To ask if you have a problem with your father walking you down the isle?

[trully]

I have just seen the thread about asking for hand in marriage and seeing how sexist it is etc etc I do agree and I understand where it came from. However, it's the same for your father "giving you away" and walking you down the isle. Does that bother everyone too?

I walked down the aisle with my nieces (who were also my bridesmaid) I held the hand of my 2.5 year old niece, and carried my 14 month old niece, who wasn’t walking yet. My Dad was at the wedding, but didn’t seem to object to not walking me down the aisle. Dh snd ds1 were waiting at the the top of the aisle, so tradition wasn't really followed in the first place!

My Uncle walked me down the aisle in the registry office. I don't care what anyone thinks, I wanted him to do it and I love that he was part of the day. Yes I could have asked Mum but she wouldn't have been happy doing it for various reasons.

My DH asked my dad for permission to marry me and my dad walked me down the aisle.
The world carried on turning and thousands of mumsnetters lives were unaffected by my decision.

Me and my dad laughed all the way down the aisle as he walked into a table as soon as he we entered the church. It really took the pressure off and I was so glad he came with me. I wouldn't have swapped him for the world.

I didn't look at it as being sexist. It made my dad's day.

Some people are just desperate to be offended.

Can’t really remember but I think DH & I just walked into the register office together, actually my parents didn’t even come to the ceremony, just joined us for lunch.

Despite being a church attender I had no wish to get married in a church, far too much fuss, outdated ‘tradition’ and expense.

I liked being walked down the aisle with my dad, it was a long way, there were a lot of faces and I was scared. He was there “by my side” like he has been for every other event in my life.

Believe me I am not owned by anyone.

I am not too close with my dad and I don't like the idea of someone giving me away, like an object really. I'm also a lesbian so a man giving me away to a woman also seems strange. I've considered my mum but that feels weird too. My DP says she wants one or both of her brothers to walk her down the aisle (FIL has passed away) and that too makes me uncomfortable.

Good thing we aren't having a wedding anytime soon.

why did it have to be a man, your brother, to walk with you? Why not your Mum?

Personally, my Dad has done far more for me than my mum has. My Dad has never hurt me like my mum has. My Dad has always been my safe place when my Mum wasn't. I know it's a cardinal sin on MN to say a father was actually the better parent than the mother but there you go, mine was.

I hope that's okay with you and that my decision doesn't affect your life too much. I hope you don't lose too much sleep when a stranger is walked down the aisle by her Dad that she absolutely wants by her side on a day you'll be completely unaware of.

Or should I have my Mum do it just because she's a woman?

I had my dad walk me down and I wouldn't have had it any other way. He kept me calm waiting for the car too, and on the way. I didn't think of it as giving me away, just as having him by my side. It meant the world to him too.

If you're traditional enough to want a church wedding, I don't see what's wrong with your dad walking you down the aisle. I don't think the modern church service asks 'Who gives this woman....?' etc. any more - does it? - same as they leave out the 'obey' bit now, so that aspect is surely irrelevant now.

If you have a good relationship with your dad, it's surely nice to have him beside you at such a time. If you don't, get a friend or another relative to keep you company, or do the walk alone.

It isn't just churches that have aisles!

If you're traditional enough to want a church wedding, I don't see what's wrong with your dad walking you down the aisle.

Surely the church thing is about religious belief.

I don't think the modern church service asks 'Who gives this woman....?' etc. any more - does it? -

You think wrong. It is one of the options.

same as they leave out the 'obey' bit now, so that aspect is surely irrelevant now.

Pretty sure that’s still an option as well.

If you have a good relationship with your dad, it's surely nice to have him beside you at such a time.

The tradition stems from men literally owning women. Nothing to do with how good your relationship is.

Hurrah for options, everyone can do whatever they like.

I turned up in front of the registrar with my husband holding hands. No "giving away".

My dad walked me down the iasle I wasn't too bothered either way but he wanted to in the end I'm glad he he did as I don't wear heals very often and my daft mam bought me massive ones without even asking she loved them so much I didn't have the heart to tell her I hated them anyway halfway down the aisle I tripped over said awful shoes if I hadn't been holding on to my dad's arm I'd have fallen flat on my face

I don't care tbh. My mum gave me away at my wedding, it was lovely. People can do whatever they like at their own wedding. I wish certain people would stop telling women what to do all the time. We are all individuals and are obviously going to have different views on these matters.

Isn't it funny how we've moved on from allowing men to think and make our choices for us to a small number of women who think they can do the same.

Feminism to me is about freedom, about choice, about equality and being allowed to have opinions on what we choose to do as women.

You say it's wrong because men don't have to walk down the aisle with their mothers etc... Well women do not have to do that either as many on this thread have demonstrated. They are free to choose however they want to marry.

It is my choice that I want my Dad next to me when walking down the aisle. He's not 'giving me away'. I want him there to ease my nerves, to make me laugh, to wipe my tears and to hold my hand like he has done my whole life. My father is a beautiful man who has never thought of me as a possession and I wouldn't want to start my wedding day with anyone else.

It's not for everyone and that's fine. But I'm not being railroaded into having my freedom of choice removed so that I can make a point that I'm not interested in making.

@CheeseIsEverything AMEN to that!

CheeseIsEverything
Well said and thank-you. It should be about individual choice based on individual experiences and not held up to women as damning the sisterhood with propping up the patriarchal system if one chooses to have a man in their life be with them.

But I'm not being railroaded into having my freedom of choice removed so that I can make a point that I'm not interested in making.

Yawn. No one is 'removing your freedom of choice', they're exercising their right to point out the ludicrous, reactionary, sexist anachronism of your 'choice'.

And if you think feminism involves women nodding devoutly along with other women's dopey choices, you should really do some reading.

I didn't have anyone give me away at our wedding- I walked with my husband as we opted to not invite any guests at all. It was great. Civil ceremony in a beautiful garden on the banks of Lake Windermere so no religious nonsense and no fannying about pleasing other people. Bliss.

Family were not very pleased to start with but they got over it!

Feminism to me is about freedom, about choice, about equality and being allowed to have opinions on what we choose to do as women.

Not really relevant to this thread but I disagree that feminism is about "choice"! It's about equality between the sexes and if a women's "choice" goes against that then she certainly isn't a feminist.

Moresliding doors, I was referring to the present, not the past.
Of course I know where the tradition stems from, but unless you're a voluntary Stepford Wife type, or belong to some strict archaic-style sect, this has no relevance today.

Tradition and convention are not for me. We went abroad and married quietly with only two guests (our witnesses) in attendance, together with their children. There was no 'giving away', we spent the night before the wedding together, and we walked into the venue together. Similarly, I have my own identity and the idea of taking on another person's name was unthinkable to me. Choosing to commit to one partner for life is a huge thing to me; that on its own is enough.

I've made my own choices. Others can make theirs: it's not affecting me. That is, until they start telling me they 'respected' their husbands enough to take their names, whereas I clearly didn't. (Yes, that has happened). Likewise, certain [female] in-laws who refuse to respect the fact that I actually have a name and am not 'Mrs Husband's Forename+Surname'.

Why does it matter so much to women what other women do? SAHF -v- WOHF isn't a 'thing as far as I'm aware. It's like a treadmill to nowhere.