To ask if you have a problem with your father walking you down the isle?

[trully]

I have just seen the thread about asking for hand in marriage and seeing how sexist it is etc etc I do agree and I understand where it came from. However, it's the same for your father "giving you away" and walking you down the isle. Does that bother everyone too?

Of course I know where the tradition stems from, but unless you're a voluntary Stepford Wife type, or belong to some strict archaic-style sect, this has no relevance today.

So why do it? Why pay lip-service to an appalling past reality?

Not really relevant to this thread but I disagree that feminism is about "choice"! It's about equality between the sexes and if a women's "choice" goes against that then she certainly isn't a feminist

So all women should fall in line and do as they are told despite it not being what they want to do.

Hmm sounds familiar.

So why do it? Why pay lip-service to an appalling past reality?
Perhaps, because we/its evolved and no longer the reality and means something completely different to some now and doing so does not condemn others to a life of servitude or perpetuate harm. But as this has devolved into an argument of sexism I will leave it. I agree with everyone having their own feelings and those feelings being worthy and legitimate - what I disagree with is the condemnation of those who make a choice being told they are causing harm to others by their actions. Ta

I think the worst thing is actually how they don’t put your mothers profession on the wedding certificate. So dated. Plus think of all the interesting data that’s being lost.

NB. it's far more likely that women will be criticized for standing aside from convention than conforming with it. If you'd told me ahead of time some of the rude conversations I'd be forced to have, simply for being a married woman with my own surname who does not use the title 'Mrs', I'd have been genuinely stunned. That this would still be an issue in the late 'noughties' was a thing I never anticipated. Annoying enough that this is noone else's business, but it's doubly infuriating in view of the fact that no man would ever be expected to have such a conversation.

I use 'Dr' now as a matter of course - a thing I said I'd never do as I viewed it as pretentious - but it's a very convenient way of circumventing that annoying Miss/Mrs/Ms question. Who has the time/can be bothered?

NB Miss, Mrs and Ms is a pointless distinction as every single one of these is a truncation of Mistress: i.e. exactly the same bloody thing!

Crazy.

My DH and I walked down the aisle (or rather entered the room) TOGETHER. It's just as sexist for the woman to walk down the aisle alone as it is for her DF to give her away. Traditionally, why is she walking down the aisle? As a shop window for the groom and everybody to look at before the "transaction" takes place.

It's all a load of crap and the more couples straight or gay who choose to disregard these traditions the better imo.

So all women should fall in line and do as they are told despite it not being what they want to do.

No, you are (I suspect wilfully) misunderstanding yet again. No one has the capacity to change the law on this one,or even to tell you what to do. They are simply pointing out that your choices are anti-feminist.

Have you ever considered asking yourself why you actually want/ed to be walked down the aisle, what it is about your upbringing or education that makes this seem like a good idea to you?

If you don't agree, you don't have to do it. Isn't that wonderful? That you have the freedom now to choose if you don't want to do something?

I just find the whole 'get in line lest ye want to damn the entire female population' spiel incredibly boring.

I did it but didn't feel hugely comfortable with it, as I'm not that close with my dad and it felt a little awkward to be honest. If I ever marry again, I'll do it alone.

I do understand what you're suggesting. I've been conditioned into thinking it's the 'done thing' but please see my earlier posts explaining why I want my Dad there. That's all I am thinking about.

Nothing I have read on this thread has made me think I made the wrong decision to have my Dad walk me down the aisle.

@TheBulb surely feminism is about choice not swapping one set of standards for another. The attitude that any woman who should chose to one way or another in any subject of her life is what is anti feminist because feminism is about CHOICE

I would love my father to walk me down the aisle when the time comes. I would also like my DP to ask my parents for their blessing. I know I'm my own person, I don't need to prove that.

Only on MN would a walk down the aisle be compared to rape and slavery 😂😂😂😂 mental.

My mum 'gave me away'. No I'm not her property and I had been living with my DH for 4 years already BUT she raised me, she worked 3 jobs for me, she did everything in her power to make me happy and to make my life a good one. She 100% deserved to 'give me away'.

Surely equality and choice go hand in hand?

Nothing I have read on this thread has made me think I made the wrong decision to have my Dad walk me down the aisle

Ditto.

My mum 'gave me away'

That's allowed because she's a woman not a pesky man.

@Morgan12 I totally feel the same which is why my mum is walking me down the aisle on my wedding. She raised me and looked after my happiness giving me love, security, and stability growing up. She is now passing this responsiblity to fiancé trusting him with my happiness. It has nothing to do with being property

I'm still very glad my Dad walked me down the aisle even after I've read stuff on here, it's a very treasured memory as I lost him a year later.

The time I spent with my Dad on my wedding day; in the car talking, then him giving me a hug before we went inside, is really special to me. I wouldn't have missed that, or had him miss it, for anything.

Why is it ok for a woman to give away the bride, but not for a man?

Of course feminism isn't about 'choice'. It's about equality of status; equality of opportunity; not facing blatant discrimination on a daily basis because you happen to be the owner of a uterus and not a penis. And this is sadly still far from the real state of play. But it's thanks to the feminists of old that women are no longer chattels; that we can vote; that we can marry and are not expected to surrender the entirety of our property into the bargain; that marital rape is now very much illegal as opposed to being viewed as a man's conjugal 'rights'. [But we are still paid less money for doing the same work].

The job of feminism has been to provide these opportunities for us in the first place. What women choose to do with these opportunities is up to them, but the issue here is a wider and more important one: the redressing of the power imbalance between the sexes. It's also interesting that some of the most strenuous opponents of this very necessary endeavor have been other women (cf. the anti-suffragist 'Mrs Humphrey Ward').

Your choice is your choice, but it's disingenuous to make that an exemplar of what feminism is all about. It really isn't. Likewise, arguing around in circles until you're blue in the face that your own decisions are valid and the opposite are a personal affront isn't feminist either, nor is it particularly productive. But I guess that's a choice as well.

I had my dad walk me down the aisle. I'm probably the exception but I'm honestly not fussed about the whole "giving away" thing. I think the registrar asked my dad during the ceremony if he gave his permission (Or something along those lines) but I didn't even care about that. To me it's not something to get annoyed about.

My dad and my brother both "gave me away" as my dad was in a wheelchair by then so my brother pushed him.

I completely get that the practice comes from the notion of a woman being a chattel. But that's not what it means now or at least not for me. For me and my family it meant my dad, who I was closest to in the world, validating and appreciating my choice and my relationship. He was accepting my shortly to be DH into our family and our inner circle. He was showing support, love and acceptance.

That's enough for me. I almost felt bad my DH didn't have an equivalent.

Do you know what, I’m bloody sick of seeing people here making perfectly reasonable choices for themselves and being told they’re not feminists or doing feminism properly or some other bollocks.

I’ve been a feminist since I was capable of independent thought - about 50 years now - and I really don’t recognise my feminism in women telling other women what to do. The feminist movement has always been about liberating women, not substituting one form of oppression for another.

@Alsohuman Absolutely! Isn’t feminism about the right to have choices?

No PinkyPonk, apparently women still aren't allowed to have their own choices.

The feminist movement has always been about liberating women, not substituting one form of oppression for another

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