Sister in law has upset me. Am i right to be angry?

[Warmhome]

I gave a dress to my neice nearly 3 years ago (it was my eldest girls and i was hoping it would be passed back for my yougest daughter) and it has been ruined, all of the tulle has been cut off. Do i have a right to be angry?

www.flickr.com/photos/157689245@N06/

We as a family freely pass things back and forth, the age gap between my eldest, my neice and my youngest means that lots of things are lent and given back in good order, its not clearly implied but has happened like this for a number of years, special dresses are especially kept. This was an expensive disney store one (the special edition ones) and was about £50-£60.00 when bought new, it had three layers of tulle and a hoop skirt so was beautiful. Iv not said anything to my sister in law at all but was upset that it was damaged in such a way, after speaking to my mother in law i found out that she had cut all the tulle off shortly after taking it home. My sister in law has recently changed towards me and at Christmas had said there was clothing waiting for my youngest at MOLs house, when we txt to ask if there was a specific bag or box of clothing she replied that none of it was to be taken which is fair enough, there was also a vintage jacket that was given from MOL that had been in the family that she is refusing to had down to the other grandchildren. I think in my head i was assuming she had sold it on, as it was a beautiful expensive dress, i dont think i was prepared for it to look like this. Iv learnt my lesson anyway, from now on no nice dresses will be sent on.

OP the problem with the Disney store dresses is that although they cost a lot more than the Amazon/eBay /Asda ones they really aren't any better made and the tulle isn't any more resilient or fire retardant either.
As a wider issues it sounds as though SIL is withdrawing from the passing clothes around the family system which means that you can too.
But polyester dressing up dresses don't last so YABU about that.

I’m confused. In your OP you say “gave”; in your update you say “lent”. If you gave the dress then YABU unless you said “Obviously I’ll need it back for youngest dd so if you could keep it in good condition that would be great”.

Tbh I would not lend a limited edition expensive Disney dress in the first place.

If you give something then it’s up to the recipient what they do with it.

I’m sorry but I didn’t understand your update about the bag of clothes.

Not to mention it has gone through 2 children already and has been used for more than 3 years. OPs eldest had it first.

I couldn't wear a dress like that without ripping it. The material is flimsy. If I was 3 years old I'd have no chance.

OP YABU

Regardless of whether things get passed back and forth or not, it is inevitable that some items will fall by the wayside.
I understand that it was a limited edition and more expensive but to anyone else it’s a second hand dressing up outfit that you passed on three years ago.
Yabu. In future, keep treasured items out of the swapsies.

Good grief. I was expecting to see a gorgeous designer frock. Not that!!!

You said ‘gave’ and I wouldn’t expect that dress to last more than a year or two at most.

You’re being absurd.

It may have been expensive but it’s not really any better quality than cheaper dresses.

I gave a dress to my neice

i was hoping it would be passed back

you GAVE the dress and HOPED it would be passed back. If you had LENT the dress and TOLD THEM to pass it back it would be different. It was hers to do what she felt necessary with it.

I think you should be glad you learnt this lesson early at £50 value before you passed her a £300 prom dress or anything more expensive

Op, are you sure? Even the most expensive Cinderella dresses from the Disney store are about thirty quid and they are all beaded and intricate. Yours simply doesn't come close to those. It really does look like the cheap version.

I really do think you're being highly unreasonable.

How did you get the photo of how it currently looks?

YABU. Just stop giving her children stuff you want for hers. She clearly wants the sharing to stop so she shouldn't benefit from it either.

3 years down the line, really?

If you ask the mice to help you fix it up, it might be ok.

Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Put 'em together and what have you got
bippity-boppity-boo

Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
It'll do magic believe it or not
bippity-boppity-boo

You GAVE it to your SIL. GAVE, not LENT.

And to be honest, I would have removed the tulle too. It looked like a cauliflower.

yabu its a dressing up dress. Like anything the Disney store sell its overpriced. More fool you for buying into it.

its not clearly implied

Therin lies the problem. People aren’t generally mindreaders. If you didn’t say you wanted it back, your SIL wouldn’t know.

For further reference: the Disney Store dresses are the same quality as princess dresses from the supermarket. You just pay premium price for the label and watch it get trashed in the same amount of time.

Yeah I don’t think you have a leg to stand on. It’s just a polyester dressing up dress (regardless of how much you over paid for it) and you didn’t say you wanted it back.

Thank you for the giggle, you've just made my day haha

It's a cheap nylon play dress with a stupidly overpriced brand on it.
It's not a family heirloom, it's not supposed to last for years, seriously move on!

It's a wind up then?!

God knows what this is. But if it's made rhe ops day then that's quite sad really.

Bluntness agreed!