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Original poster

To want a proper apology?

121 replies

magpiecounter · 02/05/2019 11:33

A few weeks ago I was sent a message by my SIL that I Hope was a mistake because it was slating both myself and my husband. She was saying how she can't bear me and thinks I purposely make our child not eat his meals by giving him sweets (I don't let him have many sweets unless he's earned them and wouldn't just before a meal). She also said she doesn't want to be places we are which makes it awkward for family gatherings. I'm willing to not be at any of them but my husband and child need to be obviously.

Nothing at all has been said by her and my husband wants an apology before we speak to her again. However she had sent presents for my son so I text her to say thank you and she seems to have completely ignored she sent that message when she replied. Now I'm being paranoid thinking she intended to send the message so I know what she thinks of me.

Should I ask for a proper conversation and apology? Am I being a bit precious?

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 02/05/2019 11:37

How do you know it was a mistake?
Why should you avoid gatherings with your family? Shouldn't she be the one to miss out?

AryaStarkWolf · 02/05/2019 11:41

Have either you or your husband actually said anything to her about it? Did it sound like it was addressed to you or that she meant to send it to someone else about you and doesn't realise she sent it to you by accident?

SparklyLeprechaun · 02/05/2019 11:46

Why don't you reply to that message, then you'll know from her reaction whether she meant to send it to you or not? Although regardless, that's what she thinks about you.

Northernparent68 · 02/05/2019 11:47

It does nt matter whether it was accidental or deliberate. tell her you got her text, and then both you and your husband should avoid her, you can see other family members separately

AryaStarkWolf · 02/05/2019 11:53

It does nt matter whether it was accidental or deliberate. tell her you got her text, and then both you and your husband should avoid her, you can see other family members separately

I agree, I was just curious is all

Nanny0gg · 02/05/2019 11:55

Does she know what's happened?

theemmadilemma · 02/05/2019 12:05

If she made a mistake it was sending it to the wrong person, she certainly typed it out?

Not sure why you didn't just address it?

fruitbrewhaha · 02/05/2019 12:07

Does she know she sent it to you?

Annabel7 · 02/05/2019 12:07

Speak directly, preferably face to face with her, show her the message and see what she says. Put her on the spot. She obviously thinks those things even if she didn't mean to send it to you...

alligatorsmile · 02/05/2019 12:09

I wouldn't be bothered about getting an apology - she won't mean it and it will just make things even more awkward. You know what she thinks of you and yours now, and can just avoid her and not bother trying to be friendly when you do see her.

alligatorsmile · 02/05/2019 12:10

An apology or putting her on the spot won't change her opinion of you, though. Why waste your emotional energy on her?

ArgyMargy · 02/05/2019 12:11

Surely when you texted her to say thank you for presents, her awful text would have been showing to her as the last one she sent you? Unless you wrote a really really long thank you text?

JenniferJareau · 02/05/2019 12:13

Just get your DH to call her up and talk to her.

Gratefulbeyond103 · 02/05/2019 12:14

Why did you send a nicey nicey thank you text to her? You should have returned her gift- not sure why you even accepted it.

Now you know exactly how she thinks of you so what is an apology going to do? Her feelings are her feelings. I would just cut her off completely and tell her why.

diddl · 02/05/2019 12:17

Does she even know that you want an apology or will she think it's all fine with your "thank you" message?

What do you want an apology for-for her sending it, for what she wrote?

I would say it's how she feels & assume that she doesn't want to see any of you anymore.

That doesn't mean that you should avoid family gatherings though if you are invited.

If she doesn't want to see you it's up to her to not be there.

Drum2018 · 02/05/2019 12:18

Wonder if she meant it for someone else and is still clueless that you got it. I'd send another text saying 'by the way, just to let you know I got your other message and it's good to know what you really think of us' and just leave it there and see if she responds. I wouldn't be too bothered with engaging with her in future tbh.

lottiegarbanzo · 02/05/2019 12:19

If your husband wants an apology, he must ask for one. Simple.

TeddTess · 02/05/2019 12:21

is this your dh's sister? or your brother's wife?

whoever's family it is should take responsiblity for sorting it out or choosing to ignore it imo.

why didn't you say anything when you received it?

NannyRed · 02/05/2019 12:22

I think you’re being precious, she said it, she probably meant it and still means it, therefore id presume she actually isn’t sorry. Why demand a apology from someone who’s not sorry?
Get over it, forget her and enjoy life.

Tinkobell · 02/05/2019 12:27

I'm A bit baffled by the various to-ings and fro-ings of this emailed or texted communication OP. However, if you were the recipient of an unpleasant text or email from her account or number, then obviously if you place any value on your SIL relationship then YOU need to ask her to explain why the hell you've received this?
Stop bloody dithering around and playing games. It is almost as though you do fear the actual answer. You are the injured party, this was really unpleasant, it came from her account/number, she needs to explain it. End of.

Bluntness100 · 02/05/2019 12:31

I'm completely confused. She sent you a message slagging you off. Were you mentioned by name so for example I can't stand magpie. Or was it I can't stand you?

The way of writing surely tells you if she intended it for you or not.

And what you've not mentioned it? And are willing to not go to family events? Why would you be such a walkover?

Springwalk · 02/05/2019 12:31

Reply and ask her if the text was intended for you to read?

Tinkobell · 02/05/2019 12:32

I suppose it's always possible that some really unpleasant manage to access the phone or email and type and asked email from her account, is that possible? Again, only SHE can explain.
Maybe it was a bit of a nasty stream of consciousness moment that she typed up, trying to get something off her chest, and then inadvertently hit the send button - if so, very very foolish. But again, only SHE can explain.

You must send the email back to her, with an added note saying you've got this, you're keeping an open mind, but you and your husband really are waiting for a bit of an explanation. That's what I would do, and then sit back and wait.....
She might come back and say that she sent it in a moment of madness, in which case I would ask her if she has a broader problem with email and Internet trolling, and does she know that's actually a crime these days?

Bluntness100 · 02/05/2019 12:33

Reply and ask her if the text was intended for you to read?

She doesn't need to do that.

A text that says

God I can't stand magpie, she feeds her kid shit so he doesn't eat his meals and she makes family events unbareable.

Clearly meant for someone else.

If it says

God I can't stand you, you feed your kid shit, so he doesn't eat his meals, and you make family events unbearable

Clearly meant for the op.

iano · 02/05/2019 12:34

I'm baffled as to why you haven't had a go at her for her message.
Why are you texting her thank you messages?
You're being walked all over. Stand up for yourself.

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