for myself!

YANBU

CarolDanvers · 04/05/2019 14:47

Strange comment.

Well it isn’t at all. There are multiple threads on here where OP is roasted to a cinder for hoping for help from their parents. It’s the MN party line. You do get that your experience of helpful parents is not universal don’t you?

FishCanFly · 04/05/2019 14:48

What's that got to do with it?
because housework is annoying and there are plenty of fun things to do

Original poster
rabbitheadlights · 04/05/2019 14:49

@diddl it wasn't a threat , I would have followed it through had she not changed her mind. As I said earlier in thread this £30 lunch is extra money on top of what she already gets for pocket money and daily stuff.

OP posts:
FishCanFly · 04/05/2019 14:51

Interesting that teens are expected to muck in and it’s all part of being a family and doing their bit and so on but parents are never expected to help out their kids once they are adults and said kids will be thoroughly roasted on here if they utter a word of complaint about it
Eh? 20min chore once in a while is hardly comparable to what "help" is expected of parents, like full-on childcare or deposit to buy a house Grin

NunoGoncalves · 04/05/2019 14:52

Well it isn’t at all. There are multiple threads on here where OP is roasted to a cinder for hoping for help from their parents. It’s the MN party line. You do get that your experience of helpful parents is not universal don’t you

But do you get that it's quite possible for some users to say one thing on one thread and then for other users to make opposing statements on another? Go and start a thread on if it's ok for parents to help out there adult kids. I'm sure plenty of people would say of course it is.

Original poster
rabbitheadlights · 04/05/2019 14:52

@Carol My parents are deceased there is no posts from me expecting their help at all!!

OP posts:
TheStakeIsNotThePower · 04/05/2019 14:56

My 10 year old hopped on her bike and went to buy eggs earlier. No drama. However my 12 year old who used to happily go to errands now has hormones and whether he will go happily or kicking and screaming depends on a multitude of factors I have yet to figure out.

Teateaandmoretea · 04/05/2019 14:59

Bert 😂 couldn't agree more

Yanbu at all op, what a load of strange responses on this thread, it makes me really worry for the future of the country tbh

Yeah sometimes you just have to do what you're told that's life, get used to it.

TeddybearBaby · 04/05/2019 15:01

Completely agree with you op! I’d ask my 12 year old to go and it wouldn’t be for any other reason than I’ve asked him to! I don’t have any little kids to look after or anything but I have asked him to go to the shop and that’s it. Cannot believe the posters who have a problem with this. Genuinely speechless.

TeddybearBaby · 04/05/2019 15:01

Yeah sometimes you just have to do what you're told that's life, get used to it.

This x 💯

Teateaandmoretea · 04/05/2019 15:01

Interesting that teens are expected to muck in and it’s all part of being a family and doing their bit and so on but parents are never expected to help out their kids once they are adults and said kids will be thoroughly roasted on here if they utter a word of complaint about it

Well if MIL was staying with me and I asked her to pop to the shop to get something while I was cooking her dinner for example I'd be a bit bloody peeved if she said no. (Obvs MIL is a healthy, fit woman)

diddl · 04/05/2019 15:03

"As I said earlier in thread this £30 lunch is extra money on top of what she already gets for pocket money and daily stuff."

Which you presumably willingly decided to give her not based on her having to do something for it?

I'm not saying that she shouldn't do stuff when asked, but if your reason for asking is 4 younger kids then I can see how that might start to annoy as she probably doesn't feel that they are also chipping in.

Teateaandmoretea · 04/05/2019 15:07

I'm not saying that she shouldn't do stuff when asked, but if your reason for asking is 4 younger kids then I can see how that might start to annoy as she probably doesn't feel that they are also chipping in.

They are all 5 or under 😂😂.

Original poster
rabbitheadlights · 04/05/2019 15:13

You know what @diddl maybe you're right. I will at once send the 5 yr old up the chimney and strap mop heads to the 3 yr old feet, just need to think of something for the 2 yr old to do. That's ridiculous! The young children weren't the reason I asked just an example of why it made it easier for her to go. The reason I asked as I've said up thread is we are a family and I try to encourage the kids to understand that sometimes we all have to do things for the benefit of the group not just the individual.

OP posts:
diddl · 04/05/2019 15:15

"They are all 5 or under"

Kid of my point.

Anyway, I think that on the whole she sounds lovely, Op.

Sounds as if she was just trying it on & then apologised.