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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sister in law has upset me. Am i right to be angry?

143 replies

Warmhome · 01/05/2019 14:02

I gave a dress to my neice nearly 3 years ago (it was my eldest girls and i was hoping it would be passed back for my yougest daughter) and it has been ruined, all of the tulle has been cut off. Do i have a right to be angry?

www.flickr.com/photos/157689245@N06/

OP posts:
Bringbackthestripes · 01/05/2019 15:21

and i was hoping it would be passed back for my yougest

Just hoping? So you didn’t actually say you wanted it back then? YABU.

Gratefulbeyond103 · 01/05/2019 15:26

3 years ago and you are expecting it back. Yabvu. I cant see why you want it back, its hideous. I'm sure you can find it online somewhere if you want it that badly.

NotStayingIn · 01/05/2019 15:26

Sorry OP YABU, it's annoying when people ruin things they borrow, but I don't think this sort of dress can be expected to last 3 years. If she had borrowed it for one outing it would have been wrong for her to return it in that state, but 3 years later you really can't complain.

lalafafa · 01/05/2019 15:29

It’s s cheap dressing up outfit. YABU

Singlenotsingle · 01/05/2019 15:30

Just look on Ebay and buy another one. Life's too short.

Bluntness100 · 01/05/2019 15:35

I'm sorry it really doesn't look like some form of legacy dress. It looks like an inexpensive dressing up dress And I think it's had it's day. Likely thr tulle got damaged so they cut it off.

I think you're being a bit odd about it.

goldenchicken · 01/05/2019 15:35

@Warmhome

YABU sorry OP. You gave it away. So your SIL had a right to do what she wanted with it. As has been said, it looks like a basic dress-up outfit that cost a tenner.

Reminds me of someone I knew who gave an extended family member a bunch of baby/toddler clothes, from Next, Mothercare, and M & S. Said family member promptly went and put the lot on ebay. She made £250!!! Shock

Now THAT would have pissed me off. Royally.

What your SIL has done however??? Nah, it would not have bothered me. If I had been so keen on the dress, I would not have given it away!

Lovemusic33 · 01/05/2019 15:37

Never give away stuff and expect to have it returned in the same condition. You gave it away, it’s probably been well loved and worn, you can’t expect it to stay in the same condition when a child has been playing in it? It doesn’t look like anything that special, a dressing up dress. Maybe just go and buy a new one with your dd?

sue51 · 01/05/2019 15:37

Its a total non issue, not worth a family fall out.

butididnttickthebox · 01/05/2019 15:38

Did you give or lend? Big difference.

MirandaGoshawk · 01/05/2019 15:38

Yep, I agree with the others - it's a life lesson not to lend anything precious. Give, or don't give, but don't lend.
I learnt that lesson after my aunt crocheted a beautiful soft white blanket when I was pg. I lent it to a close friend for her pfb and she put it in the washing machine! So it was like string, and stretched out of shape, and she didn't even apologise, but said that it was still fine. It was ruined.

Iliketeaagain · 01/05/2019 15:40

Goodness, you don't pass stuff on to children in the "hope" you would get it back.

I've passed stuff on my on to my nieces from my eldest, and said once they are done with it, whatever is still useable, they can pass it back for my youngest. With the idea that my nieces get full use of the toys / clothes etc and whatever isn't worn out or broken once they have used it and enjoyed it, will come back. If none of it comes back, I'm ok with that because it means my nieces will have played with it enough for it to wear out!

FatThor · 01/05/2019 15:42

Miranda that must have been a bit heartbreaking! Something beautiful and special that should have been passed on, I can totally understand being upset about that
The shiny cheap dress in the OP on the other hand, not a clue!

BigusBumus · 01/05/2019 15:45

This reply has been deleted

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DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 01/05/2019 15:47

If it was that precious/a favourite, I wouldn't have given it in the first place- because stuff like this happens. Even as a loan. Especially as this is the sort of item that a child would probably want to wear a lot to play so it will see wear & tear.

I'd have had the tulle in ribbons in no time, so my mum definitely would have ended up snipping it all off.

Aridane · 01/05/2019 15:48

You gave it to her so YABU (plus she has upcycled it and made it look better / less tacky)

Bluntness100 · 01/05/2019 15:49

Just buy another one from amazon op. They only cost ten to fifteen quid.

As said, 'this isn't some form of heirloom, it's just an inexpensive dressing up dress, and if you gave it, you really don't have any claim over it.

Also these things are so cheaply made, you really can't expect them to last years and through multiple kids.

redhotchill · 01/05/2019 15:51

Looks like they adapted it to look more like a Disney princess dress and cut all that bulky stuff off to make it more suitable for a school dressing up day.

I'd have done the same to save a tenner on a costume if someone had GIVEN me that

EffYouSeeKaye · 01/05/2019 15:54

Either this is a reverse or YABU.

Bluntness100 · 01/05/2019 15:54

But even if I didn't expect the dress back, if I gave a relative a relatively expensive 'special' looking costume and they cut it up and made it look basic, cheap and plain like that

Can you define expensive here, because your comments are quite bemusing. All I can assume is ten to fifteen quid is expensive to you?

Aprillygirl · 01/05/2019 15:59

Of course you have no right to be angry Jesus Christ Confused

Mintandthyme · 01/05/2019 16:01

It’s still wearable. It’s not ruined.

NameChangeNugget · 01/05/2019 16:03

Wow... YABU

AriadnePersephoneCloud · 01/05/2019 16:03

It looks like a cheap dressing up dress to me too. Not sure how you expected it to last. Possibly the tulle got ripped at the front and it seemed better to cut it off.

Tightarseparent1 · 01/05/2019 16:12

Oh Christ this has to be a wind up! I have boxes of those dressing up dresses for the girls - they fall apart easily.

I’ll send you one if you want!