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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have lost all respect for PIL

138 replies

stressedandwhat · 02/05/2019 22:51

Please help I really don't know whether I am being over the top about this. Sorry it's so long...

I am 6 months pregnant so maybe hormones are having an impact on this I don't know.

I have been with DP for 6 years. He is five years older than me. His parents are different to mine which is fine. They just have very different political beliefs. As I do to them. My family have always been very left wing. His family are quite strongly right wing. For example they are extremely pro brexit and openly disapproving about a lot of immigrants. I've always found this difficult to hear however I have tried to build relationships on the basis that they are DPs family and we are all entitled to our own views.

The problem comes from this.

I have recently found out that PIL grow weed in their home and sell it. Have been doing so for at least a few years. This has stressed me out but I do not know if I'm overreacting or not.

Their reasons for this is that they were making a loss on a few buy to let flats they have in a nearby town and were worried about their pension pot - I find this irritating as they aren't hard up and they aren't exactly on the breadline even if they aren't minted

They are cruel when they speak people on benefits but I find this hypocritical since they are essentially cheating the tax system

The problem is they have such a close relationship with BILs children and have helped with raising them loads but I just feel like I don't want them involved loads as I don't trust their judgment and I don't want my child exposed to risky environments.

Am I awful? I don't know please help Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
stressedandwhat · 03/05/2019 13:26

bumtickler - I like your plan. I think they would know it was me though only limited people know as far as I understand it. They are not aware I know at the moment

OP posts:
Nat6999 · 03/05/2019 13:41

If you are going to report them, use crimestoppers, it's totally anonymous, if you ring, their system doesn't store your number & if you choose the email option it doesn't store your email address. Either way, your PIL will get caught sooner or later & the police don't keep it quiet when they have raided a property for cannabis production, in our area they put photos on social media as a warning to everyone that growers & dealers will get caught.

Original poster
stressedandwhat · 03/05/2019 13:52

Nat6999

Thanks that's helpful

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 03/05/2019 14:05

You seem absolutely terrified (not) stressedandwhat of your children getting caught up in something unpleasant.

Original poster
stressedandwhat · 03/05/2019 14:19

Well I am worried about it or I wouldn't have posted but I'm not terrified (yet) as we haven't been going there since we found out. I realise longterm I need to work out what to do

OP posts:
janeybumtum · 03/05/2019 14:44

What would concern me even more than the presence of the plants in their house (which stink - my friend grew a crop in the past) is the consequences and the sort of people they must be involved with. If they keep doing it someone may report them, their electric/water bill may flag up something with providers and the police might raid the house and arrest them. They are probably associated with some very unpleasant people and they are fully aware that they are facilitating people's addictions and the trouble which comes with drug dealing.
I wouldn't want DC in their house and I'd try to avoid going there.

0hMyDayz · 03/05/2019 14:48

One thing for sure is that at some point in the not too distant future this is all going to come crashing down on them and if you don't want to get caught in the fall out I would seriously start distancing yourself from them.

Energy companies have extremely sophisticated ways of detecting energy theft so even if no one tips the police off they are likely to get caught, hopefully sooner rather than later! Angry

LizB62A · 03/05/2019 15:19

I'd have no hesitation in reporting them to the police.
Just do it.

DGRossetti · 03/05/2019 15:23

If they keep doing it someone may report them, their electric/water bill may flag up something with providers and the police might raid the house and arrest them.

Electricity companies don't care how much electricity you use as long as you pay for it.

They are probably associated with some very unpleasant people

Inevitable if you're selling ...

and they are fully aware that they are facilitating people's addictions and the trouble which comes with drug dealing.

Most of that trouble comes from the criminality. As the states legalising it in the US show, take that away, and the biggest problem is where to spend the tax raised.

OP: when your PiL goes down, please pass on the entire UK cannabis communities thanks for acting as a lightening rod and allowing the local police their 15 minutes of fame. Makes life so much easier for the less cavalier ....

MulticolourMophead · 03/05/2019 18:08

Utility companies do give a shit if they find evidence of tampering. Because they cant be sure that person is paying the full amount.

Sup3rbsunset5 · 03/05/2019 18:34

Making a loss on a few BTL flats
I don't believe that !
If the properties are rented out the mortgage should be paid or are they mortgage free ?
Are PIL declaring the income & paying tax ?
Surely, if they are operating at a loss, they have the option to sell
Some of the tax implications have changed recently

Original poster
stressedandwhat · 03/05/2019 19:11

I think their retirement plan was based on the flats going up in value by a lot which they haven't. So they haven't sold them as the investment hasn't been what they expected

OP posts:
Original poster
stressedandwhat · 03/05/2019 19:13

As far as I know they declare and pay tax on the rental income but obviously don't know for sure - they both work too so it's not like they are hard up which is what makes it more annoying

OP posts:
DecomposingComposers · 03/05/2019 19:18

What? Anonymous call to Crimestoppers I think.

KMoKMo · 03/05/2019 19:20

Make several reports to crime stoppers/directly to police in a short space of time. Police will need several pieces of intelligence to get a drugs warrant.

Dizzywizz · 03/05/2019 19:22

Utility companies also care because if it’s unqualified people tampering with the supply, chances are it could cause a dangerous situation some time soon

Mummabear12345567889 · 03/05/2019 19:39

This is terrible!

They probably look down on people who struggle with addictions and mental health yet they're feeding into it. I wouldn't want my child anywhere near them. As previous posters have said, the people who will be purchasing this could be really risky characters. I have worked with so many people who used cannabis from a young age and developed drug induced psychosis. I'd love to introduce them to some so they could see what they're contributing to. Your parent in laws are drug dealers. Plain and simple.

Original poster
stressedandwhat · 03/05/2019 19:45

Yes you're right :( it's sad I feel sorry for DP he's really nothing like them but obviously loves them

OP posts:
Jiggles101 · 03/05/2019 21:07

10% of users develop psychosis?! Do they fuck. Do you actually think it would have been legalised if that were true?

I think ywbu to report them, what would your husband think if you caused his parents to be prosecuted? Don't let your kids go there if you don't want to but otherwise mind your own business.

DeeCeeCherry · 03/05/2019 21:32

The nerve of them. Criticising immigrants, when they're profiting from weed and no doubt not declaring that income. I bet they describe immigrants as scroungers too. Hypocrites.

No - I wouldn't want my DCs around there either, why should you? Racist household illegal activity? Nope.

They are dealers, no matter how anyone tries to dress it up - unless they go out to meet clients, they'll have various people visiting them for a draw & you don't know those people.

Are they elderly? Surprised they haven't been robbed yet but maybe they're good at keeping this under the radar

Ithinkmycatisevil · 03/05/2019 21:42

Ah ''tis only a bit of weed, what's all the fuss about?

If you're not comfortable with it, just make them visit you instead of you going there.

Ferii · 04/05/2019 06:06

I've had more of a think about this since I posted yesterday. Its a tough one. The weed itself I have no issue with, I'm a Brit living in California and weed is legal here. The hypocrisy and racist/political views are the main issue. Thinking about it I had racist extended family growing up and I was aware that their views were not ok, more reinforced by society than by anything my parents taught me. My parents and my PIL have very different political views to me and my DH and there have been some very heated debates about it but despite that I'm not planning on stopping them seeing their grandchild (I'm pregnant). I'm going to trust that my child will get a balanced view despite exposure to the grandparents and that we're able to talk about why their grandparent's views are not ok/illegal.

madroid · 04/05/2019 10:19

I love the ppl saying it's only weed, what's the harm?

Have you ever been to a pyschiatric hospital? If you have you will know that most of the ppl there who have not got an existing mental illness are there because they have had drug induced pyschotic episodes.

It's usually regular cannabis use to blame. Sometimes, if they stop using they'll be lucky and it will be a one-off that becomes over time just a terrifying memory in the past. Even that can take years to fully get over.

And sometimes it can become the gateway to developing full bipolar or paranoid schizophrenia.

To me it's simply ignorant to claim that dealing cannabis is harmless. It isn't and those who develop serious mental health issues are the sad proof.

I can see the arguments for legalisation but this is my one big reservation to it.

Anyway back to the OP. I wouldn't hesitate to anonymously shop them. But I'd discuss the damage they are doing with them first and give them the chance to stop.

Coyoacan · 04/05/2019 14:57

madroid

Does anyone know if cannabis has changed over the years?

In my youth, I and all my friends smoked cannabis and I never saw anyone become violent under its influence, but nowadays I know a couple of violent cannabis users and have read about a lot of others on mumsnet.

MulticolourMophead · 04/05/2019 21:25

Apparently, weed, or at least some varieties, have been processed to be more powerful now.

I'm not sure I can find the reports now, but I do remember reading that weed is a particular problem for a developing brain, so has been contributing to the rise of MH issues in teens and young 20somethings, whereas, older people might not have issues. Hence why all the older people can't see the fuss behind legalising it.

But since the medically useful parts can be extracted, I can't see why the raw stuff needs to be legalised.

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