Sister in law has upset me. Am i right to be angry?

[Warmhome]

I gave a dress to my neice nearly 3 years ago (it was my eldest girls and i was hoping it would be passed back for my yougest daughter) and it has been ruined, all of the tulle has been cut off. Do i have a right to be angry?

www.flickr.com/photos/157689245@N06/

OP did you know that your name is visible on the Flickr link? if you'd like that link gone please report in the post.

YABU.

It's 3 years later, you also gave it and didn't lend it to her.

3 years? It looks like dressing up outfit you'd get cheaply enough. Did you expect it to be treated like a wedding dress?🙄

Are you serious OP?

You’re massively overreacting! I would have forgotten about that tatty thing two and half years ago!

It was 3 years ago. SIL probably thought she was allowed to keep it. I'd also assume that the tulle caught on something, ripped and they decided to cut the rest of it off. I have a vintage dress with a tulle overlay (more flapper style than princess) but the tulle easily catches on stuff.

This can’t be for real. No you don’t have a right to be upset that a polyester kids dress you gave away 3 YEARS AGO has been altered

It's a cheap disney-style dressing up outfit. Expecting it returned in pristine condition after giving it away THREE YEARS ago is crazy.

I've attached the OP's picture, minus name.

I have learned never to lend anything that I want back, now things are given and then forgotten. It does look like a dressing up outfit and they often get pretty shabby.

If you said ‘I’m lending you this dress, please look after it, I want it back in a few tears time’ then yanbu.

If you just gave it to her and hoped then yabvu. How was she to know? I know lots of parents who let their girls run about in princess dress up on normal days and that sort of material doesn’t hold up well.

Sorry, it didn't attach

Kindly, it looks like a princess costume rather than an actual dress. These things are rarely made to last.

It's been three years. Was she aware you expected it back in the same condition it was given? If not then it's unfair to be upset with her.

No way was that tulle ever going to last lots of years and 3 children playing with it, you can pick them up quite reasinably new anyway.

I think that that dress has seen better days, forget about it.

Yes you are being massively unreasonable. It’s a dressing-up dress you can get cheaply and it’s done well to last 3 years. Never give or lend anything you want to keep pristine. Would you have been as upset if your niece had accidentally ripped it or spilt something down it?

You gave her a hand me down three years ago and you're upset that it's being played with? I'm afraid you have to get over that.

Reminds me of when my MIL gave me a coffee table that I didn't even want so put it in storage. Then she aksed for it back. Then claimed I'd put a mug ring on it and asked for £200 to repair it. I hadn't used it once.

Honestly if a non-issue like this upsets you so much then you shouldn't lend things out or give things away. Don't assume anything you give away will be passed back to you

How on earth did the dress last at least 3 years, and worn by two different people?

How on earth do you even remember (or care about) a dress from 3 years ago?

If you GIVE something, you should not expect it back.

Not sure I can believe you.

She ruined it, I'd be annoyed as well.

I know the mumsnet creed is always 'you gave it away therefore you don't get to be annoyed.' But even if I didn't expect the dress back, if I gave a relative a relatively expensive 'special' looking costume and they cut it up and made it look basic, cheap and plain like that I'd be at the way they treated my nice gift.

Did she say why she did it? Was it so it could be stored more easily?

If she didn't want a mammoth princess dress she shouldn't have accepted it.

Key words are ‘gave’ and ‘hoping’.

If you’d given it to me and not made it 100% clear you wanted it looked after nicely and handed back, I’d have done the same. Because I’m not a mind reader and because my small people loved to wear dressing up outfits 24-7 so they rarely stayed pristine.

I think you may be ever so slightly over-reacting, OP.

Would you have been as upset if your niece had accidentally ripped it or spilt something down it?

I think that's happened as well

if I gave a relative a relatively expensive 'special' looking costume and they cut it up and made it look basic, cheap and plain like that I'd be  at the way they treated my nice gift.

Am I seeing something different to other people? It looked like an Asda Disney dress-up dress before and it looks like an Asda Disney dress-up dress now but with less bits on it?

Sorry I didn't mean that to sound rude but it's not like it's a super fancy dress that's been cut to ribbons beyond recognition

No you have no right to be angry, you have her the dress, it looks like a dressing up dress whicheays snag on things, so probably snagged it so she cut of the netting.

You shouldn’t have lent it out if you wanted it back o