Is my sister acting wierd ?

[TW1]

I’ll try to keep this brief .

My older sister an educated professional married young and settled in a great part of a town , married a very successful man and has led a good life with two children. One of her children has a health problem ( her son ) which is very touch for her . Aside of this she has a rather good life . As a ‘spinster ‘Aunty I had always been the choice baby sitter and have been very close to her children .

Roll on years and I married late and now have young children of my own, I did the whole career thing and met someone amazing . We moved around the country with jobs etc .

As with any young family having children makes one think about relocating closer to family and so We planned to move back closer to where I grew up and where my parents are ..Concerned re schools etc we went for loving to the same area as my sister .

At first she tried to put me off saying we wouldn’t be able to afford it . We moved anyway and have carved a life together which we love here . We barely bother her , though she pops round to mine sometimes , mainly for a cup of tea or to bring / drop her kids round , on rare occasions if I’m desperate , I’ll ask her for a hand with my kids if her children are at school ( she doesn’t work) I try not to do it as I know she is burdened with her sons health problem .

Anyway , I increasingly find it difficult to ask her for any advice about the area , every little things is a big ask, I tried to ask her for her cleaners phone number and she wouldn’t give it without me practically dragging it out of her , recently trying to send my son to the same extra curricular activity event that her daughter goes to and I can’t seem to get a contact number from her for the place my niece goes to ..

Stuff like that ... the list is endless , most of the time she seems fine but it feels like she just doesn’t want me to settle here , even though I rarely bother her and she comes to my house more than I ever go to hers ...

When I got my house renovated she didn’t tell me what her DH knew about the builder .. that the man was going to mess us about ... he did really badly

I was heavily pregnant and moving house when I was trying to get her cleaners phone number to book a one off clean

AIBU to think she’s acting a bit wierd and what would you do ?

OP - you may want to reread you posts and consider how they appear.

Good luck with your chat.

But this STILL doesn't get past not warning the OP about the dodgy builder.

But this depends on what she actually said/knew about the dodgy builder.

"He started a job with us and we had to threaten him with court action" is very different to "Oh yes, I thought I might have heard his name before. I think he might the one that Mrs Jones up the road said her niece didn't get on with". One is direct contact and you might expect to say something, other is gossip.

I think the sisters side might be very interesting. People here are saying she's jealous. I think it could just as easily be the other way round: Op is jealous and desperate to make sure that her sister can't possibly have something that might be better.

It's actually quite irritating when someone wants to make sure that everything they have/do is the same as yours. It's very smothering.
Dh had a sibling that for a time every time any of the siblings moved house/did building work/bought a new car he did the same. I wanted dh to hire a top of the range car and pretend we'd just bought it to see how quickly he turned up with the same.
He has stopped doing this, but we still get anything we/our dc do, he/his dc have to have done it better.
Thankfully they don't live too close, but I can imagine that if they lived closer they'd be checking into everything we did/do to prove that they are really better. If we went blackberry picking, they'd get twice as many scratches from the same spot...
As it stands, we eyeroll and ignore him. If he lived closer I can imagine not wanting to tell him things because then his conversation would go along the lines of "we went to it twice as often as you do and the people there said we were so much better at it than you were..."
He sometimes has tried saying that actually pretty much word for word, but as it wasn't the same place we just eye rolled and asked how they'd know.

I think your sister sounds like she's acting odd and I too would be upset about it. I would definitely try speaking to her and see where you get (there isn't much to lose at this point I guess?)

Regarding some of the MN posters I totally agree with you. I have only read a few comments on this post (mainly yours) but from some of the posts I have made asking for advise or opinions in the past you just get some plain nasty and completely unreasonable comments. It isn't you it's them. Must have a pretty shitty life to come on here and be so rude to strangers! Good luck with your sister! Hope you see my post before it's deleted! X

Lol that was sarcasm .This is exactly why I think Mumsnet isn’t that place.

I think all you ladies need to think about the fact that you don’t own your cleaner and they should get recommendations if they are good .

What a lovely society that wouldn’t share a cleaner due to their own insecurities about god knows what !!!

Anyway I’m done with this thread . Take care all of you .

Above all, please try to be NICE . And no , you don’t own your cleaners . X

Thanks popsdaisy saw that . Take care ... I think I might delete my account x

OP - you may want to reread you posts and consider how they appear.

I really don't think she does lol. She's right, some people wrote some really weird stuff that sounds so dysfunctional. She didn't ask her sister to donate her eggs, she asked for the number of a cleaning lady 😂

Op, your DSis was unreasonable for not warning you about dodgy builder and being weird about helping you out with a cleaner. No doubt about it.

But you also sound like hard work. Your responses in this thread look like a temper tantrum when you realised you are not going to get an unanimous YADNBU. There are some good responses in this thread, try to control your temper and listen to them. Ignore the goady ones - you don’t even have to address them.

What you accuse posters of are what, in your eyes, your sisters is guilty of - so you seem to have the same unfriendly traits in your family.

You're really overreacting. You've had some good advice on this thread. This is AIBU, so there are always some posters who go a bit overboard (and I, too, find the suggestion that you might hide a cleaner's number completely bizarre), but the majority of responses on here have been sensible and moderate. You come over as someone who doesn't deal well with criticism and who isn't prepared to listen to the advice they have themselves solicited, which is bound to make people think that there is more to this story than you have stated.

OP before you go, I need a bit of work doing on my house,could I have the contact details for that builder please?

Hi ,

Presumably you can’t ask your sister for a builders number because that might be too personal ?

Ha ha ha ha ha

I totally agreed with you at the start, but now I'm wondering if your sister has had enough of the drama that ensues when anyone disagrees at all with you.

I have an older sibling that is much the same, only telling me what they think I should know and holding back when I ask any questions, but are all over me like a rash when they want something from me.

We now live far enough away to not be bothered by them.

I suggest you distance yourself, don't keep asking for her contacts, find you own. When she wants something from you say 'no' or 'I'm busy, so I can't babysit', etc. etc.

Treat her as she seems to be treating you.

I hear you op, and I do understand.

I love my little sister, she has lived 350 miles away from me for most of our lives. She has just recently decided to move back to our home town.

I have done everything I can to help her, sorted out the school for my niece, the one where my daughter goes, helped get her a job where I work and helped with buying her house, finding suitable ones and doing first visits for her.

She is my sister, yes she’s annoying at times and there is some rivalry, but she’s my sister and family is supposed to help each other.

I am a bit wary of her being in my territory, I have lived here for 30yrs, in a village, but the benefits out way the problems.

I understand why you’re upset about it.
Please just have a chat with her.
Sending you 💐

Is my sister being weird? A few say no, so OP feels this place is warped, gives some attitude and flounces off. 🤔

I can't understand why people ask questions when they don't really want an answer.

As a PP has suggested, maybe this attitude explains a few things.

And now we can all see why the sister keeps OP at a distance.

And now we can all see why the sister keeps OP at a distance.

Op's not wanting to live in her sister's pocket, fgs.She just wants recommendations for cleaners,builders,kids clubs. Nothing wrong in that, and most sisters would be happy to help. I don't blame her for being upset.

Don't post in AIBU if you aren't prepared to hear a contrary opinion to your own. Sounds like you actually just wanted a moan and for other people to validate your feelings and this is not the place for that. Your dramatic responses and that you're refusing to even consider the alternative views is very likely why your sister wants to keep her distance.

Your sister sounds v unfriendly and cold. I thought families were meant to look out for each other.