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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be fuming with dh

117 replies

midnightgirl · 30/04/2019 13:47

I'm 2 weeks post gallbladder removal surgery. I am recovering but I'm still absolutely exhausted and light headed. I've just been informed I'm cooking dinner for 8 people tonight, and dh won't be home till later. Also I have learnt he has booked an overnight stay at Alton towers this weekend, I can barely walk around too much never mind go on rollercoasters. I obviously can't go but my dcs are disappointed so I feel guilty. He doesn't want to go on his own with 4 kids. I'm fuming with him for putting me in this position Angry

OP posts:
FookMeFookYou · 30/04/2019 14:05

What do you mean you've just been informed that you're cooking this huge dinner - how about No!

Just cancel the dinner if your DH isn't willing to be there and do the meal himself and as for the AT overnighter he can put his big boy pants on and take the kids.

Singlenotsingle · 30/04/2019 14:05

The kids would love a takeaway!

IncrediblySadToo · 30/04/2019 14:06

Oh definitely another midnight

The other dipshit DH regularly rings up in the middle of the day to say 6/8 business dinner guests will be there for dinner that night. He’s a total twat.

Having two step children come for dinner isn’t quite in the same league.

Takeaway/delivery/mooch on the couch. He can deal with all the kids.

BumbleBeee69 · 30/04/2019 14:07

text him the TAKE AWAY menus of every single one in your Area OP Flowers

Original poster
midnightgirl · 30/04/2019 14:07

No it's me dh, my 2 dcs his 2 dcs and 2 guests relatives of his. I know it's only 2 extra but it's still 8 and 2 guests I could do without atm, 2 more makes a difference you know especially atm

OP posts:
Fiveredbricks · 30/04/2019 14:07

Did you have keyhole OP? I had mine out in 2017 and my surgery went very badly but I was still up and about within 24hrs and felt mostly fine within a week. If you feel poorly you need to go and get an urgent blood test to check your iron levels. You may have suddenly dropped down to anaemic levels.

Gallstones was the worst pain I have ever known. My Gallbladder burst the moment they touched it to remove it and it was about 70% adhered to my Liver 😳 so for that you have my Flowers

Sexnotgender · 30/04/2019 14:08

Definitely takeaway then if you can afford it.

Original poster
midnightgirl · 30/04/2019 14:10

Yeh @Fiveredbricks I am having a blood test tomorrow, not sure if something else is going on but I believe also some people take a few days to feel better some take a month or longer everyone is different. He still knew I wasn't up to it though

OP posts:
QuizzlyBear · 30/04/2019 14:10

@mummmy2017 as someone who's had their gallbladder removed, I can attest that though your wounds are officially healed 2 weeks post-surgery, you can't do ANYTHING strenuous and you tire very easily.

Plus two weeks recovery time is a very loose guideline usually only adhered to by those without children (they add a good week to the total!)

octonoughtcake3 · 30/04/2019 14:12

I found sitting very difficult after my gall bladder remover. I was back to work two weeks later but in retrospect shouldn’t have been. I found standing to teach fine but I couldn’t sit and mark. Is AT a long journey for you?

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 30/04/2019 14:12

I would laugh my head off and tell him to get everyone a takeaway on his card and go to Alton towers alone.

IvanaPee · 30/04/2019 14:13

Go to bed when he comes home. I’m not joking.

SavingSpaces2019 · 30/04/2019 14:14

He still knew I wasn't up to it though
So just tell him no.
You don't HAVE to do the cooking, entertaining or be forced to walk around Alton Towers - so just say no.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 30/04/2019 14:15

Do not cook OP. Do not even attempt it. Tell him to finish early and cook himself/order takeaway/or cancel. You will not be involved.

And AT is tough. Life happens. He either takes the kids on his own and steps up and parents, or cancels/rearranges to another time when you’re well again.

MyRankIsSuperintendent · 30/04/2019 14:17

We'd already booked Alton Towers when DH had his appendix out the week before. Obviously he wasn't coming and I took a friend (no children) instead. Covered friend's costs and DC had a great time. Might a friend/sibling/grandparent be interested in coming along to help him?

gottastopeatingchocolate · 30/04/2019 14:18

So, all 8 people are family. Then tell DH it will be takeaway and that as you aren't feeling well, you might head up to bed so he needs to be the host.

As far as AT - how do you feel about a night in the hotel? If you would enjoy it, then go, settle down in the hotel and let them do the park. If you wouldn't, then he will either need to reschedule or take the kids on his own.

Rather than fume, maybe try to assertively express to DH how crap you are feeling and what your limitations are right now. No negotiation, no anger. Just a clear statement of fact. If he is unsupportive after that, then fume away!!

mummmy2017 · 30/04/2019 14:19

I just wondered if it was complications or just healing...
As was going to say just order pizza in...

mrsm43s · 30/04/2019 14:21

I think you are panicking and making this a bigger deal than it is - probably because you don't feel well.

Tonight = You or DH can order pizza for delivery. It's only 2 extra guests, so it isn't really a big deal, and if you feel unwell, then head up to bed early. Your guests will understand if you tell them you are 2 weeks post surgery and recovering.

Alton Towers - it was booked before your surgery - your DH was obviously trying to do a nice thing. But things have changed, so just tell him you're not able to go. He can choose between taking the kids by himself, or cancelling and rebooking for when you are well enough to go with him. But that's up to him to sort.

Neither issue is anything to stress about really. Its only because you feel unwell that you think it is a big deal.

Go back to bed for the afternoon and rest, and don't give either issue another thought.

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 30/04/2019 14:21

They are family- tell DH you are not up to cooking or entertaining. He can order a takeaway if it's too late to cancel, you'll be having an early night and you're sure they'll understand.

I'd be fuming to. What is wrong with your DH? It's not just the difficulty that he's caused you, I imagine it's quite hurtful to realise how little thought he has given to your health and recovery.

What an arse.

MrsD333 · 30/04/2019 14:22

Why are you so I'll still?

Eh what? Because she had surgery to have her gallbladder removed Confused

My DH did something similar when I was 2 weeks PP after having a baby born by forceps, my vag being ripped to shreds and having the worst fucking piles imaginable - I could barely sit down and he arranged a big affair for friends and family to come and see the baby. When I found out he was kindly told where to go and it wouldn’t be happening until I had recovered. Your health comes first and you need to tell him that.

MrsD333 · 30/04/2019 14:24

I think you are panicking and making this a bigger deal than it is - probably because you don't feel well

Maybe the OP doesn’t want visitors as she’s not well. Socialising is probably the last thing on her mind

Toooldtocareanymore · 30/04/2019 14:26

I think you need to be a bit more proactive, stop talking to mns who will just tell you the obvious- don't do it, firstly you said dh not home to later so cant help but you haven't said what age are kids, if they cant help as you say its not just food you need stuff doing ,then get on phone ring those relatives and tell them you are not feeling well are lightheaded are having blood test tomorrow, say sorry don't think id be able to make it through the meal tonight so would love to reschedule for say 2 weeks, ill be in touch. then send dh a message dinner plans changed, pick up x on way home for the 4 kids, don't mind what you get me I have to have an early night.
regarding trip away it actually sounds like it would be good for you to have a really quiet weekend and total rest so can you suggest a substitute to accompany your dh? can it be rescheduled? suggest you find out and just tell him.

mummmy2017 · 30/04/2019 14:27

Since it is an overnight, go and stay at the room, he can take the children out, and let you relax ...
Then only one person of the six in your family will miss out....you might feel ok, too walk around a bit by then.

Mitzimaybe · 30/04/2019 14:28

Just say no. Do you have any family or close friends nearby that you can stay with for a night or two? Leave him to deal with it all.

jackstini · 30/04/2019 14:28

Definitely takeaway for dinner and you go to bed whenever you need to, let kids entertain each other and relatives

Re-book AT for another weekend when you can enjoy it

DH is being a knob

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