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Original poster

To want a proper apology?

121 replies

magpiecounter · 02/05/2019 11:33

A few weeks ago I was sent a message by my SIL that I Hope was a mistake because it was slating both myself and my husband. She was saying how she can't bear me and thinks I purposely make our child not eat his meals by giving him sweets (I don't let him have many sweets unless he's earned them and wouldn't just before a meal). She also said she doesn't want to be places we are which makes it awkward for family gatherings. I'm willing to not be at any of them but my husband and child need to be obviously.

Nothing at all has been said by her and my husband wants an apology before we speak to her again. However she had sent presents for my son so I text her to say thank you and she seems to have completely ignored she sent that message when she replied. Now I'm being paranoid thinking she intended to send the message so I know what she thinks of me.

Should I ask for a proper conversation and apology? Am I being a bit precious?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 02/05/2019 12:35

I'm baffled too. If my sister in law sent me a text saying I can't stand blunt, I'd have responded in two seconds flat.

maddening · 02/05/2019 12:36

Either she doesn't know she sent it to you or she is trying to brazen it out, relying on your good nature to achieve that.

She should be called out on it - and do not let it make you feel awkward or avoid family events - she should be the one to feel awkward and have to avoid.

Bluntness100 · 02/05/2019 12:38

There is a chance she doesn't know she sent it to you. She may have deleted it after, or she knows and your just feeding into her dislike of you by not having the balls to even call her out on it.

FizzyGreenWater · 02/05/2019 12:39

I'm willing to not be at any of them but my husband and child need to be obviously.

Er, no.

YOU are the family. She is extended family, and she comes last in the plans. Especially after that text. You go places as a family, as you wish, not least as it's extremely bad for your dc to see their mother as unwelcome, but they and their father go to gatherings (and presumably pretend all is well).

She's the one with the problem, so she can either attend and put up with her own childish feelings, or she can go and take a big fat old spin on my big toe.

Oh and don't text her again, tell your DH that you're done with her and if she doesn't like you, she'd better stay out of your way.

Original poster
magpiecounter · 02/05/2019 12:40

@Tinkobell it's generally my husbands sister sent a message meant for her mum but sent it to me instead. She was saying how she hates being at their house when we are there. That's why I've said I won't go to my in-laws again so she can be there. I sent her a quick thank you for the presents message as they were dropped off whilst I was out yesterday. She replied saying no problem so she knows she sent it to me and just hasn't said anything.

OP posts:
QforCucumber · 02/05/2019 12:41

How on earth have neither of you brought it up?

AryaStarkWolf · 02/05/2019 12:42

How do you know that she knows she sent it to you?

NoSauce · 02/05/2019 12:43

When you received the text did joy or your husband not speak to her and ask her wtf was going on?

Outanabout · 02/05/2019 12:48

Since she dropped the present off when you were out, she's avoiding you. You're obviously afraid of confrontation and I an understand that, but you need to cut her out of your life or this will upset you for years. An apology won't make anything better.

GabriellaMontez · 02/05/2019 12:50

What did you do when you read the message?

If she doesn't like being there she can not go. Why would you stop going out with your family because of this nasty message?

AryaStarkWolf · 02/05/2019 12:52

Also, what does your MIL think about it? Has anyone pulled her up on it?

cees · 02/05/2019 12:56

I'd ask her, let the penny drop. She may not have copped she sent it to you. Then ask her wtf

Original poster
magpiecounter · 02/05/2019 13:00

@AryaStarkWolf she sent it to my phone... it's a text message sent to my phone but meant for her mum I think.

OP posts:
Candleglow7475 · 02/05/2019 13:01

She might not know that she sent the message to you by mistake, especially as you sent her a thank you message.
I’d reply to her nasty message saying, ‘I take it this want meant for me then?’ And see what she says.

Candleglow7475 · 02/05/2019 13:01

Wasn’t - not want!

GabriellaMontez · 02/05/2019 13:04

So no one has challenged her about this?
What does your dh think?

SemperIdem · 02/05/2019 13:05

Honestly - how have you not confronted her about it?

Not a chance in hell that I’d have sent a thank you message to her, either.

budgiesmuggler · 02/05/2019 13:06

I can't believe you thanked her!

Outlookmainlyfair · 02/05/2019 13:06

Do you need an apology? Yes but would you trust it? Probably Not.
Be grateful that the mask has slipped so you now know who she really is.
It is her issue not yours. Horrible for you, but the best you can do is release yourself from her circus. Do what makes you happy and don't stoop to her levels.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 02/05/2019 13:13

Just reply to the message and ask if she wants to discuss this like adults?

Let her squirm a bit and see how she responds. She typed it, that she sent it to her mum, your MIL, suggests it is an ongoing discussion. You and your DH need to be able to see his family as a family unit. Yiu can't really spend the rest of your life avoiding them because she has been a total twat!

Unless you think this is a golden opportunity to go NC, of course!

iano · 02/05/2019 13:18

What were you thinking when you thanked her? It's a very odd thing to do after receiving a text like that. Your DH or child can call and thank her. Stay out of it!
You go with your husband wherever you like. You tell her that in future DH will inform her when you are due to attend PIL's house so she can stay away. Then you block her. End off.
People will like you more if you like yourself more!! You need to think about why your boundaries are so poor.

MitziTheTabbyIsMyOverlord · 02/05/2019 13:19

Maybe this is just me being dumb, but I don't think it's clear she knows you got the message meant for her mum.

I think, as PPs have said, either you or your DH need to explicitly let her know you've seen it.

Tightarseparent1 · 02/05/2019 13:22

She knows she sent the message.

Your DH should ask his mother why they were discussing you like that AND ask his sister what she is playing at.

Gratefulbeyond103 · 02/05/2019 13:22

More fool you for taking the gift and then thanking her.

AryaStarkWolf · 02/05/2019 13:23

she sent it to my phone... it's a text message sent to my phone but meant for her mum I think.

No I understand that but she may not have realised she had sent it to you and not her mom

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