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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be fuming with dh

117 replies

midnightgirl · 30/04/2019 13:47

I'm 2 weeks post gallbladder removal surgery. I am recovering but I'm still absolutely exhausted and light headed. I've just been informed I'm cooking dinner for 8 people tonight, and dh won't be home till later. Also I have learnt he has booked an overnight stay at Alton towers this weekend, I can barely walk around too much never mind go on rollercoasters. I obviously can't go but my dcs are disappointed so I feel guilty. He doesn't want to go on his own with 4 kids. I'm fuming with him for putting me in this position Angry

OP posts:
Greysmanicfan41 · 30/04/2019 13:48

Tell him no
Health first.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 30/04/2019 13:49

Why did he book something he knows you're not able to do?

And how does he plan to cater for the 8 guests this evening?

I'd put it all back onto his shoulders and let him decide how he plans to sort his own shit out. Anyone who is that selfish needs a taste of their own medicine. Flowers Hope you're able to recover with a bit less stress soon.

IvanaPee · 30/04/2019 13:50

What?? You’ve just learned?

Learn how to say fuck off.

HBStowe · 30/04/2019 13:52

Just don’t engage at all. These are his plans so the logistics are his to work out. tell him it’s nothing to do with you and you won’t be assisting.

octonoughtcake3 · 30/04/2019 13:52

Just say no.

He is the one that organised the meal so he can either cater for it or cancel it.

He is the one who booked Alton Towers and he can decide to either take the kids or not.

Original poster
midnightgirl · 30/04/2019 13:52

Sorry to be fair he booked Alton towers before I was ill as a surprise but just told me so still expecting me to go! 😤

OP posts:
SummerInSun · 30/04/2019 13:53

You cannot and must not cook. Either he orders in food, or if they are good friends the guests are asked to each bring a dish. But are you well enough to have people there at all? Can you tell him he'll have to rearrange to a night out at a restaurant?

What was he thinking? Is he a naive optimist (eh thought you'd be cheered up by having people round and going to AT), totally self absorbed or actually uncaring?

powershowerforanhour · 30/04/2019 13:54

No.
Is the answer.
He can decide whether to uninvite the 8 people or not- they're his problem.
Don't cook a thing. Don't make any effort to get anything ready at all.
If they turn up, say you're not feeling well post surgery and go to bed, even and especially if he's not home yet. (Make sure you have a stash of whatever you can eat in your bedside table beforehand).
Any social embarassment is all on him.

Treaclesweet · 30/04/2019 13:55

Say no. It will be better for your relationship in the long run to stand up for yourself and your health now. What if you harmed your recovery. Surely you would never be able to forgive him.

M4J4 · 30/04/2019 13:55

He needs to get home and cook the meal or cancel it.

And don't go to AT!

Let us know his reaction!

wineandroses1 · 30/04/2019 13:55

Eh? Surely you just responded with “dinner for 8 is definitely not happening unless you, DH, are planning to cater and meet and greet yourself. I’ll be in bed or lying on the sofa”. Followed by “and you are a parent - so go to Alton park and parent your 4 kids all together at the same time - like I do, you ding bat”.

There you go; job done.

mummmy2017 · 30/04/2019 13:56

Why are you so I'll still?

IvanaPee · 30/04/2019 13:56

First things first: you can’t cook for 8 people, ffs.

Do you have a young child that you could take care of at AT so the others can go on the bigger rides?

TixieLix · 30/04/2019 13:57

If there's you, DP and 4 DC then it would be dinner for six anyway. Are you saying he's invited an extra 2 people without informing you in advance? Just tell him he has to postpone those extras.

Same with the trip. It's unfortunate that you became ill but he can't expect you to go if you are still so poorly. Usually AT tickets are non-refundable and non-transferable but in some situations they will change the date. You can go on to their website and complete a form.

M4J4 · 30/04/2019 13:57

Why are you so I'll still?

Er, because she had surgery?

Also irrelevant.

Blanca87 · 30/04/2019 13:58

You need to grow some fanny baws, doll. Tell him no on both counts. I get the feeling you won't, though, and just martyr on.....

IncrediblySadToo · 30/04/2019 14:00

Tell him you are not having guests tonight - he can take them to a restaurant. Tell him if they turn up you will be in your PJ’s on the sofa. Do NOT allow him to bully you into it. You’re always far too accommodating of this shit that he pulls (yes I’ve seen your other posts). Now is the time to put your foot down.

As for Alton Towers. It’s just typical of him. No thought that it should be rearranged. AT are very good at times like this. OR he could take a relative/friend etc to help with the kids. But no, two weeks post surgery he STILL doesn’t give a crap about YOU.

He should be under the fucking patio by now.

Look after YOURSELF 🌷

FudgeBrownie2019 · 30/04/2019 14:00

If they turn up, say you're not feeling well post surgery and go to bed, even and especially if he's not home yet. (Make sure you have a stash of whatever you can eat in your bedside table beforehand).

Yep, totally this. Get into your pyjamas, tell guests how you're recovering from surgery and leave them downstairs. They'll all sit there thinking what a twat your DH must be to invite them over when his DW is clearly unwell.

The Alton Towers thing, again, just say no. He may have organised it before your surgery but he's fully aware that you're not recovered yet so just "no" and refuse to get dressed.

Is he always so selfish?

MummyStruggles · 30/04/2019 14:02

Very inconsiderate of him.

Why do you need to cook for 8 people? Who are the 8 people? Tell him to either cook for them himself or tell him he must re-arrange.

I'm sure your DC will understand that Mummy is poorly and that you need time to rest. Can he get a refund on the tickets until you're well enough to go?

Your health is paramount. Hope you feel better soon OP Flowers

Original poster
midnightgirl · 30/04/2019 14:02

Well there's only 2 extra people bearing in mind 2 are my step children so they not always here. I'm probably over reacting cos it's only 2 extra people but it's not just the cooking it's the chatting, entertaining looking after, I feel exhausted and @mummmy2017 why are you asking me why I'm still ill, I just am everyone's recovery is different

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 30/04/2019 14:02

Just say no to cooking

And surely your kids realise

But he does not sound pleasant

Sexnotgender · 30/04/2019 14:03

It’s Tuesday. Dominos is two for Tuesday. Tell him that’s what’s for dinner unless he is planning on cooking.

Tell him you won’t be going to Alton towers but thanks for the offer.

Is he always such a selfish arsehole?

IncrediblySadToo · 30/04/2019 14:03

Oh. I might havemixed you up with another midnight I think, unless you’ve name changed?!

Anyway, I’m sure it all still applies!!

No no no

Singlenotsingle · 30/04/2019 14:04

He can order a takeaway, or take them out. I wouldn't be impressed to be asked to cook for 8 at short notice even if I was well.

And tell him to rearrange the weekend at AT, if they'll let him

Sexnotgender · 30/04/2019 14:04

Sorry I assumed that there were 8 people invited for dinner! Is it your 4 kids plus 2 step children making the 8?

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