To have lost all respect for PIL

[stressedandwhat]

Please help I really don't know whether I am being over the top about this. Sorry it's so long...

I am 6 months pregnant so maybe hormones are having an impact on this I don't know.

I have been with DP for 6 years. He is five years older than me. His parents are different to mine which is fine. They just have very different political beliefs. As I do to them. My family have always been very left wing. His family are quite strongly right wing. For example they are extremely pro brexit and openly disapproving about a lot of immigrants. I've always found this difficult to hear however I have tried to build relationships on the basis that they are DPs family and we are all entitled to our own views.

The problem comes from this.

I have recently found out that PIL grow weed in their home and sell it. Have been doing so for at least a few years. This has stressed me out but I do not know if I'm overreacting or not.

Their reasons for this is that they were making a loss on a few buy to let flats they have in a nearby town and were worried about their pension pot - I find this irritating as they aren't hard up and they aren't exactly on the breadline even if they aren't minted

They are cruel when they speak people on benefits but I find this hypocritical since they are essentially cheating the tax system

The problem is they have such a close relationship with BILs children and have helped with raising them loads but I just feel like I don't want them involved loads as I don't trust their judgment and I don't want my child exposed to risky environments.

Am I awful? I don't know please help

How much are they growing? It would have to be a lot to make any kind of decent profit to make the risk worthwhile.

Most serious dealers would not have customers coming to the house, but would deliver or sell in bulk only and not to small time users.

It seems like a huge risk for someone of their age to make.

What volume are they producing? A couple of plants? Large scale hothousing?

Honestly?

I'll likely get flamed but I am vehemently anti street drugs having seen close up the damage they can cause - yes even "just" cannabis.

My brother is a police officer and from discussions with him I've learned that drug dealers rarely deal in only one drug, I've also heard stories from him about the risks in treading on more serious dealers toes - or them wanting to take over the business in that locale and wanting to wipe out the lower level growers and dealers, then you've got the potential of unstable users turning up, then later it being normalised for your children.

I wouldn't want any more to do with him and like hell would my kids be going there - with or without a chaperone.

I'd honestly in your shoes be seriously considering giving them, possibly via dh, an ultimatum - stop or you'll have no choice but to report them.

If - more likely when - they do get caught, if your family are involved with them you could face some very challenging queries yourself from ss, even the police.

And is your job reliant on a clean background? Is dh's?

If so their actions are risking all that purely so they can make some money.

Loving and thoughtful they are not!

Does BIL know?

I am inclined to think the supposed kind and loving relationship with the other grandkids is a constructed facet of personality that is very common for drug dealer types/dodgy folk to create.

I wouldn't trust them at all , i would consider it likley that they show faces other peopple that they want them to see are very dodgy underneath (as evident by the drug dealing)

Keep your distance. Protect your child from being normalised to all this bullshit.
Be strict and harsh and assert your boundaries.

Consider grassing them up

Just to give you some perspective with my situation as examples always help...

My toddler has gone to my in-laws house ever since he was a baby. I trust my MIL and FIL implicitly and they’re very conservative and responsible. Despite this, I also know they’re very trusting of other people and often have visitors stay over - family and old friends.

Husband and I agree that if it’s someone we don’t know well or are unsure, that is staying over with PIL, we are more careful about how long he is there depending on who it is. MIL is the main career always and does nappy changes and baths, FIL chips in but would never be left alone with him.

This is because of my own experiences and I’m a bit on the paranoid side about child abuse, I know that statistically it’s more likely to be someone you know within family and friends and also, it is more common than we realise. I don’t like leaving my toddler vulnerable.

This is paranoid a bit on my part and perhaps overprotective but as a Mother it’s my right to be that way on some things. Ultimately it’s my most precious treasure and I reserve the right to be however I want to be.

If you don’t want to have the children alone with drug dealers then I think that’s pretty fair. It’s less about your views on marijuana and drug dealing and more to do with the random people it invites in. Added to this that would become your child’s ‘normal’ and if that’s not an exposure you want then that’s acceptable. As if you would want your child in a high risk situation, which that is.

I would have it as a rule you no longer go to their house, they can socialise with your child at your house or a park or on holidays. Reach compromises and find other ways to socialise and have boundaries. I think that your duty to protect your children comes well before any sentimental ideas you have about how life will be. I am sure you both know t his though.

Ps; I agree this is a huge risk and sounds like your pil are a bit lost in their values and priorities.

I should also mention that we don’t actually avoid FIL, or tell him this, we just wouldn’t leave toddler there with him alone. I just don’t feel as much of a trusting relationship with him is all.

My kids wouldn’t be anywhere near them. Sorry to say in my eyes I’d view them as losers. They deal drugs. It’s a low life profession.

A house near where my aunt lives burnt down when the equipment they were using to grow the cannabis overheated.

I would have nothing to do with them.
All the questions about ‘how much do they grow?”
“ are they paying tax on their ‘business ‘ 🧐?”
It’s all irrelevant
They are drug dealers

fuck i wouldnt want them babysitting my kids or going there for a visit, if they are on the police radar anyone visiting will be photographed and car number plates taken down, every time you go there... and what happens if they get raided while the children are there or while you and the kids are visiting? its going to be terrifying for the kids and you will most likely be taken in for questioning and while you will be innocent of involvement, you might have to try and prove you are, you may well be on the police radar after that for sometime, especially if they make you admit that you knew they were growing and supplying..... no way id be letting them watch my kids or visiting

What happens to the kids who take your PIL's weed and develop pyschosis as a result? That's about 10% .

I'd definitely call police and report. Although I'd be totally up front and warn them first to give them a chance to stop.

WTAF their moral compass is off to say the least. Drug dealing to make up a short fall on property investments? They're batshit OP. I'd be wondering what else I was going to find out about this delightful family I'd married into. Sheesh.

I’d report them to the police and never let my kids go there

Jeez, it is illegal and immoral - and they have the temerity to look down on other folk!. God knows what kind of people they're involved with. And making money off people who can be turned psychotic on weed. Lovely.
Idk what to do about reporting them. Really difficult for you in a relationship with their DS. Also I obviously don't know their set up, are you going to be more at risk by reporting or by being associated with them.
But I would definitely not be going to their house and 100% definitely not taking my child there.
What if they get raided? Do the parents of the other GC know about this?
Steer clear of them OP, even if you don't report them.

Grass them up.
Hypocritical twonks.

Ohhhhh here we go.

Right wing Tory, immigrant hating Brexit voters

Buy to lets

Tax dodgers

Topping up pension pot whilst moaning about people struggling on benefits.

Nice try

Seeems a bit odd to me too, I thought people that had cannabis farms didn’t pay their own electrical bill. So living in a normal situation with a profit making cannabis farm in the house they live in whilst paying their own bills to cultivate it and the neighbours not noticing anything wrong such as foil at the windows, lights on all night, a very strong smell, is all a bit odd.

'Pension pot'. Ha.

FWIW, recreational use of cannabis plays absolute havoc with mental health. It's not the innocuous drug people think it is.

I wouldn't be letting my children go there. I'd be a dope to do so. (Sorry, couldn't resist).

This does not seem very believable to me.

Keep your distance, don't let your children go there, remain civil. Your choice whether to report them or not but I would in no way allow my dc to ever go there.

6 years and you’ve only just found out? How did you find out and how many plants have they got?

Probably 2 plants and Mabel next door bungs them £10 for a bit when her arthritis is bad 🤣 If they were dealing enough to make any real money you’d have noticed before now.

You're just a another kind, sensible Remainer trying to deal with racist Brexiteer in-laws who are also drug dealers and BTL overlords.

We hear these stories so often now, it's sad.

Crimestoppers. Just saying

Their house would stink OP. Absolutely stink. How have you only just 'realised' 🤨

Nothing about this post makes sense tbh.

@theserendipity
The police don't have surveillance teams on a wee grandpa with a few plants, really some of you need to stop watching crime dramas.
Pearls have been well clutched here 🙄

It would be no contact with my children for me. I'm very anti-drugs, growing and dealing are illegal and too risky for my children to be around.