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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ditch baseball cap wearing date

154 replies

Bubblegumicecream · 28/04/2019 20:08

Currently sitting in a nice bar on a first date arranged through mutual friend... and said date is wearing a fucking baseball cap.

Smart shoes. Smart jeans. Smart top. Well groomed. Handsome. Then polishes it off with a bright white baseball cap which is almost burning my eyeballs.

I know for a fact he's not bald. Imo baseball caps are reserved for baseball fans, playing tennis, playing golf, children, chavs.

I just imagine him laying his outfit out for tonight and thinking 'yes, this finishes me off nicely. She'll love this cap!'.

Seriously thinking of making a dash for it when he goes for a bathroom break. Could write 'baseball cap?' in lipstick on a napkin so he gets the message.

Wwyd?

OP posts:
64sNewName · 28/04/2019 22:52

I grew up in America, and that’s where my negative associations with ball caps were formed.

They are common there, yes, and a wider range of people definitely wear them. Lots of lovely people wear them. But not everyone does, by any means. And they are definitely heavily favoured by toxic misogynist jock types, and there were a LOT of those in my high school and the local fraternity houses (college town).

Call it shallow or call it cautious but my friends and I were always wary of attention from guys in the cap-wearing crowd. The Venn diagram would have shown some overlap with other factors too but those caps were definitely an early signal.

isabellerossignol · 28/04/2019 22:54

It's funny, I'd say that I'm not shallow but actually I really really am.

If I was at the dating stage I would never dismiss a man because he didn't have a huge salary, or he didn't have a nice car or any of those traditionally shallow things. But I probably wouldn't go past a first date with someone if I hated the way he dressed, if he told me he never read books or if he said he liked music that I think is terrible. So, I'm opening up, I am indeed shallow.

Serin · 28/04/2019 22:59

Lol!! Our GP was wearing one the other day Shock.
Along with a leather friendship type bracelet. Don't know how the bracelet passed infection control.
What is the world coming to Grin

devilinme · 28/04/2019 22:59

Maybe his hair is a toupee and he's wearing the hat for extra security

MsTSwift · 28/04/2019 23:09

The poster that said there is never a reason to wear a baseball cap is wrong! If you are coxing a rowing boat you need one to hold your microphone near your mouth as you need both your hands for steering

CardsforKittens · 28/04/2019 23:19

If it’s a Yankees cap, leave now. If it’s a Mets cap, give him a second chance.

Suliemantra · 28/04/2019 23:24

What's with all this casual use of the word chav?
It's a racist classist stereotype.

Just cause it's a derogatory and stereotypical term for white working class doesnt make it ok.

AyoadesChinDimple · 28/04/2019 23:29

It's just a cap FFS

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 28/04/2019 23:29

OP clearly didn’t leave the date!
Otherwise she would have updated (hopefully).

Candleglow7475 · 28/04/2019 23:30

He might have a problem with his eyes, DP does this and also wears sunglasses a lot, he’s not being a twat he just needs to.

Eistigi · 28/04/2019 23:36

If it says MAGA, run! Otherwise, give the guy a chance Smile

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 28/04/2019 23:47

It's really up to you isn't it? Baseball caps would not be a red line for me, but if I'm honest, and it may not be a popular thing to say, I really couldn't handle someone who was fat. It really doesn't matter if other people think it's judgmental, it's your judgment that counts!

StarbucksSmarterSister · 29/04/2019 00:22

It's one thing entirely to wear one when out walking or for protection from the sun. It's totally another to wear it when in a restaurant, bar, etc.

LaMarschallin · 29/04/2019 00:28

YANBU. LTB.

(Ooh! Get me using MN acronyms)

Loathe baseball caps (BCs Smile). See no reason for this man to be wearing one inside.

NunoGoncalves · 29/04/2019 00:35

It could be a test! (I might steal his idea, in fact). If someone ditches him just because he wore a stupid hat, he's saved a lot of time potentially dating someone shallow for longer than necessary!

SenecaFalls · 29/04/2019 00:38

With all the references to "chavs" (not nice to use slurs, by the way), I assume that there is a social class connotation to baseball cap wearing in the UK. What a shock.

SenecaFalls · 29/04/2019 00:41

he's saved a lot of time potentially dating someone shallow for longer than necessary!

True. It also might help him weed out people who like to use the word "chav." That would be a nice bonus.

Tantruminateacup · 29/04/2019 00:42

Yes you should ditch him, then he can go on dates with people that aren't shallow judgmental snobs.

NunoGoncalves · 29/04/2019 00:45

I'm starting to think this is a really great idea. Shame I'm already married Grin

pinkgloves · 29/04/2019 01:11

This reply has been deleted

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Rosesaredead · 29/04/2019 01:13

If he seems like an otherwise nice person you should probably leave. For his sake. Poor guy.

ilovesooty · 29/04/2019 01:15

I'm glad I'm not the only person who hates the word chav and thinks that if the OP leaves the bloke has dodged a bullet.

HappyHippy45 · 29/04/2019 01:49

Pfft..in the USA baseball hats are the norm. U.K. People are too hung up on this. I lived in the USA for a decade......I still wear baseball hats as a norm....and get funny looks. They are practical. You sound a bit judgy.

BadLad · 29/04/2019 02:00

I just imagine him laying his outfit out for tonight and thinking 'yes, this finishes me off nicely. She'll love this cap!'.

Probably more likely to have pulled his clothes out of a jam-packed drawer, a pile of clothes on his floor, or a wardrobe if he's really classy rather than "laying them out". The thinking will have been "Does this smell? Do I need to spray it with Lynx?".

(Wipes nostalgic tear)

Butteredghost · 29/04/2019 02:09

My DH is never without his and I'm in permanent state of cringe. Outside is fair enough for the sun, but inside and outside after dark? Argh! He is balding and he thinks this hides it. But balding men look completly fine and are attractive. It's caps that look shit!

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