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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sister in law has upset me. Am i right to be angry?

143 replies

Warmhome · 01/05/2019 14:02

I gave a dress to my neice nearly 3 years ago (it was my eldest girls and i was hoping it would be passed back for my yougest daughter) and it has been ruined, all of the tulle has been cut off. Do i have a right to be angry?

www.flickr.com/photos/157689245@N06/

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 01/05/2019 14:25

It looks fairly cheap anyway op
Yabu

thecatsthecats · 01/05/2019 14:25

And this is why I don't like to accept things from my in laws. They seem to consider us an extension of the insane second hand furniture store that is their garage, but want possessory rights over anything they give us, even though they basically have a second homes worth of items they are hanging onto just in case.

MIL has just "given" (the word she used) a garden furniture set, which can't stay outside because it's not weatherproof. But she won't allow me to weatherproof it. And they never used it because you always have to bring it back inside.

PurplePiePete · 01/05/2019 14:26

yabu
dressing up dresses are (a) easily and cheaply replaced and (b) are not built to last and (c) it was THREE YEARS AGO!

NoBaggyPants · 01/05/2019 14:26

Countless similar (less flammable) dresses available on ebay and Amazon if you want a new one.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 01/05/2019 14:26

Yabu

It’s a cheap dress up dress, are you always like this?

PregnantSea · 01/05/2019 14:27

Surely this is a reverse?

I'm not sure why anyone would think they had a right to be angry in this situation.

Drogosnextwife · 01/05/2019 14:28

But it's a dress up dress for playing in. I thought you ment like a party dress that would have been worn a couple of times. Yes yabu.

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 01/05/2019 14:28

@GunpowderGelatine that's ok I didn't think you were rude at all. It's hard to tell from the pictures, but the older photos of the dress look like ones they sell in a fairy shop near me. They are 'handmade' (whatever that means these days) with velvet bodies, layered tulle skirts, plastic diamantés etc. basically they look like a unicorn threw up backstage at a drag show but they are pricey!! I bought one of the cheaper ones my goddaughter and it was about £95. Blush

DesperatelySeeking2019 · 01/05/2019 14:31

.

Pinkyyy · 01/05/2019 14:32

This reply has been deleted

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YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 01/05/2019 14:33

@Warmhome Did you want it back looking the same for mostly sentimental reasons? Or is it the cost of buying a replacement that is bothering you?

w0man · 01/05/2019 14:35

I'm with the majority.

If something means a lot to you either financially or sentimentally, giving it to a child to use for three years isn't a good idea.

If you wanted to keep it for future children you should have put it away in the loft or something until you needed it back out.

My sil loaned me a dress to wear for and event, meds' had made me gain weight and she very kindly offering to let me wear one of hers as she said there's no point me spending a lot of money on something that I'll never wear again as once meds finished weight would go back down. Someone's long acrylic fingernail caught on the lace on the arm as they were walking from the bar and drinks got poured all over me. My sil wasn't angry with me and refused the money offered to replace it saying "accidents happen" and she wouldn't have let me use it if she'd be upset it got accidentally damaged.

A child has much more chance of damaging a dress up dress and while I understand you're upset and would like it for a second child, it's been three years and I don't think many children would have their dress up costumes in pristine condition. I work in a nursery and some similar to the one in your photos didn't last a month with daily wear from the kids.

Yoursilentface · 01/05/2019 14:36

Never lend anything that you are really attached too.

Take this as a lesson learnt and move on. It's a dress and not worth falling out over.

steff13 · 01/05/2019 14:39

Isn't that Cinderella's dress? That would suggest to me that it was a costume rather than an actual fancy occasion dress. I wouldn't take care of a costume dress like I would a regular dress. Plus, if you gave it to her, it's hers to do with as she pleases.

floribunda18 · 01/05/2019 14:40

Get a piece of tulle and sew it on. Though it will probably be cheaper to buy another costume from ASDA.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 01/05/2019 14:44

I think if it was worn a few times the tulle may have got torn or holes in it? It probably wouldn't be too difficult to re-attach if you or SIL are handy with a needle and thread/sewing machine.
Unless you said it was a loan, to be worn once, and you wanted it back YABU. In fact, even if you said it was a loan, to be worn once, and you wanted it back YABU to expect your SIL to store the dress for you for almost 3 years.

ScrewyMcScrewup · 01/05/2019 14:47

It's just a dress.

And it looks better now.

HBStowe · 01/05/2019 14:50

Yabu. Unless you told her you would be wanting it back, she was fine to assume she could do what she wanted. Agree with others that it’s a bit odd for you to be so invested on what basically looks like a fancy dress costume!

ChocChocButtons · 01/05/2019 14:50

Is a dress really worth falling out over?? And a cheap tacky looking one at that?

viques · 01/05/2019 14:55

It's a dressing up dress. Two little girls have had fun wearing it, dancing in it, playing in it. I think it has played its part, so dump the dress, keep the memories.

OrangeCinnamon · 01/05/2019 15:06

I understand how expensive these things can be especially when you get them from Disney shop etc but you just need to be more careful next time when lending out things - be clear you want it back and in what condition.

My daughter used to come home every day after school and put on either a princess costume or cat costume ...we'd be walking around supermarkets with her dressed up to the nines. Looking back it is precious memories not really the outfit that counts.

notatwork · 01/05/2019 15:07

Its a dressing up dress: the tulle will have become torn over the years. They really aren't made to last. Your niece will have cut off the excess so its still wearable. it's obviously been well loved.
If I were you I would be pleased that it has been well worn and not worry, especially as you gave it as a gift originally..

AzraiL · 01/05/2019 15:09

You 'gave' it to her and were 'hoping' it would come back. This leads me to believe there was no agreement, in which case YABVU.

FatThor · 01/05/2019 15:10

These are about 15 quid on Amazon, pretty implausible to expect one to last more than 3 years and serve 3 kids!

Definitely not worth falling out with a relative over surely?

whyohwhyowhydididoit · 01/05/2019 15:12

Even if they hadn’t cut the tulle off, a three year old princess dress on. little girl will probably not stand the test of time so YABU.

Also, did they cut off the netting because of fire safety concerns.