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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Married in to a different class

124 replies

Gymbun · 28/04/2019 14:31

I'm happily married. We've been together for nearly 30 years and I adore my husband, he truly is the love of my life. We met whilst on holiday and it was love at first sight. I would have given up everything just to be with him. I come from a wealthy family, who are quite strict in certain ways, especially how you behave etc. He comes from a poor family which in itself makes no difference what so ever. Together we have built up a good life for us and our 2 children, our eldest is in university now. He gets on great with my family who all love him. I got on great with his mum who unfortunately passed away a couple of years ago. However, his sisters live a different life from us. I'm not talking about money, I'm talking about the actual life. They've all got 6 children each, none of them work, some of their kids have been in prison and they only language they know is effing and jeffing. I hate taking my kids there and hate any family gatherings because of this. How have other people dealt with this? I don't go there and think I'm better than them, I know that's what some people here will say, but I don't. I try not to say too much to my husband because it's his family after all. I just want some ideas what others have done or would have done. Tia

OP posts:

goldenchicken · 28/04/2019 14:33

Did you mean to put this in 'relationships'... ?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships

There doesn't appear to be an AIBU in here your post...

Original poster

Gymbun · 28/04/2019 14:35

Sorry, yeah maybe, I'm new to this site. But I suppose, my AIBU is even be thinking this?

OP posts:

Bambamber · 28/04/2019 14:35

I don't think it's a class issue, just because someone is in a lower class it doesn't automatically mean their vocabulary is limited to swearing. How often do you see them? I would just ask them not to swear in front of my kids, and if they couldn't do that I would limit contact or put up with it if we didn't see them that often anyway

PrimrosePhantasm · 28/04/2019 14:35

This has nothing to do with class!!! Being working class doesn’t mean never working and prison. As a working class woman I’m very insulted that you linked the two

PickAChew · 28/04/2019 14:37

Do you want some detergent to help that froth along?

Original poster

Gymbun · 28/04/2019 14:37

Yeah I think you're right. But because my head is always thinking about stupid things that it shouldn't be thinking about, I worry about stupid things like, what about when one of mine gets married. God the thought of inviting them to it kills me!

OP posts:

Butchyrestingface · 28/04/2019 14:38

How old is your younger child? Given that your eldest is an adult now, it seems a bit pointless to be worrying about any effect on them...

Sounds a bit grim though.

Original poster

Gymbun · 28/04/2019 14:38

Primrose I can't actually read anywhere where I did?

OP posts:

PrimrosePhantasm · 28/04/2019 14:40

Op - your title says you married into a different class!

Original poster

Gymbun · 28/04/2019 14:43

Primrose I also clearly wrote that his sisters doesn't work. How can that put them into working class?? Me and my husband are working class. And yes, we are from 2 completely different classes, it is as simple as that.

OP posts:

PrimrosePhantasm · 28/04/2019 14:45

So what class are you describing them as?

Original poster

Gymbun · 28/04/2019 14:47

What class is there for people who's never worked and never will be and has children just for a free house and free ride?

OP posts:

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/04/2019 14:49

I think your mistake was mentioning class.

Perhaps try again with "How would you deal with DH's family?" and mention the criminal behaviour and the swearing. That is your issue, not what class they (or you) are from. Frankly mentioning class does make you sound like a snob, whether that is true or not it's what it sounds like.

CheekyWeeGobshite · 28/04/2019 14:49

I just want some ideas what others have done or would have done

About what? You've survived the last 30 years of being related to them, why is it suddenly an issue now? Is it because you've got a deadline?

NoNoNoOohmaybe · 28/04/2019 14:50

That's not a class?! You have a different cultural outlook I guess, just avoid them.

I'm a bit confused to know what you want out of this? You want us to agree their life choices aren't ideal? Yup ok but that doesn't change your family dynamic.

You have a good husband and a nice life, just keep family visits to a minimum, smile nicely when you're there. Don't give it anymore head space

PrimrosePhantasm · 28/04/2019 14:50

You’re showing your true colours now op

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/04/2019 14:50

Ok now you DO sound like a judgemental snob.

Who cares why they had kids, does that impact you in any way? Why do you care so much about their life choices when they have no effect on you? They would be the same people with one kid or twelve.

Historydweeb · 28/04/2019 14:54

Never worked and had loads of kids for a free ride?
Sounds like the Royals

Original poster

Gymbun · 28/04/2019 14:54

Ok I take on board what you're saying. But I'm not a snob and I respect people from every walk of life. But yes, I'm gonna stop even thinking about his family and hopefully we'll see them less and less.

OP posts:

sweeneytoddsrazor · 28/04/2019 14:55

Any class, any amount of money doesn't make you a good or bad person. Not working and having 6 kids doesn't make you a bad person. And when your children get married its their wedding and marry who they choose and invite who they choose.

Teddybear45 · 28/04/2019 14:55

Working class people work though. The people you described are clearly unemployed former criminals who don’t work; so how are they working class?

Also how wealthy or posh could you be if you didn’t see your DP’s immediate family having criminals in it as a red flag? Properly wealthy, posh people would cut their losses and run a mile.

TheQueef · 28/04/2019 14:57

Pesky poor people again.

Original poster

Gymbun · 28/04/2019 14:58

Teddybear, I never mentioned that they were working class because in my eyes they aren't! And I fell so in love with him that I didn't care what family he was from! He's not a criminal and has done well in life for himself.

OP posts:

PregnantSea · 28/04/2019 15:04

Lots of nitpicking about language/terms used, seems to be getting really off topic here...

Anyway, OP, sounds like your kids are old enough that it won't have too much effect on them if they occassionally spend time with someone who swears a lot. There will be other areas of their lives where there are people swearing, and there will be media involving people swearing. I think I would just say to them "your aunties swear quite a bit, I'm sure you know that you shouldn't be doing the same". I honestly think that's enough.

Aquilla · 28/04/2019 15:06

Would you say your mil kept them 'in check' a bit more op? And now their behaviour is more obvious?

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