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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband told how to spend inheritance ( only on himself)

149 replies

paulmike · 29/04/2019 23:14

AIBU... husband of nearly 20 years sits me down to explain that his grandfathers inheritance left to HIM.... that his parents have told him it must he spent on himself ... full disclosure, I have never lived off my husband and I owned our initial property which financed the family home ... not to drip feed, his parents are very controlling and even though he’s in his 40’s he always takes their side.. I have always worked while he’s at home drinking most nights.. out ds is now 17 .... wwud?

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 29/04/2019 23:31

I think inheritance money should be for the individual named, and not their spouse unless they want to share it.

If dp came into money via one of his relatives I know he'd treat me, but I certainly wouldn't expect it ask for half of it

EluphNaugeMeop · 29/04/2019 23:34

You know that bit in the wedding vows about sharing everything? Did he add a subclause of "except if I don't want to"?

SihtricsHorseWitnere · 29/04/2019 23:34

Your problem is that you found yourself saddled with a layabout alcoholic. Now, his inheritance means you can get rid of him. I'd see a solicitor about divorce.

notapizzaeater · 29/04/2019 23:37

Regardless what his parents think, what did his GP want ?

He needs to cut the apron strings

jonsnowlowblow · 29/04/2019 23:38

What on earth does he want to spend it on?? I can't think of many purchases where you wouldn't benefit in some way or other.

SpoonBlender · 29/04/2019 23:43

Ah, jonsnow, you know nothing. He'll spend it on ale and whores.

Original poster
paulmike · 29/04/2019 23:45

I think it is a small amount £1000 max ( not sure right enough) but the fact he sat me down to explain that his parents wanted him to spend it on himself annoyed me..., they have such a unfair take on our lives it pisses me off .. they don’t know how much of a completely messed up person he is. I have covered for years , ...

OP posts:
Epiphany52 · 29/04/2019 23:45

What did he think about what his parents said and how would they know whether or not he had spent it on himself. Husband doesn’t sound so happy if he is drinking a lot. Neither do you. Maybe spend some of it on counseling

FlyingMonkeys · 29/04/2019 23:53

In fairness did they even say that or is he just full of shit? I'd say champion he can spend it on himself making up his shares of the bills if you contribute more. I'd also be tempted to text his DP's and query the amount. Maybe for driving lessons for your DS as DH is excited to spend the money on his son.

VaggieMight · 29/04/2019 23:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

Wurkit · 29/04/2019 23:54

they have such a unfair take on our lives it pisses me off .. they don’t know how much of a completely messed up person he is

What’s the backstory then?

LordWheresMyShoes · 29/04/2019 23:54

You have bigger issues than £1k don't you. The good news is that's the deposit on a flat for him.

Original poster
paulmike · 29/04/2019 23:55

Didn’t want or expect anything, in fact he got a few thousand a couple of years ago and I made sure none of it was spent on me... they don’t know he spends it all but think I’m reaping the rewards.

OP posts:
Original poster
paulmike · 29/04/2019 23:56

I wish

OP posts:
Purpleartichoke · 30/04/2019 00:00

In a healthy marriage with no debt, I wouldn’t expect that a small windfall must be shared. It might be shared or it might not. We would decide at the time.

A large windfall would go straight to the retirement fund.

It would have been reasonable to come to you and say he had an idea about how he wanted to spend the money and he thinks his grandfather would approve of his plan. I don’t know how to react to the way he approached this. It’s just odd.

DishingOutDone · 30/04/2019 00:01

Could he use it as a deposit for his own flat and then fuck off?

Whats your situation OP? Do you really want to carry on living with him now that your DS is nearly an adult?

Original poster
paulmike · 30/04/2019 00:04

It’s nothing to do with the amount but the fact his parents and himself feel obligated to inform me if their feelings .., although I don’t think he was supposed to say it to me... there is a history where I used to tell them everything but it was thrown back in my face... so now they don’t know he’s got a drinking problem and I can’t tell them .

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 30/04/2019 00:05

This is bonkers. Why on earth do his parents think they get any say in what their middle-aged son does with the money he's inherited? And why on earth does he think they do?

Why isn't he telling them to shut up? And then spending it on a lovely holiday with his wife?

Original poster
paulmike · 30/04/2019 00:06

I wish

OP posts:
FlyingMonkeys · 30/04/2019 00:06

Is he even working and contributing anything to the financial pot? Your OP sounded like he's sat getting pissed every night and you're the only one employed?

PrincessDanae · 30/04/2019 00:07

Tell him to use it as a deposit for a flat rental, then it can REALLY be just for himself.

ReanimatedSGB · 30/04/2019 00:13

That's just weird bullshit and, by the sound of it, not the actual problem. To start with, 'you can only spend this inheritance on yourself' is complete nonsense. I suppose it's possible that someone might write that into their will if the person they were leaving the money to had an abusive leech for a partner, but it still wouldn't have any legal validity.

From your posts, this doesn't sound like a life-changing sum of money anyway - do you think your H just wants to spend it on beer and for you not to complain that he is buying beer? This sounds like a marriage you would be better off leaving.

Original poster
paulmike · 30/04/2019 00:16

Easier said than done ..

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 30/04/2019 00:20

I would laugh in his face and march down to my solicitor's office. Why are you even married to this useless piece of shit?

Original poster
paulmike · 30/04/2019 00:24

Keeping it together till sobs in uni

OP posts: