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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband told how to spend inheritance ( only on himself)

149 replies

paulmike · 29/04/2019 23:14

AIBU... husband of nearly 20 years sits me down to explain that his grandfathers inheritance left to HIM.... that his parents have told him it must he spent on himself ... full disclosure, I have never lived off my husband and I owned our initial property which financed the family home ... not to drip feed, his parents are very controlling and even though he’s in his 40’s he always takes their side.. I have always worked while he’s at home drinking most nights.. out ds is now 17 .... wwud?

OP posts:
flyingspaghettimonster · 30/04/2019 00:25

That is a small inheritance and I can see their point if the grandfather would have wanted it to go on something for him. My grandparents gave us all 2k each a few years before they died, and wanted it used for joyful things. We ended up using mine for a new boiler, but if that emergency hadn't cropped up I would have used it to take us to Disney for a holiday to make memories in my grandparents honour. My husband wouldn't have tried to say what I should use it for as he would have seen it as my money from my grandparents.

If it was a much larger sum though, we would have discussed options and I would have taken his opinion into account. Because that is how normal relationships work. I think you could suggest a use for it, but accept he might not think that is the way he wants to remember his grandfather.

HeronLanyon · 30/04/2019 00:27

Oh flying I too have spent a gift on a boiler. Life, eh ?

Original poster
paulmike · 30/04/2019 00:27

Son

OP posts:
HeronLanyon · 30/04/2019 00:29

Grin I was imagining you sobbing at uni !

MaitlandGirl · 30/04/2019 00:34

Some people are really weird with money. My in-laws have told my DW that her inheritance from them is to be spent exclusively on her, not me or my children (their step grandchildren) as she has a disability so will never be able to work, limiting her future prospects. Never mind the fact that I’m her full time carer so I’m screwed as well.

The difference is that my DW ignores them.

You sound so unhappy, is it really worth holding on till your son is at uni? You deserve better than this.

Original poster
paulmike · 30/04/2019 00:35

😂😂

OP posts:
Original poster
paulmike · 30/04/2019 00:36

Thanks .. only another year hopefully

OP posts:
choli · 30/04/2019 00:41

All this over 1k?

Original poster
paulmike · 30/04/2019 00:42

He doesn’t even know 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
paulmike · 30/04/2019 00:45

It’s nothing to do with the amount, if it was £50.00 I would be pissed off about being told how to spend it... he doesn’t see it as a thing... unless he’s made it up ?

OP posts:
HotSpotSpot · 30/04/2019 00:46

Was you husband close to his grandfather? Is it possible that the grandfather said that he wanted to give his grandkids (adults) some money to treat themselves to something fun or special for themselves. If I was leaving a little money to someone I could imagine wanting it to go on something memorable and enjoyable rather than for it to disappear paying for something 'boring' like bills.

Just trying to see it from another point of
view.

Original poster
paulmike · 30/04/2019 00:49

Unfortunately his grandpa had dementia for years before he died so I doubt it

OP posts:
Original poster
paulmike · 30/04/2019 00:55

Are reply’s visible to all, I’ve never posted on mumsnet

OP posts:
Original poster
paulmike · 30/04/2019 00:57

Freudian slip 😂

OP posts:
HotSpotSpot · 30/04/2019 01:07

Unfortunately his grandpa had dementia for years before he died so I doubt it

If it was a specific amount that was left to your husband then maybe the grandfather said what he wanted the money to go towards before he got
Dementia and your parents are honouring his wish.

I'd share any inheritance with my husband but you must be able
see that it's possible that the grandfather wanted the money to go on a nice treat for his grandson?

Original poster
paulmike · 30/04/2019 01:13

This was an instruction from my husbands parents not his dead grandpa... no will , no request,just his parents instructions

OP posts:
Original poster
paulmike · 30/04/2019 01:32

I will be 😭😂

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 30/04/2019 01:32

You know, OP, don't take this amiss, but I don't think it is fair on your husband for you to still live with him when you obviously dislike him so much. That is not healthy for anyone.

I realised that I had to leave my abusive ex when, instead of defending him from other people's criticism, I was joining in.

Original poster
paulmike · 30/04/2019 01:41

Good for you. I’m glad you were able to do that , but I’m not so thanks for your input.

OP posts:
Bellasorellaa · 30/04/2019 02:12

Nothing to do with you
That money was attended for him before you were even a thought or known to him

81Byerley · 30/04/2019 02:29

My husband's inheritance was counted in his divorce settlement.

Trebla · 30/04/2019 02:45

My main issue is that in his shoes id want to spend it with my husband

AmeriAnn · 30/04/2019 02:52

I inherited several hundred thousand and told my husband it was my money not his. lol. He was cool with it. He understands my parents worked hard for their money and wanted me to have it.

Right now I'm in the process of saving some & spending some. My husband (and son) know good and well they would benefit from anything I did with it. I don't know how I could spend it and they would not benefit.

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/04/2019 03:28

I was told me the same and ignored that. Dh has been keeping me for years as I’m too ill to work, as well as doing a lot of stuff around the house. He also shared the majority of his inheritance with me some years ago apart from buying something a little frivolous for himself.

user1470009542 · 30/04/2019 03:43

If there was no will like you say OP, then the grandfather died intestate. That means all the money goes to the next of kin ( parents ) and it seems they are gifting a token amount to him with a request to spend it on himself.
You clearly hate him and his parents know that. Best to separate now. Kids are not stupid, your lad must sense the unhappiness in your home