Why does MN hate baby showers?

[SnakesBarmitzvah]

I’m curious.

I’ve read many comments about how gross and tacky they are. I don’t really get the big deal?

Also gender reveals.

The American version of them seems alright (not thrown by the mum, guests don't pay to attend, they are not at night/mixed sex/most don't involve alcohol, not for a second child, not cash grabs) but us British seem to have taken the tradition and made it something really tacky and grabby.

I've heard of some utterly naff 'showers' here: in pubs where guests are supposed to pay upwards of £15+ for a meal and drinks as well, mixed sex BBQs with booze in an evening, thrown by the mum for a 3rd or 4th child, tacky requests for cash gifts or 'you all club together and buy my baby this big gift that I want', massive 'pamper parties' for the mother, or the usual 'I'm throwing a shower but no gifts' - that's not a shower, just a party.

I really don't understand why there is such a problem with "Americanism", baby showers for your first can be quite fun and it is nice to see your friends before you have far less time to do so.

Where does the anti-sentiment come from?

it’s an American thing and Brits don’t like American things (still upset about loosing the war methinks)
Which war did we 'loose' to the Americans that made us hate them?

I much prefer the male equivalent of going to the pub.

I don't really see a difference between a baby shower (come and celebrate my pregnancy) and a birthday (come and celebrate the day i was born) or a wedding (come celebrate me finding a partner) or a retirement party (come celebrate me not having to work anymore) Everything can be described as ME, ME, ME if you're a miserable cynic.

But, i have only been to a couple of baby showers where presents were token gifts, and just a meal out. I have heard of Mums to be sending a gift list out - That feels a bit off to me.

Because it's about celebrating a baby, who is not here yet, hence the term baby shower not 'Had sex and got pregnant' shower and the tradition is about that, without a 'meal out' (unless the hosts provide it, the tradition is not of guests paying for food and drink at a baby shower).

@BroomstickOfLove Let's all get together and celebrate a major life change with a friend who's not going to have as much time to spend with us soon. Let's show her some sort before a scary and painful thing. Let's mark that event with a gift.

That's my thoughts exactly, I'd loved going to my friend's showers and getting involved in the games and generally having a nice afternoon of food and prosecco.

@BogglesGoggles Because a) no one cares and it’s boring

Hmm, disagree. I certainly care (about my friend's showers), and dont find them boring at all.

the purpose of a baby shower is for the pregnant woman to get a load of presents. How could that possibly not be tacky and granny?

It's not though It's to celebrate, in my experience anyway. If you want to bring a gift to show your support for the mum/excitement for the baby's arrival then thats just lovely - or if you and some other friends club in together to buy something bigger for the mum/baby that will be a big cost to them, that's just a nice thing to do.

About as selfish and self centered as a "push present" I also dont see the issue with push presents Just something nice for the mum who has carried the baby for the best part of 10 months, and delivered it. I must be "grabby and attention seeking", LOL!

Like I said upthread, if a pregnant pal invited me to an 'It might be a while until I can see you all for a fun gathering again' party, I'd love to go. I'd probably take a gift of some sort. I'd never attend a baby shower.

That's a bit silly, you're getting hung up on the name and taking it too literally. So as long as the invite said "pre-baby celebration" you'd go? That just seems like an even more pathetic version of political-correctness for the 'professionally-offended'

@Langrish the number of miscarriages is enormous and most people don’t tell anyone about their loss. Would rather not unwittingly put friends through pain.

I get your point, and this is the reason I didnt announce my pregnancy on social media, but there is an argument that if a number of people, ie your mum, sister, close friends and family, want to celebrate for you, and 1 or 2 people might find it hard - should you really have to go without, due to something that you can't help? Seems a bit of a shame to me. I would say though, if any friend declined the invite, I would never push them to come, as understand they might have issues they care not to share and appreciate it might be difficult for them to attend.

The last one I went to the mum to be created a gift list. I hated that.

When I was expecting I said I didn’t want anything before baby arrived and my friends came and had little get together after baby was born. Was really nice.

But even if someone wanted to throw a "had sex got pregnant" shower, people are free to decline. I can think of multiple reasons why a couple might want to celebrate finally getting pregnant. And if i am close enough to be invited to a baby shower, then chances are i am genuinely pleased for them.

I do understand when people say they like to wait until the baby is safely here, but that's up to the mother to decide, i can only object to a baby shower for myself. But most replies are "Its grabby, tacky, Me me me" and same can be said about most things people like to celebrate.

@Passthebubbly That's really lovely! I bet you're so happy that you could help her out :) That's why I really dont understand the hatred towards them.

Push present. 🤮

They’re naff as fuck. If you want presents then ask if people want to get you one once your baby is born and specify

So putting on a 'do', ie hosting lots of people, providing food and drink and entertainment (games) is "tacky and grabby" but you think it's better to specify what presents you want when the baby is here? Seems way more rude and demanding to me!

As a woman who has no children I find them insanely boring. Tips and horror stories hold no interest and when people are bored of that they move on to “it will be you next.” Which they cannot possibly have any basis for. I don’t want to buy a present for a baby that hasn’t arrived yet, I want to buy a present for a baby that has made it into the world.

I think it depends on your circumstances. I'm the first in my group of friends to get pregnant, and am pretty paranoid about being a baby bore and massively changing the dynamic of our friendships, so I definitely won't be having one.

The thought of us all sitting around talking babies when it's really only me that would be benefitting is not my idea of a good time at all.

We have a close support network and I'm sure family and friends will be there to help in whatever way they can when the baby is born.

If your friends were mums/mums to be I can see it being a bit more fun and less self indulgent..

The lost was meant to cover all bases (e.g. I find them boring and tacky)

@oysterbabe the American revolution....America used to be British colony but then fought a war to become independent (no taxation without representation) which was the first in a long string of blows for the British empire which eventually collapsed. The Americans then went on to pretty much everything better than the British (with the very notable exception of slavery and race relations) and rose to the height of a super power while Britain decended into economic and intellectual stagnation and relative insignificance.

The Americans then went on to pretty much everything better than the British

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Invite people to pay money to attend an event based around gift giving. Everyone I know in real life seems to like them so I am only honest about them on Mumsnet.

Last year I got invited to one for a person I had met once! I declined. I didn’t have one for DD either.

I hate what hen parties have become too.

I don’t find them grabby, or at least their grabbiness is determined by the person in question. If a grabby person had a baby shower, it probably would be grabby.

OTOH I find the idea of giving presents for a baby that isn’t even here yet a bit weird. I tend to give a gift that’s more aimed at the mum. Baby presents come later.

badlydrawnperson maybe you should read a history book before you make yourself look anymore ignorant?

Anyways, I agree with the PPs that say its a culture thing. The British culture is a miserable one, and you see the worst of it on Mumsnet. America is happy to have parties and celebrations for a future baby. Its lovely and people seem happy as I think a big part of their culture is celebration and its great to see.
Here, you just get constant complaints. about how annoying attending anything celebratory is. I.e. Weddings, birthdays, christening, leaving do's, Christmas, baby showers ect. ect. I grew up in America and as much as I do appreciate the English work life balance, their honesty, and the affordability of life here the 3 things i'd bring from America are the weather, the food, and the friendly people.

Baby showers can be a lovely celebration where friends and family get together, if not correctly. Nothing is wrong with receiving gifts if done tastefully. Unfortunately as this is England and they are considered a celebration we must hate them.

I don't understand the hate for them either or the hate for gift lists. Gift list or not a gift will need to be bought at least make my job easier by telling me what is wanted. Also avoids the whole problem of 5 copies of the same baby book etc